Author Topic: Starting to find acceptance  (Read 1135 times)

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Offline alwaysmom

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Starting to find acceptance
« on: June 11, 2017, 05:11:29 PM »
I need to start by saying that this site has been incredibly helpful as I read through older threads.

My last post was emotionally charged with pain and non acceptance with the disrespect from DS and DIL.  I have now had an eye opening experience of being diagnosed with abdominal cancer and have to look at life so differently than before.  The relationship with my DS and DIL has not changed with the disrespect and disconnect even in light of my diagnosis.

As to be expected, my DH and I now will be concentrating on future surgeries and therapies to stay a head of this life changing disease.  Who would have
thought that this would actually change the expectations we have had in our relationship with our DS and DIL.  You must come to a place where you learn to hold on to the good in your life and try to accept the not so good.  Do I wish my oldest son showed concern and wanted to talk to me about the cancer, of course
I do.  Past behavior is predictive of future behavior and this is an unrealistic expectation. 

As we go through this cancer journey, we are blessed with many friends and family that are very much there with emotional support including our youngest son.

This post is not about the cancer, we have had it in our family before, as I am sure many of you have also.  This post is about how I am learning, as many of you posting here have, to accept estranged relationships for what they are and to embrace the healthy relationships.

I am still working on acceptance, but just wanted to share that I realized it is up to me and my DH to change our expectations and not expect our
son to change.

Thank you all for this site.

Alwaysmom


 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Starting to find acceptance
« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2017, 07:47:58 PM »
We are with you, A. As you learn and grow and move through this. A very wise post about choosing to focus on what matters and what works, as opposed to focusing on what doesn't. Hugs...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Marina

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Re: Starting to find acceptance
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2017, 09:59:17 PM »
Thank you for sharing, alwaysmom.  It was a meaningful comment.  Wishing you the very best outcome from your treatment. 

Offline Bamboo2

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Re: Starting to find acceptance
« Reply #3 on: June 14, 2017, 11:06:54 PM »
Thanks for sharing your perspective, Alwaysmom, and wishing you well on your journey.  You are so wise to focus on yourself and those loved ones who support you at this time. 

((Hugs))

Offline gettingoldandcranky

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Re: Starting to find acceptance
« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2017, 03:52:47 AM »
it's constantly heartbreaking.  glad you can try to move forward and lean on others for love and support.  keep us posted on your health progress

Offline Pen

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Re: Starting to find acceptance
« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2017, 07:41:53 PM »
Love and hugs to you, A.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Flowerpot

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Re: Starting to find acceptance
« Reply #6 on: July 20, 2017, 08:01:23 AM »
So sorry to hear of your illness and am grateful you are with those who love and support you. Am going through a similar situation with my DS and DIL and have found that accepting I cannot change them to let them go is best for my emotional and physical health.  Take care and best to you always a mom.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Starting to find acceptance
« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2017, 10:56:12 AM »
Welcome, F! We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Read Me First, to read the posts placed there for you, if you haven't already. Please pay special attention to our Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website. Hugs...Luise
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Flowerpot

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Re: Starting to find acceptance
« Reply #8 on: July 20, 2017, 01:56:38 PM »
Thank you Luise.  I have read the forum agreement and read posts some time ago, so thank you for reminding me. I like this site so much and have read many posts helping me through a difficult time. I am finally ready to post but needed time to absorb what happened and to feel comfortable sharing my story.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Starting to find acceptance
« Reply #9 on: July 20, 2017, 02:05:38 PM »
Wonderful, F. When you feel ready, please start your own thread, so we can get acquainted. I'm glad the archives have been a help. They go back as far as 8 years...and a lot of water has gone under our bridges of hope and healing.  :)
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Mummybear

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Re: Starting to find acceptance
« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2017, 05:35:40 AM »
Hi I'm new on here but have been reading lots of the posts for a few months and they have been a massive help to me. Alwaysmom I felt so sad reading what has happened to you. I hope you are doing ok and know that even though I'm a stranger I send you lots of love and good wishes. I don't know if I need to put my story as it's along the lines of all the posts I have read. I need to find some kind of peace as I am constantly anxious and have had a lot of panic attacks. This is a brilliant site full of very brave women. I'm glad to have found you all. Xx

Offline Marina

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Re: Starting to find acceptance
« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2017, 10:36:29 AM »
Welcome, Mummybear
Please don't hesitate in asking for support here for your situation.  When I first came to this site, I mostly needed validation for the hurt I was going through in my relationship with DS/DIL.  In reading the many posts here, I gained a better perspective and came to the decision that I needed to step away from DS/DIL in order to heal.  My emotional and physical health had been affected by the abusive situation.  Eventually, I went to therapy and recently reconciled with DS.  The relationship is far from I would like it to be, but it is healthier and I'm more (guardedly) positive about the future.  It's been a hard road, but I have grown from it.  I learned I could go on, and find peace, even if I no longer had contact with DS and GC. 

I say all this to give you hope.  Please take care of yourself.  We are here for you. 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Starting to find acceptance
« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2017, 11:25:10 AM »
Welcome, M. We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website.


Sometimes members find writing out their situation and sharing it to be helpful. No two are alike, really. We are here as you have found out by reading our archives and current posts, to create and maintain a supportive community. I started WWU nearly a decade ago when I realized my original Website brought more issues about adult children and extended families than any other subject. I am 90 now and have three wonderful Moderators helping me out. Glad to have you aboard!






"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Mummybear

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Re: Starting to find acceptance
« Reply #13 on: August 30, 2017, 02:03:24 PM »
Hi Marina and luise.volta thank you so much for your kind words. I have felt so alone but now I don't. I am in a bad place at the moment and I know you will understand this but I have hope that it will get better. Thank you. X

Offline Bamboo2

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Re: Starting to find acceptance
« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2017, 06:12:46 PM »
Welcome, Mummybear!
When I joined this forum, I was so amazed to post a reply and get responses from kind and caring people who had a sense of what I was experiencing and made me feel supported.  If you want to start your own thread, I'm sure you will find that same support.

Hugs!