Author Topic: My Life Now  (Read 1046 times)

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Offline Pooh

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My Life Now
« on: December 01, 2015, 09:02:51 AM »
Good morning Ladies!

I haven't written a post for awhile, so I thought I would just throw it all together!  My life has been kind of a whirlwind lately and things have happened very quickly over the last few weeks.   So I'm just going to write you a list!

1.  I have an autoimmune disease that attacks my left arm muscles and tissues.  Been under control pretty well, but started having issues a few months ago with some additional pain, numbness in my fingers and started dropping things.  Long story short after multiple tests, my ulnar nerve (your funny bone nerve) is being squished in my upper arm.  Probably scar tissue from the disease, and really is just a progression of the tissue damage.  So I'm having surgery tomorrow.  They are going to go in and "unsquish" the nerve.  (Got to love my medical terms!)  So I'll be out of commission for a couple of weeks with one arm, but the good news is:  HUBBY MUST WRAP ALL THE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS THIS YEAR!!   WOOT WOOT!!

2.  YS decided not to reenlist, so they moved back to our area last week (staying with her family) and they are trying to get situated.  Looking for work, housing, etc.  Don't know where they will eventually land, depending on where he finds a job, but I'm excited to get to see the 3 Grandchildren more for now.  Growing like weeds.  Kept them one day and evening and then saw them twice on Thanksgiving.  Once at my DH's family meal and then my YS and DIL cooked Thanksgiving and invited us over that evening to eat.  Ended up going Black Friday shopping with them for hours and had a blast!  Grateful for his years of service...but grateful to not have to worry about him being in harm's way any longer. 

3.  Ran into an old friend while shopping that lived in my old hometown where my OS/DIL live.  Now, I am one of these people that do not advertise family drama, don't post anything on Facebook about family issues, etc.  So for most people, they either think everything is OK or don't pay attention that they never see pics of me and OS any longer.  So, this person (who is an extreme gossip) immediately goes, "Oh my.  Did you hear about DIL's Mom and Dad getting divorced?  Apparently, he had a heart attack (he's always been very overweight) and decided he had to lose tons of weight or was going to die.  So for months he's been dieting and working out and lost over 100 lbs!  So now he wants to go and do things and she got mad at him because she doesn't like him out running around so they are divorcing after all these years!  I guess she will move in with OS/DIL."  I just smiled and said, "I'm sure they will figure out the details, good seeing you!'  I got away quickly.  Oh My!  Well, I hope OS has fun with that!

I'm telling you all this to say this.  I know many are just starting with the issues with your AC, and I know some are still in the middle of dealing with it.  I remember during those times thinking, "I'll never get over this.  I'll never stop crying.  I'll never stop thinking about this."   I wanted you to know that isn't true.  When you get to the place where you decide for yourself that you are the only person that decides your worth, it gets better.  When you get out of the mindset that you are the Mother, and a good Mother would never stop trying with someone she gave birth to...you will get better.  When you figure out that you, and you only are responsible for your happiness and others just choose/or don't choose to be a part of it...you get better.

Everyone's time table is different.  Mine took a few years, but I can honestly say that when someone mentions my OS now, I just redirect and go on.  I don't stew about it.  It truly doesn't cause me sadness any longer.  I couldn't help but laugh thinking about him having to move his MIL in with in!  He's choosing his path...I get to choose mine.

So stay the path Ladies.  Stop beating your heads against the wall and remind yourself that you were a good parent.  You did things to the best of your ability and there is absolutely no shame in that.  Loving a person we gave birth to but not liking the person they have become, is perfectly fine.  Go out and enjoy life, because guess what?  They are.  I can look back now and see how much time I wasted during those years and I have no one to blame but myself.  I promise you, once you make those decisions and start doing things you enjoy and spending time with those that want to spend time with you...it gets better.  And then you can giggle because your Son/Daughter is going to live with his MIL!

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline luise.volta

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Re: My Life Now
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2015, 09:52:19 AM »
Thank you for sharing that, Pooh. The very best encouragement is the 'Been there, done that...got the T-shirt' share. And the T-shirt has a big Smiley on it! Love and hugs!
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Bamboo2

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Re: My Life Now
« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2015, 03:35:37 PM »
Hi Pooh, I wondered what had happened since we hadn't heard from you in a while.  So sorry to hear about your arm issues, and wish you the best with your surgery and recovery.  You have such an amazing attitude - cracking jokes about hubby wrapping the gifts 🎁 ...good one!

Thank you for your words of support for those of us in the throes of difficulty with AC and/or ILs.  Your words of encouragement and those of others who have walked through the other side are what keep me coming back here, unafraid (most days, anyway) of whatever the future holds.  It is like being thrown a life preserver!

Good news about your YS and family moving closer. Enjoy those grandkids, and I'm sure they will enjoy you as well 😊

Last, sure seems like poetic justice regarding your elder son's MIL going to live with them.  Hmmmm... that might be a little too close for comfort. Good luck with that, eh?

Offline Pen

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Re: My Life Now
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2015, 01:36:21 PM »
Well, well...interesting turn of events for DS, eh?

Thanks for your post. It's great to be reminded to keep working on ourselves & moving forward, because things do get better. So sorry to hear of your latest arm issues, but glad you found a silver lining, he-he.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline PatiencePlease

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Re: My Life Now
« Reply #4 on: December 06, 2015, 06:04:50 PM »
Thank you for sharing your valuable (and healthy) perspective with us. 

Wishing you a speedy recovery & happy healing.  :)

Offline Pooh

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Re: My Life Now
« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2015, 07:52:41 AM »
Thank you guys!  Sorry I haven't been around.  Like everything else I do, I can't do anything the easy way.

The surgery ended up being more difficult than they thought.  Apparently my disease has created massive amounts of scar tissue in my arm, so the nerve was totally squished under the elbow bone.  They had to clean out a lot of scar tissue and then actually move the nerve from under the elbow bone and relocate it into the muscles above my elbow.  Put me out of commission for the last 3-4 weeks.  I'm just now getting where I can use that arm.

It all went well though.  No problems with the actual surgery...and for those inquiring minds...I ended up having to one-hand wrap some Christmas gifts....they looked AWESOME! (insert Sarcasm there).  Hubs got sick...you got it, the day before Christmas and was really ill for 3 days.  So he missed all of Christmas.  I was worn out from loading and unloading (mostly one-handed) and transporting and visiting both sides of the family by myself. It was worth it to see everyone but boy am I still wore out.  Hubs is better and we are jokingly "celebrating Christmas" the next few days.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline luise.volta

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Re: My Life Now
« Reply #6 on: December 29, 2015, 10:06:14 AM »
Oh, wow, Pooh! What a holiday odyssey! Glad your end result is good and DH is OK! Sending hugs
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pen

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Re: My Life Now
« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2015, 12:32:49 PM »
Pooh, you guys really know how to party  :D

I'm glad to hear you are on the mend. Poor DH, glad he's feeling better too.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb