Author Topic: The story of my precious Granddaughter  (Read 5996 times)

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Offline Pooh

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The story of my precious Granddaughter
« on: May 20, 2010, 07:00:59 AM »
I wanted to share the story of my precious granddaughter with you and the trials that my youngest son is enduring because I am having such difficulties with my older son; I wanted to give praise to my younger one for becoming such a great man.  Sorry, it is going to be long to give you the entire story so I decided I would give you the beginning and then if you are interested, I will give you the rest.  It will not hurt my feelings if no one wants to hear it, because it is long.  Lol.

When my youngest son was 17 and beginning his senior year, he came to me and said he needed to talk to me about something very important.  I was prepared to hear about a college decision or something about sports.  What I got absolutely floored me.  “Mom, my girlfriend is pregnant and it’s mine.”  His girlfriend was 16 and starting her junior year.  I cannot even put into words everything I felt at that moment.  I was so angry, disappointed, shocked and felt like such a failure.  My sons and I had always been close and talked about everything, so we had spoken at length about sex and protecting yourself.  I had decided I wasn’t going to be a naïve parent and think my sons would wait until they were married to have sex, so the conversations had covered how to protect themselves and the female.  Both boys were honor students, very popular at school and sports jocks their entire lives.
 
After I could catch my breath and stop crying, I unloaded on him.  “How could you be so stupid.  I taught you how to protect yourself.  What have you done? Etc.”  Not the proudest moment in my parenting career, but I was angry.  He sat there and just nodded at me the entire time going, “I know Mom.  I know.”  He allowed me to vent for a long time until I was spent.  He had tears rolling down his face but took it well.  After a little while, I was able to speak more rationally and asked some key questions.  “Do you want to get married?”  His answer was no that they had discussed it, and neither one of them wanted to do that yet.  They wanted to make it through the pregnancy and birth, finish school and then get married.  I was very proud of both of them for thinking it through like adults.  I really liked this girl.  She was very smart, funny and had a great personality.  She ended up coming over and we all talked about it together.  My son said he was going to drop out of his sports and go to work after school to start saving money for the baby.  He wanted to be part of the pregnancy and support her any way he could.   The very next day, he found a job.

Two days later, her mother dropped in on me at work and asked if we could talk.  I left work and we went to a park and talked for a couple of hours.  She was understandably upset and vented for a while.  I listened and told her I completely understood.  I was catching on to the fact that she was blaming my son for the pregnancy but I just listened.  Then, during the last part of the conversation she began telling me what the kids were going to do.  She was going to take them to get married and move my son in with them.  She would take care of the baby so her daughter could finish school and take care of everything.  She even made the comment, “Well, I was always worried when my daughter graduated, I would be left alone, so now I don’t have to worry about that.”  My red flags were flying high and I pointed out that the kids didn’t want to get married and were just asking for our help and support until they both got out of school.  She became very angry and demanded that I tell my son he was going to marry her.  Needless to say, we both left angry because I wouldn’t agree.  I did everything I could to reassure her that my son was going to help every way possible and would be there for her daughter and the baby.  Her final words to me were, “You are crazy.  He’s a man isn’t he?  He will abandon her.”

The next day my son came home and said, “XXXXX told me that her mother says I can only see her if I come to their house.  She’s not allowed to come to our house or go anywhere without her mother.  If we want to go somewhere, she has to go with us.  I am to never be alone with XXXXX again.”  I felt so bad for him but told him, “You will have to abide by her rules, no matter how bad they are until she calms down.”  He agreed and for the next three weeks, went to her house every day he wasn’t working to be with her.  I noticed a big change in him, he seemed so depressed but I attributed it to the situation.  He finally came in the last night and started crying.  “Mom, I can’t do it anymore.”  When I asked him what was going on, he told me what he had been enduring the last three weeks.  The mother had been putting both of them in hard chairs and pulling the bible out, reading to them for hours.  She told them she didn’t want to see them touch each other at all.  No hand holding, nothing.  She refused to leave them alone for even a minute and when her daughter would leave the room, she would berate my son and tell him how horrible he was.  I was sitting there listening, getting angrier and angrier but holding my tongue until he told me the final thing that had happened this evening.  She had made him go outside and walk with her.  When they reached the edge of the woods, she stopped and pulled a shotgun from the bushes and told him, “If I ever see you touch her again, I will use this and kill you.  Understand?”  He had just nodded out of fear and then left.

Ok, I knew this was going to be long to give you all the background….so I will leave it up to you guys if you want the rest of the story.  I don’t want to bore anyone.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline luise.volta

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Re: The story of my precious Granddaughter
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2010, 09:37:25 AM »
That is almost (but not quite) beyond my ability to believe. When adults act like that, where are the role models? And she was obviously locking the bard door after the horse was long gone. Unimaginable behavior from a violent dangerous woman! I am seeing someone with a Bible in one had and a gun in the other. Terrifying!

How long ago did that happen and how are things now? Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

cremebrulee

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Re: The story of my precious Granddaughter
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2010, 09:59:02 AM »

Pooh, welcome and...
OMG, this is like watching a movie...
My Gosh, I don't know what I'd have done if I were his mother...
This woman sounds like are real nut case (I'm sorry but she is not all together there, and I fear there will be terrible trouble the rest of your lives with this woman, she is dangerous, how is your son)...and now, I'm wondering about ther daughter, and what effects this woman has had on her?  What I mean to say is, growing up in this kind of environment, well, I'm sure some of her mother rubbed off on her, and maybe not?

  Is there a husband...?

Oh, my....I am so so so sorry you are going thru this, and yes, I would like to know the rest of the story...Those poor children?  I feel very badly for everyone concerned....
How are you doing with all of this and how did you handle it...?

by the way, your son sounds like a mature and responsible caring young man....you did good....

hugs
Creme
« Last Edit: May 20, 2010, 10:01:36 AM by cremebrulee »

Offline Pooh

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Re: The story of my precious Granddaughter
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2010, 11:06:50 AM »
Thanks guys, I am feeling like a miniseries right now but finding this extremely therapeutic.  I don't think I have ever sat down and went thru the entire thing in sequence.  When you are in the middle of it, it kind of all blurs together.

Ok, I will give you part two but answer your questions first.  There was no husband in the Mother's life.  Yes, over the last 3 years we have come to realize the Mother has SERIOUS mental issues.  The daughter unfortunately has been affected tremendously by her Mother throughout her life but has blinders on.  In her eyes, there is nothing wrong with her Mother and everyone else is lying.  But you will see as I get further along, the daughter has taken after her.

Personally, this all started in October of 2007.  I had been married for 20 years.  I thought I had a solid marriage.  Not perfect, but good.  In February, in the middle of all this, he announced that he was moving out and then 2 days later, moved his 27 year old girlfriend in with him.  I am not sure now if the stress of the pregnancy led him to do what he did, but he wasn't handling the situation well.  He wanted my son to just walk away and be done with it.  That caused some major arguments between us during those few months.  So, I was also dealing with his leaving me for a younger woman in the middle of this.  BUT, before anyone starts feeling sorry for me....DON'T.  If he had not done what he did, I would not have met the most wonderful man in the world last year and married him in the fall.  At the time, it was devastating to me but now, I am very thankful.  God works in mysterious ways......

Part II

Well needless to say, I couldn’t control my anger at this.  I immediately called her and confronted her.  She denied the entire incident and said he was making things up.  She also denied all the rest except for the part about she couldn’t come to our house.   “Well, you know what.  I raised him to do the right thing and he is trying.  But because of your threats to his life, he will no longer be allowed around you.  And if I hear of you threatening my son again, I will call the police and have it reported.”  Then I hung up.  I knew I was probably sealing my son’s fate in regards to the daughter and their baby, but I could not allow his life to be put in danger.  I told him that when he got to school the next day, he needed to seek out XXXXX and explain what had happened.  He had never told her about anything her Mother had been doing to him because he said, I quote, “I know she has enough to handle with being pregnant and I don’t want to cause her any more stress.”  Bless him, he has such a big heart.

Well, I am sure you can guess what happened.  When he talked to her at school the next day, she didn’t believe him.  She kept saying her Mother would never do those things and that her Mother had warned her that he would try to create something so it would be her fault that he abandoned her!  I had never realized until this moment how cruel someone could be.  She literally had just set up my son.  He tried to reason with her but she just said, “If you wanted out, all you had to do was say so.”  He told me he pleaded with her to understand and that he didn’t want out.  He loved her and wanted to be there for her and the baby.  She wouldn’t listen and over the next few weeks, wouldn’t even look at him.  He was so pitiful.  He continued to work and put money in the bank and we started buying things for the baby.  I purchased two of everything.  Two strollers, two playpens, outfits, toys, etc.  We kept putting one set aside with intentions of giving them to her either if she decided to come back into his life, or after the baby was born.  But he walked around in a fog and so depressed.  I kept telling him that hopefully she would come around and if not, we would do whatever we had to, to see his child.  We saw a Lawyer who said she would take on the visitation case, but that she couldn’t start anything until the child was born.

We lived in a small town, so gossip runs rampant.  We had people that kept us updated on everything without us even having to ask.  I can’t tell you how many people came up to us and said, “You know her mother is physco?”  I felt so sorry for XXXXX having to live in that environment, but she had been so brainwashed by her mother that she truly believed everything her mother was telling her.  I found out that her father had left when XXXX was two because he couldn’t handle her physcotic rages any longer.  Her story was that he beat her and was abusive to them.  I have no idea which one is the truth, but from my experience with her, I would tend to believe his story.  Regardless of which one is true, apparently the mother decided then that all men were evil.  I found out she had never even been out on a date in 14 years and had pretty much made the daughter her life.  That explained much of what was going on, but it was still terrible to watch my son mope around when he had been such a happy person.

Fast forward to the birth.  A week prior, my son ran into XXXXX and begged her to let him know when she was in labor, so he could come.  She told him that her mother had already said if “anyone” from our side showed up, she would cause a scene and have them thrown out.  She wouldn’t even tell him how anything was going.  A week later, my son gets a text message with a picture on his cell phone.  It was his daughter!  One of HER relatives had taken the picture in the nursery and sent it to him with a message that said, “I have never agreed with how they treated you, so I thought you had a right to know.  Please don’t tell them where you got it.”  He was so excited but so sad.  He rushed to my work to show it to me and we cried together because we wanted to hold her so bad.  But at least we knew she was here and healthy.

The next day, we were sitting in the Lawyer’s parking lot at 8 a.m.   And so the battle began…….
« Last Edit: May 20, 2010, 11:12:27 AM by Pooh »
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

cremebrulee

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Re: The story of my precious Granddaughter
« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2010, 11:56:11 AM »
Thanks guys, I am feeling like a miniseries right now but finding this extremely therapeutic.  I don't think I have ever sat down and went thru the entire thing in sequence.  When you are in the middle of it, it kind of all blurs together.

Ok, I will give you part two but answer your questions first.  There was no husband in the Mother's life.  Yes, over the last 3 years we have come to realize the Mother has SERIOUS mental issues.  The daughter unfortunately has been affected tremendously by her Mother throughout her life but has blinders on.  In her eyes, there is nothing wrong with her Mother and everyone else is lying.  But you will see as I get further along, the daughter has taken after her.

Personally, this all started in October of 2007.  I had been married for 20 years.  I thought I had a solid marriage.  Not perfect, but good.  In February, in the middle of all this, he announced that he was moving out and then 2 days later, moved his 27 year old girlfriend in with him.  I am not sure now if the stress of the pregnancy led him to do what he did, but he wasn't handling the situation well.  He wanted my son to just walk away and be done with it.  That caused some major arguments between us during those few months.  So, I was also dealing with his leaving me for a younger woman in the middle of this.  BUT, before anyone starts feeling sorry for me....DON'T.  If he had not done what he did, I would not have met the most wonderful man in the world last year and married him in the fall.  At the time, it was devastating to me but now, I am very thankful.  God works in mysterious ways......

Part II

Well needless to say, I couldn’t control my anger at this.  I immediately called her and confronted her.  She denied the entire incident and said he was making things up.  She also denied all the rest except for the part about she couldn’t come to our house.   “Well, you know what.  I raised him to do the right thing and he is trying.  But because of your threats to his life, he will no longer be allowed around you.  And if I hear of you threatening my son again, I will call the police and have it reported.”  Then I hung up.  I knew I was probably sealing my son’s fate in regards to the daughter and their baby, but I could not allow his life to be put in danger.  I told him that when he got to school the next day, he needed to seek out XXXXX and explain what had happened.  He had never told her about anything her Mother had been doing to him because he said, I quote, “I know she has enough to handle with being pregnant and I don’t want to cause her any more stress.”  Bless him, he has such a big heart.

Well, I am sure you can guess what happened.  When he talked to her at school the next day, she didn’t believe him.  She kept saying her Mother would never do those things and that her Mother had warned her that he would try to create something so it would be her fault that he abandoned her!  I had never realized until this moment how cruel someone could be.  She literally had just set up my son.  He tried to reason with her but she just said, “If you wanted out, all you had to do was say so.”  He told me he pleaded with her to understand and that he didn’t want out.  He loved her and wanted to be there for her and the baby.  She wouldn’t listen and over the next few weeks, wouldn’t even look at him.  He was so pitiful.  He continued to work and put money in the bank and we started buying things for the baby.  I purchased two of everything.  Two strollers, two playpens, outfits, toys, etc.  We kept putting one set aside with intentions of giving them to her either if she decided to come back into his life, or after the baby was born.  But he walked around in a fog and so depressed.  I kept telling him that hopefully she would come around and if not, we would do whatever we had to, to see his child.  We saw a Lawyer who said she would take on the visitation case, but that she couldn’t start anything until the child was born.

We lived in a small town, so gossip runs rampant.  We had people that kept us updated on everything without us even having to ask.  I can’t tell you how many people came up to us and said, “You know her mother is physco?”  I felt so sorry for XXXXX having to live in that environment, but she had been so brainwashed by her mother that she truly believed everything her mother was telling her.  I found out that her father had left when XXXX was two because he couldn’t handle her physcotic rages any longer.  Her story was that he beat her and was abusive to them.  I have no idea which one is the truth, but from my experience with her, I would tend to believe his story.  Regardless of which one is true, apparently the mother decided then that all men were evil.  I found out she had never even been out on a date in 14 years and had pretty much made the daughter her life.  That explained much of what was going on, but it was still terrible to watch my son mope around when he had been such a happy person.

Fast forward to the birth.  A week prior, my son ran into XXXXX and begged her to let him know when she was in labor, so he could come.  She told him that her mother had already said if “anyone” from our side showed up, she would cause a scene and have them thrown out.  She wouldn’t even tell him how anything was going.  A week later, my son gets a text message with a picture on his cell phone.  It was his daughter!  One of HER relatives had taken the picture in the nursery and sent it to him with a message that said, “I have never agreed with how they treated you, so I thought you had a right to know.  Please don’t tell them where you got it.”  He was so excited but so sad.  He rushed to my work to show it to me and we cried together because we wanted to hold her so bad.  But at least we knew she was here and healthy.

The next day, we were sitting in the Lawyer’s parking lot at 8 a.m.   And so the battle began…….

ey yi yi Pooh...

I don't have anything to add that will help you...it sounds like you've got it pretty much together despite the pain you have all gone thru...and yes, thank goodness you have not only a good husband, but a wonderful son as well....

I don't know why we are made to go thru these things...however, I do hope in the end, your son wins out and gets quality me time with his child, as well as the child's grand parents...

I've heard, that grand parents have the right to fight for visitation with they're grand child...
Is your son paying her child support?

How are things going with the attorney? 

Please know, that I wish you and yours all the strength and good will in the world...you all surely deserve it....

Hugs
Creme

Offline Pooh

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Re: The story of my precious Granddaughter
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2010, 12:07:05 PM »
Ok, last chapter to let you know where we are at and I am sure you all are going, good grief woman....this has turned into a book!  Hee hee...thanks for your patience.

Our Lawyer filed all the appropriate paperwork and had it delivered to her address.  They then retained a Lawyer from another city and the paperwork started going back and forth.  She wanted my son to give up all rights in exchange for never having to pay child support.  We fired back that he wanted to support his daughter and that giving her up was not even an option.  This went on for several weeks.  As soon as our Lawyer would set a court date, they would do something else to stall.  We got lucky that they were both minors so our Lawyer filed it in juvenile court so that the Mother could not have any say-so in court.  Every time we approached our court date, they would do something.  They demanded a DNA test.  This was so ironic to me considering most of the time, it was the boy who wanted a DNA test to try to get out of it.  Here I had a son that was raising his hand and saying, “That’s my daughter”, and THEY wanted a DNA test.  Our Lawyer said it was just a stall tactic and they knew that the longer they could keep us waiting, they thought we might give up.  We didn’t.  We paid a huge fee on top of the Lawyer’s fees to do the DNA test.  They kept not showing up at their appointments to get her DNA with every excuse in the world.  After 4 months of this, they changed their mind and didn’t require the test any longer.  They requested records and all sorts of things and continued to stall everything.  A year went by and we were so desperate to get into court. 

My son in the meantime, put his College on hold because my Ex was not helping with this, so it was just he and I paying for everything.  Money was tight, but we were managing.  I still had two sons at home, a mortgage and all of this. My son was still working and helping with the Lawyer’s fees, but it was hard.  They kept sending all these ridiculous requirements.  She wanted my son to carry fifty thousand dollars of life insurance and make her the beneficiary.  She required he attend a 40 hour parenting class.  Of course, our Lawyer would send back that he would have life insurance that would include his daughter, not her and that he would attend the parenting class as long as she did!  If we wouldn’t have been so distraught wanting to see his daughter, it would have almost been funny.  My son in the meantime, came to me and wanted to know what I thought of him joining the Army.  He had decided he wanted to do this and also it would allow him to care for his daughter properly.  He could have her on his insurance, dental, etc. plus could make enough money to really support her.  We talked to the Lawyer and she told us she thought that was wonderful of him and all it would cause would be issues with how to see her during his Army career.  She assured us that a visitation schedule could still be worked out.  I was torn between wanting to be able to see her often and what my son was saying about being able to support her better.  He started talking to recruiters and getting details. 

Finally, in July (my granddaughter is now 15 months old) our Lawyer just flat out set a court date and told her Lawyer that if they didn’t show, the Judge could decide what to do with them.  Just to be precautionary, my son volunteered to take the parenting class and we had the certificate with us for court.  (Another expense we paid).

When court came, her Lawyer pulled our Lawyer aside and asked the Judge if we could have time in a room and he was positive we could work something out.  We were in that little room for two hours hammering out things.  They ended up agreeing to visitation because her own Lawyer told them that the Judge was going to grant it anyway.  I could not believe we had waited 15 months to spend 2 hours in a room and they ended up agreeing.  But we were excited and the Judge granted the visitation.  Also, I did not know this, but because SHE did not take him to court for child support, he wasn’t required to pay anything.  We had it put in the papers that he wanted to voluntarily pay $100 a month until he left for basic, then he would pay based on his salary.  I was amazed watching him become a man I could respect.

