Author Topic: The Three Things You Would Like Your Adult Children to Know  (Read 4204 times)

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Offline Pen

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Re: The Three Things You Would Like Your Adult Children to Know
« Reply #15 on: May 17, 2014, 11:55:03 PM »
Hey CP, thanks for the advice. I don't expect anything to change, I just have an urge to correct some misunderstandings about my life and times.

Unfortunately my DS hasn't been too interested in my family history (except for the parts he tries to impress others with) until recently. He actually asked for some copies of family papers and photos the other day. It wouldn't be out of the blue to include a letter about my "real" life in a bunch of papers from my family, but I will think about it before including it and make sure my intentions are pure.

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Cranky Pants

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Re: The Three Things You Would Like Your Adult Children to Know
« Reply #16 on: May 18, 2014, 12:08:35 AM »
Thanks, Pen.

I'm pretty sure I've got some serious problems with my kidneys, more and more symptoms are showing.  I have an appointment with a doctor next Friday but have decided to go to a walk in clinic tomorrow, would like to know what my creatinine levels are.

Will touch base when I have some news.

CP

Offline Cranky Pants

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Re: The Three Things You Would Like Your Adult Children to Know
« Reply #17 on: May 18, 2014, 01:51:16 PM »
Hi, I went to a walk in clinic today and was able to see a doctor.  They are sending me for a battery of tests on Tuesday but don't believe my symptoms are necessarily as dire as I predicted them to be.

I'm relieve that I'll get a full workup and should have some results soon.  I have always known that kidney disease is in my family, my genetic disposition since I turned 60 are the cards that I have to play.  So I hope the old saying "It's not the cards you're dealt, it's how you play the hand"

I'm hoping that I'll get some good news later this week or early next.  I'll keep doing what I was doing which is getting paperwork organized and even planning my funeral.  I bought a book that talks about planning the party of your life if you someone who has some advance notice.

Many thanks to all,
CP

Offline Pooh

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Re: The Three Things You Would Like Your Adult Children to Know
« Reply #18 on: May 19, 2014, 07:05:07 AM »
That's good news that it may not be as critical as you thought.  Sending good thoughts your way for the tests!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline elsieshaye

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Re: The Three Things You Would Like Your Adult Children to Know
« Reply #19 on: May 20, 2014, 12:53:48 PM »
CP,

I don't have good advice about what 3 things, because I'm not sure that what I would want to write to my son is life lessons.  He's racking up his own wisdom, by making his own decisions (good, bad or otherwise), and what was meaningful and true for me may not be so for him.  I guess what I'd most like my own son to know is that I loved him, what my favorite memories of him are, and maybe some of the positive things I never quite got around to saying while I had the time.

Elsie
This too shall pass.  All is well.

Offline Cranky Pants

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Re: The Three Things You Would Like Your Adult Children to Know
« Reply #20 on: May 21, 2014, 06:32:29 PM »
Thanks for the post, Elsie.

CP

Offline Cranky Pants

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Re: The Three Things You Would Like Your Adult Children to Know
« Reply #21 on: May 31, 2014, 05:41:40 PM »
I have a partial update.  I have some new symptoms that appear to me that I might have an ulcer, not sure if I have anything more serious will find out later this week when I get all the test results.  My computer was hacked last week at GMAIL and 7 years of correspondence and contacts was lost.  Just another little tiresome detail to make life a little "interesting". 

I have decided not to make a video for my son.  I've decided to take the wise advice of Sir Paul McCartney to "Let It Be".

Thanks to everyone,
CP

Offline Cranky Pants

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Re: The Three Things You Would Like Your Adult Children to Know
« Reply #22 on: June 03, 2014, 03:30:05 PM »
I got some good news today.  The big things they were testing me for came up normal.  I still have a few other issues but they are  not life threatening.

Thanks to everyone who sent prayers and good vibes.
CP

Offline Pooh

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Re: The Three Things You Would Like Your Adult Children to Know
« Reply #23 on: June 05, 2014, 06:36:10 AM »
Great news CP!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline cynthiakayaks

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Re: The Three Things You Would Like Your Adult Children to Know
« Reply #24 on: September 17, 2014, 01:40:06 PM »
The longer my adult son shuts me out, the more leaving him something after I leave becomes a concern.
I want to say so much to him...but I have to consider the audience.
My son's perception of things isn't the same as mine so I'm not sure he'll ever understand where I'm coming from...maybe if he ever has children he will...

Anyway, I will offer my experience as an adult daughter of a father who died. He left me nothing and our relationship was strained and unhealthy.
After he passed, I began having nightmares about him. Gory ones where he crawls out of his grave.
The fact that we never were able to reconcile before he died haunts me each and every day. I'm sure he had no idea, poor thing had lung cancer. I can't even imagine the fear and pain he had to face without me there.

I was so young and stupid at the time and I wish I would have rushed to his side during his dying moments.
Death leaves us no options, no explanations and no happy endings. Please consider this when you write to you estranged children.
The hell they will go through after you pass will not be made better by pointing out the pain they caused.
Try and leave them with something that they can take through the rest of their lives and hopefully have a better relationship with their own children.
(even when their horrible brats and we don't think they deserve it)

Offline jdtm

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Re: The Three Things You Would Like Your Adult Children to Know
« Reply #25 on: September 17, 2014, 02:13:46 PM »
Quote
Try and leave them with something that they can take through the rest of their lives

Wise words.  I believe how the "will" is divided says more about the deceased than the beneficiaries.  An estate divided fairly (and fair does not necessarily mean equal) and honestly does indeed reflect on the character of the deceased.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: The Three Things You Would Like Your Adult Children to Know
« Reply #26 on: September 17, 2014, 02:14:28 PM »
It is tough to look closely at all of this. The thing I resort to, when I come up against a wall is to use 'I' statements...not 'You' statements in an attempt to remind myself that my truths are all perceptions and not the only way to look at things. And I don't like any of that. Sending hugs...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline luise.volta

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Re: The Three Things You Would Like Your Adult Children to Know
« Reply #27 on: September 17, 2014, 02:31:28 PM »
In the '60s, I was a beneficiary in my uncle's will. He left everything he had to his sister and asked her to divide it up in whatever way she felt wise when the time came. I received $13,000 which was an astronomical amount! Recently a friend of mine lost her last surviving parent who left his estate equally divided between the three siblings. She and her brother gave their entire share to the sister who lived next door to their parents and was their care given on many levels for many years.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher