Author Topic: Need someone to listen...............  (Read 293 times)

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Offline FairyGodmother

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Need someone to listen...............
« on: November 01, 2017, 01:26:20 PM »
hello,

I am new here. I googled 'what to do when your DIL is spiteful' and found this forum. I have just finished reading some of the posts. Looks like I'm not alone. So here's what's eating me at the moment. I am feeling low today because I did not see my grandchildren last night in their Hallowe'en costumes. My son and his wife live 5 minutes away. The last time they stopped by on Hallowe'en was 3 years ago. I thought to myself yesterday, "She'll post a picture on facebook tomorrow". Sure enough, she did just that. This is a person who only posts about 4 times a year on her FB page. It's not like we're estranged grandparents. We babysit when asked to do so. We go to all the birthday parties. We go to the skating and the hockey games (our oldest grand daughter just started to play hockey). Basically, if they need us, we're there. The girls are never allowed to sleep over though. I just need to know I'm not alone and after reading the posts I know I am not. It's so sad the way some DIL's treat their in-laws. Seeing grandkids is one of the joys in life. There have been Christmases when we didn't see them too. They just don't show up. I don't get it. Anyway, I've 'unfollowed' my DIL on Facebook. I don't need the pain of seeing what I missed. Come to think of it, the only time she posts pictures of the grand children is when they have not come for a holiday. Not that Hallowe'en is a holiday but there is definite pattern there and I'm just realising it now as I type this! I could go on and on with things she has done to hurt me over the years but I'm sure you've heard it all before. My son just does what he's told to avoid the backlash. My husband did have a talk with him a couple of years ago but he's resigned himself to the situation at home. I think their marriage is in trouble but I really don't want to know. She's very close to her family and sees them on a regular basis (no absent holidays there!). I just wish my DH and I could have our grandchildren even for one day. But I know that will never happen. I gave up asking years ago after being told no for whatever reason she deemed fit at the time. FYI........DS and DIL have been married for 12 years. Kids are 10,7 and 5. Thank God for a place like this where we can find comfort in each other's pain.

Offline Bamboo2

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Re: Need someone to listen...............
« Reply #1 on: November 01, 2017, 10:08:01 PM »
 Hi Fairy Godmother, and welcome! We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We're a monitored Website. Thanks in advance!

I'm glad you found us.  I don't have experience with in-laws or grandchildren yet, but there are certainly others here who have.  I'm glad you are looking at some of the other posts - there are many women who have walked a journey similar to yours, a lot of wisdom to be gained in the archives.

It is so hurtful to not be around the ones you love during the holidays.  Holidays can be a difficult time for many of us.  They have sure been that way for me.  Keep reading and I hope you will hear from others soon.

Offline FairyGodmother

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Re: Need someone to listen...............
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2017, 12:48:42 PM »
thank you for understanding.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Need someone to listen...............
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2017, 01:40:58 PM »
Welcome, F., this is where you can be heard and understood, for sure.

For me, what tripped me up was my very garden-variety expectations. I didn't realize for a long time that they were mine and others had no obligation to fulfill them. All I wanted was what I knew in my own childhood where both families were honored and respected. I thought it was just a given.

What I had to learn to do was to focus on what I did have. Since it was unfair, that was a hard and very slow transition for me. I guess I had to do some growing up of my own before I could get that my son had started a new family unit and they got to make their own rules and work through their own lessons. I thought traditions mattered like they used to.

I don't know if there is anything in my story that might help. I am now a great grandmother and my great granddaughter is 23! What a lovely women! I have seen her once in the last 10 years. She lives about 5 hours away and came up to see me last year with her own grandmother, my ex-DIL, and her dad, my eldest grandson. It was wonderful! My son died of a sleep apnea stroke at age 52, so I am deeply grateful to still be connected and to feel their love. Thank heaven for FaceBook. In my case, it is a treasure but I know that's not always the case. Sending hugs...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher