Author Topic: Another Mother's Day  (Read 782 times)

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Offline Pen

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Another Mother's Day
« on: May 08, 2017, 07:51:21 PM »
Sooo....Mother's Day here in the States is this coming Sunday. It can be an emotional landmine for some of us if we're not careful. I've been working on my DS/DIL business for many years (thanks, Luise & Kirk!) and have come a long way. Apparently I still have some work to do - two steps forward, one back?

Usually Mother's Day isn't a big deal to me, but this year I've been kind of emotional lately and I think I need a plan. Anyone else?
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Another Mother's Day
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2017, 09:35:34 PM »
I'm not much help with this one. My surviving son, Kirk, spoils me rotten. He's been our faithful Webmaster for eight years and loves you all. I entered his most recent picture to the upper left...where mine usually is. He is 62.


« Last Edit: May 08, 2017, 09:46:23 PM by luise.volta »
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline shiny

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Re: Another Mother's Day
« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2017, 01:59:45 AM »
Pen, glad you brought this to light -- I've been thinking about it, too.

My conclusion about my AC:
I know they 'care' about me, but realize how self-centered they've become -- every thing is all about them, whether it's convenient/costly/etc.
They weren't raised this way and I've had to 'unlearn' MY expectations -- thanks to Luise's advice here!
I have hope that as they mature in life, they will become more considerate towards others, especially their own family, and learn to put 'self on the shelf' sometimes.
Often it takes age and life experiences to teach us, rather than my whining/innuendoes. I'm done with that.

Another thought is perhaps self-centeredness is a person's way of coping/survival in this hard world. They are doing the best they can at the moment and I should cut them some slack by not focusing on what they should do for ME -- if that makes sense.
IOW, I have no idea what's going on in their daily lives, and probably don't want to. Then I would be down!

I remind myself that I was -- and still am -- a good mother to them, including the flaws.
Whether they recognize or appreciate this fact is on them -- not me!
I've also learned it's not just me -- their self-centeredness affects others, too.
Fathers Day goes by too w/o much recognition -- and it hurts DH, but he doesn't say much.

My generation is/was so different in many ways. We all know that by now!
Maybe these holidays don't mean as much to younger generation as they do/did us? I remind myself it's really only a 'date' that our culture set for us to observe, but not everyone feels the same way about it. And that's okay! DH and I haven't celebrated Valentines Day for years. We know that we love each other and show it a hundred times a day.

So, I'm not going to give it another thought, a.k.a., have a pity-party.
Why do I want to be miserable when they don't make the choices I want them to make?
Yes, it's sad, but there are many other blessings to count.
As for me, I'm going to put some new flowers on my dear Mamma's grave and think about her.
(Although we had a flawed/difficult relationship, I still love her, miss her, and respect that she was my mother.) She died last fall, and it's still fresh in my mind and heart.

There's no adequate way to express this: when my mamma died, the next day I literally "felt" a deep loss of all her worries/concerns/prayers for me. At the time, she nearly drove me nuts, always being anxious over me. Now? I miss it. Sorta. Ha!
But when you lose your mamma, there's one less person on earth who deeply loves you, and no one can take her place. I think that's what we want our AC to know NOW -- how much we love them ...

Thanks Luise and Kirk for all you do for this webpage. It has helped many, including me!
Happy, happy Mothers Day Luise.
You can adopt me! If you lived closer, I'd certainly come to see you!

Love you all, mothers! Chin up, forgive, continue to love and pray for these kids. I think that's what mothers do, give themselves for their families in hopes of them becoming who they should become. No matter what our age (or theirs), they still need someone to look to, to emulate.
(If we don't stand in the gap for them, who will? Scary thought.)
And we need to be strong; persevere with patience and kindness!
It will pay off in the end -- even if we don't live to see it.

My mantra: it's not about me, it's not about me, it's not about me!

(Sorry for long post!)

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Another Mother's Day
« Reply #3 on: May 09, 2017, 06:03:15 AM »
S., Thank You for the long post! Hugs...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline jdtm

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Re: Another Mother's Day
« Reply #4 on: May 09, 2017, 06:29:37 AM »
Ah - Mother's Day.  How I lamented over this day for almost two decades (guess I am a slow learner).  We always made a big "day" for both my mother and my mother-in-law; never going to happen for me.  This year, for the first time, I just don't want to be bothered with the day - planning, waiting, crying, expecting, being disappointed, being hurt, being an obligatory duty - no, I told my husband we will celebrate Father's Day.  Our family forgot their Dad last year- maybe we will do a restaurant brunch for those who can come (easy with little work).  On Sunday - I will go to church, visit a friend, go for a walk and enjoy the weather.  Relaxing, perhaps a bit introspective, no drama ...

I agree with shiny - I know my family cares for me.  They are so busy raising their children (some with a lot of issues - thanks to their bad parenting IMHO).  We have two sons who probably won't even remember the day; two DILs whom we love, but like this generation, her family counts (husband's family - not so much).  If I had known this forty years ago, I might have tried harder to have a daughter!   LOL

Whatever - right now my husband needs me (health issues that could become serious) and that will be enough for now.  Next year - who knows ....  so, I wish a "Happy Mother's Day" to each of you even (and especially) if you celebrate - shall we say - in a non-traditional manner.
« Last Edit: May 10, 2017, 08:50:29 AM by luise.volta »

Offline Marina

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Re: Another Mother's Day
« Reply #5 on: May 09, 2017, 09:59:34 AM »
I'm happy to say I expect this Mother's Day will be a good day for me.  Last year the relationship with DIL/DS had so deteriorated and become so painful for me that I cut it off.  It was really rough at first, especially missing my GC, but now I am mostly doing well and looking forward to the future.  There are people in my life who value me and are happy to see me.  I love that some days I can feel happy "for no reason."  Trying to somehow make the relationship work with DIL/DS had been depleting and depressing.  Now they are angry AT ME because I drew the line on their abusive behavior (DIL actively hurt, DS looked the other way).  Yay, no more drama.  Peace is wonderful. 

