Author Topic: Bad Counseling  (Read 866 times)

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Offline Pen

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Re: Bad Counseling
« Reply #15 on: August 13, 2017, 08:05:15 PM »
It's a start, for sure! How wonderful that your DS is letting you know that he values you. That is the best thing! I hope your relationship builds from there and your DIL eventually stops "managing" you.

I came with that word to describe how my dad's wife controls how/when my dad, my sibling & I are allowed to interact. Maybe it also pertains to your DIL ;-)

Best wishes!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Marina

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Re: Bad Counseling
« Reply #16 on: August 13, 2017, 10:49:02 PM »
Pen,
I gave up on working anything out with DIL once she told blatant lies about me in my presence.  She has used GC as a pawn and I expect that will continue to the extent DS will allow it.  It's a daunting situation, but I'm trying to stay positive and busy.  It will be nice to be able to see GC again.   :) 

Offline Bamboo2

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Re: Bad Counseling
« Reply #17 on: August 14, 2017, 06:21:48 PM »
Marina, I can see how you were hoping for so much more after all you've been through this year.  It's good that you can find the silver lining: the potential for a closer relationship with your DS, and the opportunity to see GC  ;)  You can do this!  Hugs!

Offline Marina

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Re: Bad Counseling
« Reply #18 on: August 14, 2017, 09:26:39 PM »
Thanks for the support.  It means a lot to me.  Hugs back!

Now, one day at a time... 

Offline Stilllearning

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Re: Bad Counseling
« Reply #19 on: August 15, 2017, 08:44:16 AM »
Oh M, you have my complete and absolute sympathy!  I know how incredibly unfair it is and how you can get so involved in the injustice of it all that your own life seems to revolve around the sadness of it all, or at least that is what mine did.  I had the hardest time taking my mind off of the situation, a situation that I could not change and yet I could not tolerate it either.  That is what brought me to this website, and the wonderful women here showed me how to get better. 

They told me that I deserved to be happy.  They told me that I had done my best raising my child and that that part of my life was done and it was time for me to spend both my time and my effort on making myself and my DH happy.  It took a while and actually more than one person had to tell me, each with their own way of kindly telling me basically to "get a life" and start enjoying myself.  I started by deciding that I could celebrate Thanksgiving any day I wanted to so one absolutely beautiful Thanksgiving day my DH and I put the turkey back in the frig and we went canoeing.  The next day it rained all day long so it was the perfect day to cook that turkey and be stuck in the kitchen.  We both had that Friday off anyway and since my DS/DIL were not going to come to dinner we had the ability to change the dinner arrangements around to suit us.  It was so liberating!  Now individual holidays do not bother me near as much and I don't even notice if my DS/DIL spend them with her FOO or not.

Since that day my life has improved immensely and so has my relationship with my DS (DIL, well, not so much) and I have changed from the whiny lady who grumbles about not being able to see her GC, to the Grandparent who is always happy to see my GC and shows them all about outside (DIL FOO are not outside people).  I found my niche and I am sure you will too.  After all, we may not be the ones teaching our children anymore but they are learning lessons from life still, and there is still plenty of time for a change to occur.

Hang in there!  Hugs and I am happy things are at least a little better!!
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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Offline Marina

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Re: Bad Counseling
« Reply #20 on: August 15, 2017, 01:01:12 PM »
StillLearning, your saying, "Life...never exactly what you expected!" is a good reminder.  I have to admit that not getting my expectations in life has made me a stronger, more resilient person.  Adversity builds character, as they say (if it doesn't kill you!   :P  )

I appreciate the compassion shown here.  I know it comes from having worked through some very painful life events.  Hugs. 

Offline gettingoldandcranky

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Re: Bad Counseling
« Reply #21 on: August 17, 2017, 06:52:14 AM »
Marina - i would be grateful if my ds and dil would agree to counseling.  i am always told that there is no problem.  sending you good thoughts and hugs in hopes that things keep improving for you and all of us

Offline Marina

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Re: Bad Counseling
« Reply #22 on: August 17, 2017, 10:38:46 AM »
Gettingoldandcranky, if I remember your situation correctly, you do get to see DS/DIL and GC sometimes but only on their terms.  Perhaps you can just make the best of those visits, as I intend to do.  Use it as a time to build bridges especially with GC.   

I took a calculated risk by going to counseling with DS/DIL.  I was aware that a bad therapist can make a situation even worse.