Author Topic: no change after 6 years  (Read 4865 times)

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Offline lancaster lady

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no change after 6 years
« on: March 27, 2016, 03:45:39 AM »
Hello everyone ,
Long time no see .
I'm here once again to talk to old friends to gain some self respect once
again .
Those of you who know my story will say oh no , thought you had a happy
Ending , but that leopard didn't change it's spots !
Still no holidays shared with GC , still no Easter egg hunt , no Christmas
morning , no Happy Birthday cakes .
Always , always , bottom of the list for family holidays .
Part of me says no more , but that would be me cutting myself off
from my GC .It's hurtful still , hard to be that happy GM no matter
what .
Just having a bit of a moan to understanding ladies , whilst my
GC enjoy their Easter with other GP again !
Hoping your Easter is happier ......🐦

Offline Stilllearning

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Re: no change after 6 years
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2016, 09:53:28 AM »
LL you cannot change how they treat you.  You can only change how you treat yourself.  My GC are not with me today either, the only difference is that I don't feel left out.  Why?  Because I decided that my life is too short to spend days hurting over things that I cannot change so every time I think about that situation I willfully change my thoughts to something I enjoy thinking about.  It takes practice and I still fall down sometimes but I no longer dwell in the abyss of emotion I used to inhabit.  Now that you have had your "little moan" and gotten that off of your chest maybe you could go have a wonderful Easter!  It is raining here so no Easter eggs hunts for anybody!!

Hugs!

Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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Offline luise.volta

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Re: no change after 6 years
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2016, 11:03:04 AM »
Welcome home, dear friend. We all have to decide for ourselves. I chose not to be a roll model for abuse but that didn't give my grandchildren anything positive. I had to leave that up to my son and his wife and they did a great job. Credit has to go where credit is due. My decision was that I matter. I think yours may be the same. How that translates into daily life is different because we are. And none of us has all good days...each fork in the road has lessons for us. Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline lancaster lady

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Re: no change after 6 years
« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2016, 12:17:42 PM »
Many thanks for your kind words .
It's that horrible word expectations !
No expectations , no disappointment .
I think I will ban holidays as that's the only time I have expectations .  I decided to escape to my art world and spent three hours painting. It worked . The day has passed and I survived .
So lovely to hear from you again Luise , I've missed you and your words of wisdom . I won't leave it so long next time .
Sending hugs .

Offline luise.volta

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Re: no change after 6 years
« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2016, 02:46:54 PM »
There's a plan! One step further might be to plan something really special in advance of each holiday and then have a great time! Hugs...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Green Thumb

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Re: no change after 6 years
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2016, 06:06:07 PM »
I think its our expectations and hope that get us into sadness. We want something and it doesn't happen and we get upset. Its human nature. I was reading in one of my textbooks about how women are socialized to be the glue of their family, keeping everyone together, doing all the work, etc. That made me realize how some of our expectations are probably cause we think we ought to do something or be something and then it doesn't happen. I got invited last minute to Easter luncheon but it meant traveling and staying in a hotel cause the daughter doesn't invite us to stay with her. We didn't go. Made up a good excuse and we spent the weekend cleaning up our current home cause we put an offer into another home. Kept my mind off the holiday.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: no change after 6 years
« Reply #6 on: March 28, 2016, 06:08:37 PM »
Good for you! Hope you get the new place! :D
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pen

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Re: no change after 6 years
« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2016, 12:02:44 PM »
LL, it's good to hear from you again, but I'm sorry things aren't better w/DIL & DS. Holidays are difficult because there are so many reminders that are difficult to dodge. I'm glad you're painting, feeding your soul. Love you  :)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline luise.volta

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Re: no change after 6 years
« Reply #8 on: April 01, 2016, 12:05:14 PM »
Are you still baking those wonderful clotted cream scones?  :D
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline lancaster lady

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Re: no change after 6 years
« Reply #9 on: April 01, 2016, 01:16:04 PM »
I am at the moment Luise .
However we are planning to retire this year and planning to sell up .
More time to travel and fulfil some dreams .
Thankyou Pen lovely to hear from you ,  I have accepted how things are and will be . Just every now and again things stick in my gut and make me both angry and sad .
I feel once I retire I will make plans to travel , if they occur around holiday times sobeit !
Love to all , sending hugs .

Offline Pooh

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Re: no change after 6 years
« Reply #10 on: June 03, 2016, 12:31:44 PM »
Uuuuhhhhh CLOTTED CREAM!  There you two go again...making me gag and grimace!

LL...my Sister from another Mister...you do you.

That's right.  You do YOU!  It doesn't matter what the rest of us did or didn't do, I know how important those GC are to you.  Sooo...now that you are almost retired, plan to travel on the holidays!  You can go see all the wonderful things offered at holidays and don't have to worry about who's spending holidays with whom.  Make yourself unavailable at holidays!

P.S.  I would love to see your paintings someday!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline lancaster lady

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Re: no change after 6 years
« Reply #11 on: June 03, 2016, 01:02:31 PM »
Hi Pooh Bear
So lovely to hear from you again and I HEAR you loud and clear .
I will never be allowed to have full access to my gc , I know that but it still hurts .My DIL has major issues which I don't want to add to , so I smile and move on .
When I think I'm good enough I'll post a painting on here for you  ..😊
Hope you're healthy and happy Pooh .
Sending bear hugs xx

Offline lancaster lady

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Re: no change after 6 years
« Reply #12 on: June 19, 2016, 01:59:38 PM »
I hate to harp on about this but we are now being offered time to see our GC .
After their family get together for lunch we could possibly see them before bedtime . Or after school for an hour .
As next weekend we are away with the family .
I for some silly reason thought I was family , oh yes I forgot the wrong family
Finding it hard not to say what I feel .
Feeling like the poor souls with a begging bowl just to see my GC .
Need to cloak up my heart again , we get let in , then have the door slammed once again .
Why ? I'll never know that answer .
 :(

Offline luise.volta

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Re: no change after 6 years
« Reply #13 on: June 19, 2016, 02:35:45 PM »
Oh, honey. Always your choice to determine how much abuse you will accept. And how much you want your grandchildren to witness and ponder. It's such a touch call...to be a role model for negative lessons. They are going to learn that abuse is OK. Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pen

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Re: no change after 6 years
« Reply #14 on: June 19, 2016, 04:28:46 PM »
LL, (((hugs))) to you. What a spot to be in. Please take care of yourself, you deserve the best (as do we all.)

This weekend was Father's Day in the States...another opportunity to feel unequal, underappreciated, passed over if we choose to look at it that way. My DH handles it better than I do, at least outwardly. I woke up this morning feeling like the fight was finally out of me, I was resigned to it. Permission granted to feel the sadness, then on with my day!

We don't have GC yet so maybe I'll turn into raging GM ("What do we want?" "Equality!" "When do we want it?" "Now!") when the time comes, but more than likely we'll take what we can get. I just hope that we aren't teaching a negative lesson, as Luise says. If it feels like abuse I hope we have the sense to stop it.

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb