Author Topic: My daighters hates me and im nt allowed to see them.  (Read 1203 times)

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Offline vickikenefsky@yahoo.com

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My daighters hates me and im nt allowed to see them.
« on: September 29, 2016, 06:56:23 PM »
I never thought I would ever be saying this out loud. I haven't told any of my co workers or friends at church because besides being hurt I don't know what happened. Oh I know people say that all the time. But I'm serious. One day everything was fine and the next I'm not allowed in her home. I have five kids and four of them still speak to me, rare but they speak and visit with me.  But my oldest daughter has made up her mind that I am completely disposable. I know things got complicated with her sister (always in trouble always needing something) And I was there for her every time, just like I have been for all of them. I think this is where it stems from. But I'm just guessing, no one will tell me why. I think my oldest daughter thought I always gave the other one more attention and loved her children more than my oldest daughters kids. While it is true that my middle daughter lived with me and I cared for her children. I was naturally closer to that grandchild, he lived in my household for 9 years. But my middle daughter got into some serious trouble and my oldest daughter volunteered to let the 9 year old live with their family until school was out. (four months) I gave them support and money and clothes and toys and tried to make sure that her own children were not giving up anything. Then one day she just wouldn't let me in the house. She wouldn't answer her phone. Shut down her facebook and all social media and she kept my grandson. At first I just thought she was angry with me because I forgave my middle daughter her mistakes and continued to be there for her. But she literally has stolen my grandson and wont let me see him or talk to him. I have never grieved any loss more than this. Our whole family fell apart. No more holiday meals no more birthday parties, no more making memories. And why? She wont say. I sometimes drive by their house to just get a glance at my grandchildren, but I live 3 hours away and work long hours. So trips out there just to drive by a house just isn't worth it. Every time I do go, my heart breaks again and it has seriously affected my life and everyone elses. All my children have scattered and nothing legal has ever been done about my grandson that I raised. None of the other children agree with her actions. But if they know why their not saying. I'm totally lost. I lived for all my kids and then lived for my grandchildren. But I have lost everything. And I dont know why even. Is there anyone who has ever heard of this situation?

Offline luise.volta

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Re: My daighters hates me and im nt allowed to see them.
« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2016, 08:54:00 PM »
Welcome, V. We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Read Me First, to read the posts placed there for you. Please pas special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit. We are a monitored Website.

Also, please change you user name so you can post anonymously here. It is a requirement that I established to protect members.

When things went down the tubes in my relationship with my elder son, 'Why' was my focus for a long time. I searched for something I did or at least something logical. After way too long, in my case at least, I had to move on because I knew in my heart I didn't deserve the abuse. I couldn't change him but I could change myself. My life now is about a lot more than my biological role. I have other interests...like this Website...and new friends. Life has, when I let go, expanded not contracted. It didn't happen overnight and it was far from painless...but I'm on the other side of all of that and not looking back. My beloved grandson made his own mind up about me when he became an adult. He is world famous in his field and still came to Seattle from Montreal to see me at Christmas and brought his 23 year-old daughter, my great granddaughter, with him. I feel deeply loved, honored and appreciated and they know I love them to pieces. I would never have believed it would turn out like this.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pen

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Re: My daighters hates me and im nt allowed to see them.
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2016, 04:34:44 PM »
V, welcome to the site! It's unreal how many of us have been through this sort of thing before. Please read our old posts and you'll see that you are not alone.

Although none of us have anything to be embarrassed about, I don't talk about my situation to others outside of this site and one or two very trusted friends. Unless you've experienced it yourself, it's hard to understand how this could happen to loving, normal parents.

As Luise says, you'll be chasing your tail if you try to figure out why. This site has helped me get through my self-blame, sorrow, anger, and resentment. Now I'm working on envy (still? sheesh!)

The upcoming holidays can trigger some monster pity-parties. Are we prepared?
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Mokatay

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Re: My daighters hates me and im nt allowed to see them.
« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2016, 04:15:52 PM »
V,

 You are not alone...I haven't been back to this site for a long time, but my story was the same as yours, about 4 years ago. Unfortunately, my daughter still will not speak to me, I have managed to get a few short visits with the grandkids through her business partner who watches them sometimes, but they are not allowed to contact me. With time, a kind of callous builds, easing some of that pain. I used to use the tale as my calling card when I met people, but have learned I do not want to be the victim, I want to take pride in my resilience and be grateful for the opportunity to raise them in their formulative years.

This site helped me tremendously to get through the nightmare, there are so many others who have valuable ideas to share. As Pen mentioned, the holidays are tough still, I will have to revisit here. Welcome!



Offline luise.volta

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Re: My daighters hates me and im nt allowed to see them.
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2016, 05:10:43 PM »
Hi, M.! Hugs!
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Mtnlady

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Re: My daighters hates me and im nt allowed to see them.
« Reply #5 on: October 31, 2016, 11:32:25 AM »
Hi V. I'm new to this site, but not new to my this phenomenon with our ac (in my case, my son and dil). I tried, also, to try to find out the why or some sort of rational explanation   The explanation is that there is something wrong with some of these AC's. You are not the problem; they are. If you walk on eggshells long enough, one of them will crack giving the AC something to hang with hats on.