On Mother's Day, I will go to church, treat myself to some yummy food, and enjoy the beauty of the outdoors.  I will be grateful for all that I have in life, including the precious WW here.  Sending hugs to you all! 

Offline Justbreathe

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Re: Another Mother's Day
« Reply #6 on: May 09, 2017, 10:48:21 AM »
Last year I worked in the yard. Had decided I wasn't going to expect a thing. Then my phone woke me up early Sunday morning and I picked it up. It was them, wishing me a happy mother's day. Letting me know they would be spending the day with DILs family and that she had spent the whole day with them on Saturday also, while my son and GC stayed home. Didn't even think I might like a visit. SMH..my expectations again. Silly things. I know better.

This year...I won't be picking up the phone. They can leave a message and again...I have no expectations.

It still hurts.oh well, suck is life....I will work the yard again,or just sit out back and watch the mother duck and her 12 babies that decided to grace me with her nest in my yard.

These things make me smile and my heart Happy. Baby ducks .who can not love that?

Wishing you all an easy gentle day. Be nice to yourself. We deserve it.

Much love and hugs to you all on this mother's day

Offline Marina

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Re: Another Mother's Day
« Reply #7 on: May 09, 2017, 11:44:53 AM »
Adding to Just Breathe's comment, I find yardwork very therapeutic.  It can be as vigorous or as easy and quiet as I like.  The neighborhood cat often visits me in the yard and even digs alongside me (no kidding).  We like each other's company.  Sometimes that's all the socialization I need.   ;D   

Offline Bamboo2

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Re: Another Mother's Day
« Reply #8 on: May 09, 2017, 09:12:43 PM »
My plan is to spend the weekend visiting my own parents, who I appreciate more and more the older we get.  When I get back home, DH is going to BBQ for us, and whoever is around will be welcome to join in, but otherwise we plan to go birdwatching in a lovely park, just the two of us. I can always count on him to treat me attentively  :D

Thanks for everyone's posts.  They've made me smile! And happy Mother's Day to all you fine moms! 

Offline gettingoldandcranky

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Re: Another Mother's Day
« Reply #9 on: May 10, 2017, 06:35:04 AM »
Mother's Day has been hard for me since grandbabies came.  He was always thoughtful before babies.  i know others are going thru the same.  He hasn't even called the last few years.  He claims busy and it's just another day for them.   i assume that the kids are talking about mother's day in school and i believe that grandmas or at least the parents moms should be included in the conversation with the kids.  Show the grandkids how important you mom is - unfortunately, this is not the choice they make.   Hurts every year, no matter what i do.  Have tried to fill the day with other fun things, but still my heart breaks when the day ends and i've not heard from him.  Sending hugs to all the moms here.  Your support is always appreciated.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Another Mother's Day
« Reply #10 on: May 10, 2017, 08:59:26 AM »
Thinking of you, G. Feeling that way lasted a long time for me, too, and I was so relieved when we broke the pattern with a 'Mothers Day/Father's Day Cruise'. Pretty radical (and expensive) but worth it. We had such a good time, we did it again! Hugs...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Marina

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Re: Another Mother's Day
« Reply #11 on: May 10, 2017, 01:53:46 PM »
G, I feel your pain and wish I could say something of encouragement to you.  Is it possible you could arrange some special event or activity in the future that would include your GC?  That way, it would give you something to look forward to instead of waiting to maybe get a call on Mother's Day.  I'm sure I will be thinking about a possible call for me that day also, but I don't expect it.  In the past, my DS has made it clear he loves me and appreciated me as his mom; I will just hold on to that thought right now. 

Offline Pen

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Re: Another Mother's Day
« Reply #12 on: May 11, 2017, 12:24:06 AM »
I love my WWU crew! Happy mother's day to us all!

Yes, I agree, we need to acknowledge it even if our AC are distant. Time to plan how we're going to cherish and care for ourselves :-)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Marina

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Re: Another Mother's Day
« Reply #13 on: May 11, 2017, 05:30:25 PM »
Pen, I hope you have recovered from your injury and are no longer in pain. 

Offline kate123

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Re: Another Mother's Day
« Reply #14 on: May 30, 2017, 10:21:43 AM »

As for me, I'm going to put some new flowers on my dear Mamma's grave and think about her.
(Although we had a flawed/difficult relationship, I still love her, miss her, and respect that she was my mother.) She died last fall, and it's still fresh in my mind and heart.

There's no adequate way to express this: when my mamma died, the next day I literally "felt" a deep loss of all her worries/concerns/prayers for me. At the time, she nearly drove me nuts, always being anxious over me. Now? I miss it. Sorta. Ha!
But when you lose your mamma, there's one less person on earth who deeply loves you, and no one can take her place. I think that's what we want our AC to know NOW -- how much we love them
...


Shiny....double ditto....it was impossible to know beforehand how much I would miss my mother. Everyday, calls saying "why didn't you call, I didn't know if you were in an accident..." What I wouldn't give to get one more call, or one more uninvited visit, or one more cup of tea with her. Happy belated Mothers Day to all Moms, especially mine.