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Author Topic: How are you coping?  (Read 491 times)

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Offline Things happens

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Re: How are you coping?
« Reply #15 on: May 02, 2017, 01:01:51 AM »
Luise, At the time I think the choice of living arrangements you and your husband picked was right for you, sounds like a beautiful place.  And now when you move you will just start a new adventure. I also think you did a much better job with your hubby then you probably give yourself credit for. We all try to do the best that we can, times are different.

 Just like with FIL I was more able body then I am now with mom. It killed me at first, but I realized I have help with her and to utilize that help. All the illnesses we have been though, hubby and I have learned a lot. Like we have everything in a trust so if one of us requires Long term Nursing home care, the other person won't be left a pauper. Have all our health proxies covered. When we moved 2 years ago, we kept in mind how this house will suit us when we are 70. We will be adding a garage on soon, and instead of stairs we will be adding a ramp, so down the road if we are in a wheelchair we will be covered and other things like that. I always try to look for a positive in everything, by taking care of our parents, we learned about lawyers, conservator-ships and everything else about the law and elder care. So when the time comes for us, we will have everything in place.

Marina - A lot of people do not want to take help, they were raised not to bother then children. We found this out when FIL and SMIL had Cancer, it was a year before they told us, because they didn't want to burden us. When we finally got it through their heads that they aren't a burden, then did they start asking for help. One thing I have learned from my different illnesses is that I have no problem asking for help. But then they all might be in denial, or her AC look at her as a burden, and resent having to take care of them. I sadly know some people like this, and some that only help because they will get a inheritance. Maybe you might look up some options that your friend might have, do they have a senior center where she is at? Perhaps you can get her interested in going and making new friends that are nearer. Usually they have buses to pick people up. She also might be depressed, and that will make her pain problems worse. But she is lucky to have such a good friend in you, also you might drop her a card in the mail, that might have a funny cartoon or something in it. Shows them they aren't forgotten.

Well I rambled on long enough :-)

Offline luise.volta

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Re: How are you coping?
« Reply #16 on: May 02, 2017, 08:30:13 AM »
Yes, I think a great deal of these complex issues have to do with the personalities of those addressing them...both senior and advocate. When we have the courage to move through and out of, (not past), head-in-sand...there are options to try on for size.

To me, at the moment, isolation would still be too hard. For others it might bring comfort. One thing I see on my campus walks, is the use of TV as a 'sitter'. I don't have a TV. It has never appealed to me. I'm more of an interactive person. I check Google News so I know what's going on...but I edit and select the stories I read. Head-in-sand?
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Things happens

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Re: How are you coping?
« Reply #17 on: May 04, 2017, 10:27:06 PM »
Well maybe moving to the big city you can be more active in things and places. I agree with TV, my FIL parked in front of it day in and day out. Only way to get him away from it was to take him out in the car. I do have TV but usually use it as a background noise, but I do like the do it yourself shows . I love learning new things.

Offline Pen

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Re: How are you coping?
« Reply #18 on: May 06, 2017, 11:34:18 AM »
I recently had a little taste of how it could be when I slipped and reinjured an old mountain biking strain in my thigh. I suddenly felt very helpless and alone! My DH was an hour away at work, my go to friends were all dealing with crises of their own, no neighbors available, not even the fire department. I had to slide on the floor to get what I needed (ice pack, pain reliever, walking stick, etc.) and couldn't take care of the simplest of chores for the rest of the day. Depressing (will I still be able to ride/walk/care for myself) and humiliating (what a dummy), not to mention extremely painful (10+)! I have an autoimmune thyroid disorder and lots of inflammation that I deal with daily, so any extra stuff I put my body through makes it take longer to heal.

My hope is that I will continue to eat right, keep up my yoga and other physical pursuits, and stay fit & healthy until I drop dead decades from now out in the garden or on a hike. However, one accident can change our lives in an instant. We just don't know. I'd rather be prepared. My DH feels I'm "summoning" bad luck by wanting to plan ahead.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline luise.volta

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Re: How are you coping?
« Reply #19 on: May 06, 2017, 11:44:36 AM »
OUCH! My take after living 17 years in a Retirement Center is you are summoning bad luck when you don't plan. Just sayin...

Sometimes rationalization can be head-in-sand...justified.  :D
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pooh

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Re: How are you coping?
« Reply #20 on: May 19, 2017, 05:21:39 AM »
Awww...you're going to be a Big City Girl!  Maybe you can revamp a remake of "Sex and the City?"  Hee Hee.

I think that's an awesome plan to be closer.  I know no one wants to think of ourselves as a burden to our family, but I also know that I worry about my parents being away and if they were 15 minutes away, I would feel better about being able to get to them and help if they need it.  So being closer will also probably give Kirk a sense of peace just knowing he can get there faster.

We've been totally crazy bonkers.  We listed our house and it sold in 24 hours!  Ok, great problem to have but DH and I looked at each other and said, "Well, now where we going?"  We had this glorious plan of listing the house (which we worked on two months first to get ready) and then start looking in case it sold in a month or two.  What's the saying about the best laid plans?  So it was a mad scramble for a week looking.  But, we did find our dream place!  It's a small mini farm!  3 1/2 acres, small, one level house, barn, chicken coop, goat area and goat house and detached huge garage.  The acreage is fenced in all the way around.  It is flat as a pancake and beautiful out there.  It's only about 10 minutes outside the City, so my commute will not be bad.

And it has a 125 square foot building in the back yard.  One of the prefab buildings that the man was using as an at home office.  Carpeted, walled, electricity, heat and air.  We can very easily add on to it (plenty of space) if we need to turn it into a small house.  For the moment, it will be my craft cottage, so we will add a sink and water to make it easier to convert later if need be.  We are very excited, but very busy packing, getting inspections and all the buying/selling junk.

So I'll give you guys your laugh for the day.  My husband is a lunatic.  Not like Charles Manson lunatic....like Robin Williams lunatic.  Tons of fun and crazy.  So we decided we needed to "name" our little mini farm and have tossed around names for two weeks.  Here's our final decision and a design I made to turn into a sign. 

 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline luise.volta

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Re: How are you coping?
« Reply #21 on: May 19, 2017, 06:13:19 AM »
We will wave as we pass, Pooh...you headed out of the city and me heading in! Even though everything is moving fast, it sounds like you're handling it. For me, there's a one-year waiting list! 'Sex and the City'? Humm...I got a new form to fill out at my dentist last week. One question was: Are you pregnant? My answer was, 'I haven't checked today'. (Not much laughter in a dentist's office, I have to do my part!.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

 

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