Author Topic: Appalled by the inconsideration of my sons  (Read 588 times)

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Offline raindrops_on_my_soul

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Appalled by the inconsideration of my sons
« on: March 25, 2017, 02:00:59 PM »
Hi all

 I am writing today to talk about how inconsiderate my kids are. I had an egd procedure last week to look inside my stomach because I had been having tummy problems for some time. Both of my sons knew I was having this done because I told them days before. Neither one of them called me or texted to ask me if everything had gone ok and if everything was alright with me. It isn't that I'm surprised by that because I'm really not, but I must say I am disgusted by it. I am appalled by the total disregard for my well being that they do not even try to hide. I cannot imagine how anyone could become so sadly selfish and self absorbed. I think there is some kind of strange disconnect with adult kids these days, either they don't care or they don't feel the need to think of anyone other than themselves. Mine are 33 and 30 years old, so closer to being millenials and for some reason that age group seems like a very selfish bunch. They seem to think it's a one way street and I have no idea where they got that idea from. I couldn't do anyone that way and would never have done my parents like that.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Appalled by the inconsideration of my sons
« Reply #1 on: March 25, 2017, 04:27:37 PM »
All I can think of, r., is that years ago children were not front and center. Our mothers didn't drive and our dad's were at work. There were no Soccer Moms. There was no TV to get us to wishing we had the things advertised and there were no toy stores. I came from an upper, middle class home but I was expected to get myself to girl scout meetings and choir practice, day or night, in any kind of weather. We weren't the focus of our parents lives. If we had been, perhaps we would have thought it would continue and be mad when, out in the real world, we were no longer seen as princes and princesses. Perhaps being responsible and mature doesn't have much appeal to today's young adults...and who else can they blame? I wasn't afraid of my parents but I was taught to respect them. It wasn't in my reality to speak to them rudely. That was the norm. I was busy as a teen, making my own clothes, working to buy what else I wanted and preparing to put myself through college. Just sayin'.

If any of the above is true...it seems to me that's it's a cultural thing that has sneaked up on us. I'm 90...a lot has happened since the roaring 20s when I was born. Much of it is progress. Probably most of it is. Hugs
« Last Edit: March 25, 2017, 04:31:42 PM by luise.volta »
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Therese

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Re: Appalled by the inconsideration of my sons
« Reply #2 on: March 26, 2017, 08:27:39 PM »
Wow! I second everything Luise just wrote. Those thoughts have often been my own, especially the part where we were not "front and center" of our parents' lives. Honestly, if I had it to do over I would pay far less attention to my childrens' needs and wants, not out of selfishness but out of the realization that I was not helping them by making everything easy for them. I do agree that this is a cultural and generational thing. I'll never, ever forget the principal of my kids' middle school saying as the school year got underway, "We want to make it possible for everyone to make the honor roll." And, believe me, they were not planning to make that possible through hard work and discipline but through lowering the bar. So it wasn't just you and me; it was the whole outside "support" system that collapsed and is still collapsing. We raised our children in the self esteem-is-everything generation. .

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Appalled by the inconsideration of my sons
« Reply #3 on: March 26, 2017, 08:46:19 PM »
T. I can tell that it's not your thing to be crass...but wouldn't it be lov-er-ly if you could just tell him that you are totally bored with his 20 years of whining entitlement and please, by all means, throw out the degree, quit the job, take some courses and get a job as as a mechanic! Hugs!
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pen

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Re: Appalled by the inconsideration of my sons
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2017, 10:57:38 PM »
My brother didn't show up but a handful of times during the months my mom was ill. I quit my job and school studies to take care of her while she was dying of cancer. Of course, all she could talk about was my brother! Even if she didn't always seem to appreciate me, I couldn't have stayed away.

My brother and I are baby boomers, not millennials. IMO, it's more of a guy thing. It's often hard for them to deal with emotional stuff. They also tend to be afraid when their mothers aren't well.

My wish is that everyone is cherished and treated kindly, especially when they are ill or suffering! It breaks my heart to think of people dealing with illness/pain all alone.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb