Trying to Be Okay, Help

[C.]

Luise, I know what you say is true and wise.  Thanks for the reminder.  A very good friend is coming to stay for the weekend.  She lives across the country, haven't seen her for some years now.  My youngest will be with her dad. I am so excited!  We are going to kick out all available jams.    I know it is time to move forward into this new part of my journey.  Thank you so much for the hand holding.  xo

[C.]

Hello, all.  So, E has been gone for about five weeks now and has returned to treating me just as E did before E's life fell apart and E moved in with me and stayed with me for 11 months.  All communication has been cut off, save an occasional, terse, demanding email about what I am supposed to do with E's mail.  Shortly after E moved out, I emailed E asking what to do with E's mail. In the case of packages, the post office does not deliver to my house (I live in the country).  If the package cannot fit into my mailbox, it is held at the post office until someone retrieves it.  This is difficult for me because I work Monday through Friday when the post office is open and it is closed on the weekends.  I literally have to take time off work in order to retrieve mail that is being held.  Anyway, E asked me to write on everything, "Not at this address" and send it back.  I've done that, with the exception of one large package that I have to bring back to the post office when it's open, because it doesn't fit into the blue post office bin outside.   E emailed me asking what the problem is and why I haven't I returned this and apparently another package (that I don't think I've seen).   Would you respond?  At this point, I am feeling like I am just going to ignore these rude emails that do not even include a greeting or a signature, just "what is the problem, why haven't you returned my mail."    I am trying to focus on not trying to make sense of the senseless.

[Footloose]

Sorry to hear of your continuing challenges as she figures out your new normal but it is very common.  I would tape a note to the inside of the mailbox door so the carrier can easily see when they deliver;
Her full name
And that she has moved w/o a forwarding address. Ignore any pkg notices for her and be done with playing her postmaster.

I would also keep the large pkg. for her and not be troubled in taking it anywhere. You are in your rights to keep it for yourself as she most Limey told the sender she did not receive it.

She has your contact info and will reach out when she is ready. Make no contact to her and respect her wishes. If she contacts u with any rudeness, tell her u will be blocking her email and u will only be willing to talk civilly over the phone cuz u can easily hang up if she is abusive.

What will u do with all the new freedom from her? What will u fill your time with?

I ignored my son for six mos and he finally reached out...for money and I gave him none. He checks in from time to time but it is clear that he no longer controls me in any way.

He welcomed me to friend his wife on Facebook so I could see pics of my GCs so I did. Not 3 weeks later, she posted happy grandparents day to her mom and dad and said how the children just adored them so. No mention of me or DH.  I sent an email a week layer and told them I deleted my Fakebook acct and could no longer communicate via social media because I was having issues w a particular "friend" in that site. He later asked me why and I told him I hate social media and refuse to participate ever again. I was not going to bring up the whole truth because what good would another battle do anyone?

Stay strong! This time is about and for YOU!

[luise.volta]

My take would be to send one more email that I am done visiting the post office and he is responsible for instituting a change of address. I would ask the Postmaster how to handle it without participating, perhaps by taking his name off my address since he no longer lies there. You are healing and standing your ground. My hat's off to you! :-)

[Pooh]

My take would be to send one more email that I am done visiting the post office and he is responsible for instituting a change of address. I would ask the Postmaster how to handle it without participating, perhaps by taking his name off my address since he no longer lies there. You are healing and standing your ground. My hat's off to you! :-)

This is what I was going to say.  I would answer and put it back on him.  It's his responsibility to fill out a change of address form, not yours.

[C.]

Thanks so much, Footloose, Luise and Pooh!  <3  As it turns out, the big package I was concerned about had actually been delivered to my house via UPS and could not be sent back "Return to Sender."  I feel like I am so traumatized, honestly, by my many horrible interactions with a couple of my grown kids that my brain doesn't work the way it should at times.  If I'd looked carefully,  I'd have seen that this was a UPS-delivered package that I could not "return to sender -- I'm glad I couldn't fit it into the post office box!  E attempted to involve another one of my adult kids about this this past weekend, asking [the other adult kid] to go to my house and find out why this package has not been "returned to sender."  I explained there is no "return to sender" option when it comes to UPS.  (UPS is coming to my house to retrieve the package today.)  E actually did fill out a forwarding notice with the post office, but E moved out basically overnight so some things might have come before the forwarding order was in effect, but one of these was not this package.  I set it out for the UPS guy marked "Not at this address."  Done!  This is also the last time I am going to allow E to go through another of my kids this way.  So very done with this kind of thing.  Thanks again, all of you, for being here, such good encouragement.  xo

[Pen]

Good for you, C!

[C.]