Author Topic: Daughter leaves me out of family functions  (Read 207 times)

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Offline Cbzkit

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Daughter leaves me out of family functions
« on: November 12, 2017, 04:00:28 AM »
     I called my middle grandson on Friday to wish him happy birthday and see when was a good time to see him. He just turned 11. My 12 year old grandson was in the back ground letting him know tomorrow wasn't good because his party started at 4pm and they would be leaving at 8am in the morning for the day. This just burned through my soul.
 My daughter and I are more or less astranged (unless she wants or needs something) She's grandma's "Golden Child"
  My mother and I haven't spoken in 5 years. I grew tired of her constant slander of me and decided her negative impact was too much to bare. I did some deep studing on our relationship and she fell into the patterns of a narcissist ( possibly sociopath)
 I have no regrets letting her go.
 My daughter has treated me poorly for the past 9 yrs. She will, on very rare occasions, invite me to a family function as long as my mom's not going to be attending. This hurt for a log time now not so much. I just want to see my grandchildren and not have them resent me for not being there. This is hard to do when you know of nothing that is going on in their lives. My daughter and her husband are good parents and the boys are kept busy with sports and school. I have no idea when they are available.and my daughter hardly answers my calls. I'm at the verge of giving up.

Offline Stilllearning

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Re: Daughter leaves me out of family functions
« Reply #1 on: November 12, 2017, 05:01:06 AM »
Welcome C!!  I am glad you found us!  We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We're a monitored Website. Thanks in advance!

I know the hurt you feel.  I had the problem before the grands came along.  My DS and his wife seemed to spend all of their time and holidays with her FOO and none with me.  It stung to know that I was being left out and the more I focused on that hurt, the bigger that hurt got.  I overcame that pain out by planning other things to do on the holidays.  I spent one Thanksgiving day canoeing instead of cooking (the weather was beautiful!).  I cooked my turkey on Friday that year because the weather was really yucky and staying inside cooking was not such a burden.  It was liberating moving the holiday around to suit myself and my DH.  I enjoyed it so much that I started moving other celebrations around too.  I found that if I did not know about the parties and other things that they did not upset me so now I deliberately avoid finding out about them by staying away from Facebook, especially my DIL's page.

Anyway the point is that once I started using my time to make myself and my DH happy my life turned around.  I once went to a seminar where two sayings stuck in my head:

"For things to change first I must change"

And

"What you focus on expands"

I think you can have some real fun planning a get together with your grandchildren for some other time!  Have a blast! 
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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Offline luise.volta

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Re: Daughter leaves me out of family functions
« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2017, 09:14:17 AM »
Welcome, C. I have been there, too. My issues aren't gone but I finally learned that my expectations, which were just the garden variety 'gramma stuff', were mine and that no one was responsible for fulfilling them. In my generation, I was born in 1927, those things were a given.


We are here for you. Please know that you are not alone and that we care. Many have healed here and gotten their lives back, even though they were not what they'd planned on or hoped for. For me it was the discovery that there was Life After Parenting...other options, as SL just described, beyond my beloved biological role. Hugs...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Cbzkit

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Re: Daughter leaves me out of family functions
« Reply #3 on: November 12, 2017, 06:18:40 PM »
  Thank you for your input.
 I dropped my grandson's birthday card of tonight and was told bt my SIL that come December 26th they are moving out of state.
 Atleast I got to see my 3 grandboys for a few moments. I fell a bit numb right now---

Offline Bamboo2

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Re: Daughter leaves me out of family functions
« Reply #4 on: November 12, 2017, 06:50:26 PM »
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that, Cbzkit.  That sounds painful.  Be kind to yourself as you deal with this new reality coming soon. (((hugs!)))