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Simply lost as to why my adult children hate/dislike me

Started by lostmom, June 09, 2014, 09:13:15 PM

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Reihldream

My situation is a little different than yours....but the outcome is the same. I have a daughter who hates me and has the same feelings as your daughter seems to have. I recognize the pain in your writing. I feel it everyday. I have tried everything in my power to talk to her and figure this out. People tell me I have to let her go and that she will see things clearly when she matures and has kids of her own. But no one can tell me how to live through this in the meantime. I'm not convinced that she will ever love me again, and I can't let go. I feel like I need closure. I need her to talk to me and tell me what she is thinking and feeling. Do you feel that way? Do you ever feel like it would be easier to accept if she would help you understand why she doesn't want you? Maybe it wouldn't help...I don't know. But I don't think you should beat yourself up over bad decisions you made when you were young. You should be proud of the good decisions you made as you got older. 

Stilllearning

Oh my goodness R, you hit on the nail on the head!  The hardest part for us mothers is to give up.  We have to stop trying to fix things.  We have to give up on our hopes for how things were going to be.  We have to accept that our parenting years are over and we have somehow slipped into obsolescence in our children's lives.  They get to dictate how often we see them, hear from them, or interact with them.  We are now longer a center figure in their lives and nothing we do is going to change that.

So what do you do?  The only thing you can do is change the focus of your life to things you enjoy.  You did a great job raising your children and it is time for you to have some fun!  So when it gets you down start thinking about things you enjoy.  Plan a trip, even if it is only across town to the park you have always driven by but never explored!  Check out that antique store you never had the time to enter.  Join a club, start an exercise group, volunteer at a hospital.  Give your time to things that make you happy and put your kids on the back burner.  Try it and I bet you will like it.  I sure did!!!!
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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luise.volta

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