Author Topic: dividing an estate  (Read 1673 times)

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Offline gettingoldandcranky

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dividing an estate
« on: September 28, 2015, 08:55:09 AM »
Hope that i can get some perspective and/or advice.  my dad passed away in january and we are just splitting up his and my mom's estate. i am the oldest and the executor.
my brother moved back home about 3 yrs ago when my dad started to have health problems. brother took care of bills, the house and just was there for my dad.  My father's retirement income covered all bills and brother paid for nothing.  just his own personal expenses. 
my younger sister borrowed money from my dad during this time.  She struggles to pay her bills - jobs in our area just don't pay for the cost of everything.
anyway..... now that things are about to be divided guess what is happening?  sis feels she shouldn't have to pay back her loans because brother got to live for basically "free" for 3 yrs.
i feel that dad made the arrangement with brother - he didn't ask him to pay rent or cover bills.  dad would have helped any of us financially. also, the fact that brother lived with dad was a great help and relief to me that dad had someone with him and helping him.
what do the wise women think?  both brother and sister are circling each other - totally believing that each is right.
i need to decide the fairest option.  and here i am with no loan, and no one covering my bills.  ironically ok with not screaming that this is unfair to me.
help please


Offline Pooh

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Re: dividing an estate
« Reply #1 on: September 28, 2015, 12:16:46 PM »
Divide everything equally, less the loan Sis took which is taken from her share and divided between Brother and you.  Sorry, but that's equal.  My opinion was Brother was being a contributor by being there for Dad.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline jdtm

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Re: dividing an estate
« Reply #2 on: September 28, 2015, 01:15:04 PM »
Was there no will?  Legally, that is your father's wishes and must be followed. Period.  Equal or not equal.  What does your lawyer say?

Offline Stilllearning

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Re: dividing an estate
« Reply #3 on: September 28, 2015, 04:43:03 PM »
A loan must be repaid to the estate before the estate is divided. If our father had loaned anyone else money then your sister would be absolutely adamant that the loan was repaid before the estate was settled. Your brother did not take out a loan, he moved in to help your father (and actually you sister) so that your father did not have to hire help during his last days.  Tell your sister that if she does not want to repay the loan out of her inheritance she should pay your brother for his time taking care of your father.  The total of the "services rendered" by your brother should meet or exceed the loan your sister got.  Good luck!!  I hate it when the heirs fight over the money!!  I hope you end up with a set of siblings who are talking to you and each other!!
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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Offline gettingoldandcranky

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Re: dividing an estate
« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2015, 06:41:11 AM »
thanks for looking at this from the outside.  great advice.  any other loan would be expected to be paid to the estate.
thanks to all

Offline gettingoldandcranky

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Re: dividing an estate
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2015, 07:47:17 AM »
updating this issue.  now my brother wants to buy my sister's and my share for the house that my parents owned.  he is only offering 20,000.  the house is valued at 120,000.
he also is not allowing us to enter the house by keeping the screen doors locked and not opening the house to my sister or i.
i just went to a lawyer yesterday to start the probate process.  the only options he had for me was to contact my brother and give him a 30 day notice to move out.
i feel so guilty about that.  he is a single guy, did have a drinking problem yrs ago.  he had moved away for a few years but then moved back in with my father.
i have an obligation to get the best price for the house for my sister's share of the estate (also for my share).  but i hate the idea that he will be forced to move out of the house and i might never see him again.  i know he will be hurt and angry.
he will not communicate with either my sister or i and i know that i have no other choice, but it is making me feel so terrible.  my parents would be so sad to see this happen.
any thoughts or advice?

Offline Pen

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Re: dividing an estate
« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2015, 04:11:10 PM »
I'm so sorry you're going through this, GOAC. Once someone is living in a house it's hard to get them out, and the emotional turmoil can be shattering. I'm anticipating a similar situation at some point w/ a property DH & his sibs jointly own. Not fun.

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Pooh

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Re: dividing an estate
« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2015, 07:58:05 AM »
So sorry.  It's never easy to do things like this.

I will say that you need to think of it as "He's doing this to himself" more than you are doing it to him.  Not allowing you guys in or responding is his fault, not yours.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Stilllearning

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Re: dividing an estate
« Reply #8 on: December 29, 2015, 09:54:14 AM »
GOAC won't a part of the money you get from the sale of the house go to your brother?  One third of 120K is 40K.  Quite a healthy down payment on a condo and your brother would only have to maintain the interior.  No yard, roof or exterior to worry about.  He will probably be better off that way.  Maybe you and your sister could help him find one and get moved?
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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