Author Topic: Bachelorette Party Etiquette (more or less) Is this ok?  (Read 2107 times)

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SunnyDays09

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Bachelorette Party Etiquette (more or less) Is this ok?
« on: August 27, 2009, 02:07:55 PM »
Lets say bridey to be is having a dinner before the "ho down", so to speak.

  On her guest list is her friends, the groom's  under 21 sister, mother of the bride and two of the MOB sisters (bridey's 50 yo aunts).
   
  Do you think the Mother of Groom might feel hurt by the diss?  Or just chalk it up as one of MANY MANY stupid, tasteless,  passively  agressive, kind of just nasty things that her soon to be dil has done and will do?

  How would you feel if you were excluded?  One of many instances?

 
 
« Last Edit: August 31, 2009, 06:41:16 AM by HappyDays09 »

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Bachelorette Party Etiquette (more or less) Is this ok?
« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2009, 04:26:40 PM »
I would feel like a got a very unjust, unwarranted and uncalled-for but very direct communication that war had been declared and I wouldn't have the first clue as to why.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

AnnieB

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Re: Bachelorette Party Etiquette (more or less) Is this ok?
« Reply #2 on: August 30, 2009, 06:44:38 AM »
I would surely want to know why.... knowing me, I'd analyze the situation to death rather than ask, but... I would want to know ... WHY?

SunnyDays09

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Re: Bachelorette Party Etiquette (more or less) Is this ok?
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2009, 06:59:53 AM »
See, that is how I am.  Why is this happening?  We are getting along.  I am staying out of their business, no advice/comments from me.  I pared my list of invitees for the wedding down to 15 so the exes family could attend.  I said nothing.  I was a good mil to be.
   I was hurt when she ripped my son's baby book apart to get pics for her little placard at the wedding cake table.   I told them there are doubles of these pics in the box you have in the storage.  (Why go to the storage when you can just take them out of the book?)  Well, I did hand the book to them.  But it hurt. (she told me they were removed from the baby book).  Never said a word to them. Were they put back??  None of my business anymore.
   The not being invited to the bachelorette made me begin to analyze.  All the "things" said/done to me, my soninlaw, husband, daughter -- our pets, by them.  Now EVERYTHING is mean spirited to me.  No more coincidences.
   The engagement announcement bridey put in our local paper had the shortened version of my name and my dh (son's stepfather who gave him a whopper of a wedding gift).  And his name was also misspelled in  a way to read a woman's name.  Ha ha, it sounds like you are married to a woman! bridey remarks.  (Contacted paper.  No typo.  Bride submitted those names)
   Her parents - divorced - had their more full, more formal names printed in announcement. 
     It appeared as if it was:  Joan and Jackie.  When it should have been:  JOHN and Jacqueline.  (Not using real names)  But you get the picture.
   Yes, she kept laughing.  I am like, what is wrong here?  It is kind of mean.
  So the total diss over the bachelorette didn't come as a surprise.  Having a 19 year old drive (her sil to be, who is a bridesmaid) to the big city late at night at a bar/restaurant on a weekend and drive home by her self really upset me.  Since there were three 50+year olds in attendance:  HER MOM, HER AUNTS, why not me as well?  Just for the dinner part? Or at least have the new sil to be ride with someone?? Can't for they are all going elsewhere after the dinner.  ok, but what about the older women?  Bridey's mom lives blocks away from me.  She could drop off my daughter at my house.   
   I guess it took awhile for me to get a clue, huh?  Even at this point I was justifying it away.  There was a reasonable explanation.  Then the burning--literally--and everything just began to make sense to me.  Duh!! Bridey don't like me!  LOL!

Cat

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Re: Bachelorette Party Etiquette (more or less) Is this ok?
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2009, 07:38:45 AM »
See, that is how I am.  Why is this happening?  We are getting along.  I am staying out of their business, no advice/comments from me.  I pared my list of invitees for the wedding down to 15 so the exes family could attend.  I said nothing.  I was a good mil to be.
   I was hurt when she ripped my son's baby book apart to get pics for her little placard at the wedding cake table.   I told them there are doubles of these pics in the box you have in the storage.  (Why go to the storage when you can just take them out of the book?)  Well, I did hand the book to them.  But it hurt. (she told me they were removed from the baby book).  Never said a word to them. Were they put back??  None of my business anymore.
   The not being invited to the bachelorette made me begin to analyze.  All the "things" said/done to me, my soninlaw, husband, daughter -- our pets, by them.  Now EVERYTHING is mean spirited to me.  No more coincidences.
   The engagement announcement bridey put in our local paper had the shortened version of my name and my dh (son's stepfather who gave him a whopper of a wedding gift).  And his name was also misspelled in  a way to read a woman's name.  Ha ha, it sounds like you are married to a woman! bridey remarks.  (Contacted paper.  No typo.  Bride submitted those names)
   Her parents - divorced - had their more full, more formal names printed in announcement. 
     It appeared as if it was:  Joan and Jackie.  When it should have been:  JOHN and Jacqueline.  (Not using real names)  But you get the picture.
   Yes, she kept laughing.  I am like, what is wrong here?  It is kind of mean.
  So the total diss over the bachelorette didn't come as a surprise.  Having a 19 year old drive (her sil to be, who is a bridesmaid) to the big city late at night at a bar/restaurant on a weekend and drive home by her self really upset me.  Since there were three 50+year olds in attendance:  HER MOM, HER AUNTS, why not me as well?  Just for the dinner part? Or at least have the new sil to be ride with someone?? Can't for they are all going elsewhere after the dinner.  ok, but what about the older women?  Bridey's mom lives blocks away from me.  She could drop off my daughter at my house.   
   I guess it took awhile for me to get a clue, huh?  Even at this point I was justifying it away.  There was a reasonable explanation.  Then the burning--literally--and everything just began to make sense to me.  Duh!! Bridey don't like me!  LOL!

Hi Happy,
From a dil point of view.
Well. If I planned something like that, and I knew your daughter was going to be there I would have invited you- if you were my MIL.
Don't get mad, get even.
If you want to spend time with her, organised something yourself! maybe??-would you like to spent more time with her?
You would never know what her reasons were for the dinner, and who's idea it was, and who organised it, and who even - maybe- told her you would not like to be there??

Maybe the best way to handle a situation, is not to get mad, not to argue and not to make assumptions. I would have phoned my DIL and asked her if I could organise a kind of dinner party for her, and then name everyone-including her own mother you would like to invite, and tell her that you want to spend special time with her as well.

DIL and MIL should really start speeking their minds, because all of these issues just builds up and up and up over the years, and it gets pretty ugly.

Maybe it is just evil and pittyful and sad, the way she is acting, but don't let it get you under! Just keep your side clean!Just posting on this website means you have a good heart and that you sincerely cared, otherwise you would not have been hurt by everything.

(and regarding the baby photos you talked about- I kindly asked my MIL if I could have just one of my hubby's baby pictures- she blatantly just said no- this really hurt my feelings, after a few years I asked her again, because I though: she couldn't be THIS abscessed with her son and evil?? COULD SHE?? NOT allowing me even 1 picture? well, I asked again and she just laughed and walked away- hiding all the photos from me. Can you Imagen that?)
(and regarding the name that was printed incorrectly, well my MIL/FIL wrote their son a card, after 2years of being married, and they spelt my name wrong, terribly wrong. how sad is that???)
« Last Edit: September 03, 2009, 09:25:46 AM by Cat »

SunnyDays09

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Re: Bachelorette Party Etiquette (more or less) Is this ok?
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2009, 10:06:53 AM »
Pretty much any and all attempts to do things with her went over with a thud and pretty much a no go.  Maybe I just used up all her air?  I don't know.  I try to put people at ease.  Everyone.  Strangers. Family. Friends.  Treat them with respect and kindness. 
   I wish YOUR mil could have had MY DIL.  They are match made in heaven.

   I truly believe my dil was going to make something out of nothing.  She sure tried hard enough.  If it was part and parcel that a mil is a stress in a new dil's life she was entitled to it.  I really feel this way.  Since I didn't budge and was repeatedly taking what she dished out, it had to get more aggressive.  Nice didn't work with this one at all. 

  It only hurt for a little while when I noticed the photo.  I gave them that book.  I gave them all the dupes of son and his family and of his life.  But I did ask, please don't remove it.  Just get the others from storage?  Being nice was just not her style.  She is in control.  She is going to do what she wishes.  Why was I trying to start something?  See?  I couldn't win. 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Bachelorette Party Etiquette (more or less) Is this ok?
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2009, 07:41:16 PM »
The photo thing is the pits. What is that all about?

When my son died and I made up that album of his life...from birth (well, pre-birth because there's even a picture of me pregnant)...to age 52 when he was a grandfather...many of the pictures were original pictures with no duplicates.

Then came the witch burning (with me being the witch) nine days after the memorial service and the book disappeared. Years later we met again at my grandson's (her step-son's) wedding and did just fine. I asked to borrow the book to make duplicates and I got some pages but not all. (And you all know the law...accept crumbs; say nothing.)

I don't have a clue about this picture thing. It's like the image is the person or something. Does it follow that possessing the pictures is possessing the individual? It's nuts.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

SunnyDays09

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Re: Bachelorette Party Etiquette (more or less) Is this ok?
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2009, 06:41:52 AM »
  Also, have I gone completely off my nut or is it just a coincidence that her sister posed HER child quite similar to the way my son was posed in the pic?  And they are both dressed similarly.  And her sister uses the pic on all the online things she belonged to. 
  It hurt.  Her whole family knew that seeing the pic removed from the baby book was a hot spot for me.  So how do they handle?  By the oldest sister - the MAID OF HONOR - putting her child in a stroller, with hat/sunglasses/sandals and taking a pic.  No.  Must be just a coincidence.  And to make sure that pic is posted in many places I would be (family myspace.  family facebook, etc)

   Or how about eliminating the dates that are associated with ME?  They just happened to get engaged on my birthday?  In reality it happened two days before. They bought the ring on a boat together.  She wanted a more formal thing at a dinner with him on bended knee and she chose two days later - my birthday!!  Whatever.
   How, tho, did she have her child three days before my wedding anniversary?   It's just odd.  Maybe I am now certifiably insane.  Whatever.  But it seems too coincidental.  There are other dates important to me that she has taken and remade for herself. 
Gotta hand it to her:    its a good tactic, huh?

What drives this shell of a human with no soul? 

That's fine.  I'll just take it as the sincerest form of flattery.  She is trying to mirror me and my life. 
   Poor thing.  She's just a mess.  If she had her own true identity she wouldn't be so concerned with taking over mine!   I wonder if not know what is going on now with me is driving her even more crazy.  I hope so.  She deserves it.  :)
« Last Edit: September 10, 2009, 06:46:12 AM by HappyDays09 »

chickiebaby

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Re: Bachelorette Party Etiquette (more or less) Is this ok?
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2009, 06:47:52 AM »
Sometimes I think when people do these things deliberately to hurt someone they are really stating how miserable they are.  I wonder if she's projecting her misery onto you?  I need Alicev to help me. 


SunnyDays09

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Re: Bachelorette Party Etiquette (more or less) Is this ok?
« Reply #9 on: September 16, 2009, 07:49:26 AM »
Her misery of what?? 
   Being empty?  No soul? No compassion?   

  Wouldn't normal of average intelligence newly marrieds just want their OWN special days/dates for only them? 

   Why have such a goofy plan?  Misery?  I dunno.

   I didn't come up with the perhaps scenario that she was trying to eliminate my special dates, tho.  But they sure put the idea into my head and now it's there forever.    It does seem so coincidental, doesn't it?  My birthday, my anniversary, etc. are dates that belong to her/him in a special way??
   

2chickiebaby

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Re: Bachelorette Party Etiquette (more or less) Is this ok?
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2009, 07:56:51 AM »
I think from what you describe of her, it's all of those things, jealousy, no soul, empty, no compassion.  I think jealousy is the best description.  How totally miserable she HAS to be!! 

I don't think it's coincidental; all these dates??  I don't think so. 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Bachelorette Party Etiquette (more or less) Is this ok?
« Reply #11 on: September 17, 2009, 09:49:30 AM »
AliceV where Aaaaarrreee yoooouuuu? I am working on Chick's insight that the cruel person is miserable. That's brilliant. And there's a Soul in there someplace...isn't there? I know that's a belief-oriented question and that part of us can be totally neglected by pathology.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

2chickiebaby

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Re: Bachelorette Party Etiquette (more or less) Is this ok?
« Reply #12 on: September 17, 2009, 02:31:36 PM »
I miss Alicev....since I've become a new person, I miss her wise words!