So now, we were going to get to see her in five days!!!!!! Our state has a phased in parenting program, so our first month of visits were only for two hours every Sunday.  We had moved out of town about 35 miles away because I received a job offer for more money and we needed it.  We did all the driving to see her.  We met them in a Walmart parking lot every Sunday to get her and went to a park.  I cannot tell you the joy of holding her for the first time and seeing my son with his daughter.  It was so amazing and she immediately came to us.  She was red-headed and blue eyed, just like my son.  We had to deal with her Mother giving us two pages of instructions every time we picked her up and glaring at us, but it was worth it.  We found out the first day we picked her up, that she had got married six months prior and even though I know appearances can be deceiving, when they showed up the first time, he got out with so many tattoos and piercings he could have been in the circus.  I have no idea of the history of how they met or who he was, but he would glare at my son the entire time. 

Every month we got longer visitation.  The next month was six hours on Sunday.  The next month was eight hours on Sunday.  Eventually, after 4 months, we finally got every other weekend.  She has been a joy in our lives.  My new husband thinks she hung the moon.  It was so fun watching my son change his first diaper and do the first feeding.  He took responsibility and wanted to do it all himself.  He did such a wonderful job with her and she had us all wrapped around her little finger.  Her mother would text my son every hour asking about her, and still continued to give us huge lists on how to take care of her.  She absolutely hated that we got to take her and made some ridiculous demands.  She told us we had to buy only name brand, high-dollar shoes and clothes.  She changed diaper brands on us 4 times.  She demanded we buy the kind of cups and straws she used.  I could go on and on but we would just grin, take the lists and go on with her.  She continuously tried to bait us into a fight.  We only had words one time.  And it actually turned out to be with her new hubby.  We picked her up on Friday and he wasn’t there.  We asked something about her birth certificate because in the papers, they were supposed to provide us with a copy of the birth certificate and they had not given it to us.  She said she would get it and we left.  On Sunday when we returned her, the new hubby was there and informed us we were not to ask any questions unless he was present.  Oh that went over real well with me.  I just looked at him and said, “Look, I was raised with a stepfather so it has nothing to do with you personally.  But you don’t have a horse in this race.  This is between my son, XXXXX and me since I am on the court documents as supervisor.  When you are here, we include you in any conversations out of respect and will continue to do so.  But if you are not here and we have a question, too bad.”  And then we got in the car and left.

My son’s recruiter called the first of November and said they had him a slot available in two weeks.  My son had scored high on their tests and qualified to become an EOD (Explosive Ordnance)  AKA – Bomb squad.  I was once again proud but scared to death.  We called the Lawyer and the way they had the papers written up was that my son would have his visitation until he left for training, and then we would go back to court once he got settled to set the schedule again.  So it was bittersweet.  It could be months before another slot became available and he still believed this would be a great way for him to provide for his Daughter.  It was so hard to tell her goodbye that last Sunday before he left knowing we wouldn’t see her again for months. 
So that is where we are at.  He voluntarily upped his child support to match his pay rate.  He has been paying it faithfully every month since November and she cashes the checks quickly.  He graduated from basic in February and is in his 9 month explosive training in another state now.  XXXX refuses to let us see her while he is gone and will not even give us pictures or updates.  So now, we are patiently waiting until he is done with training to go back to court.  Tennessee has a law regarding military that says if someone is full time active duty and stationed in another state, they can appoint an immediate relative to continue their visitation.  So that is what we are waiting for.  For him to finish and get leave to go back to court.  He is going to appoint me as “that” person so that some weekends, we can take her down to see him.  We both miss her so much!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Pooh

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Re: The story of my precious Granddaughter
« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2010, 12:10:46 PM »
Ok, end of my novel.  Creme I learned several things during the last few years of this.  Only a few states have "Grandparent" rights" and those come with rules.  You have to have an established relationship with the child.  So, like in our case where they were never married and they never would let us see her, how can you establish a relationship?  We have that now but could not fight for that in the beginning because we didn't.  So we had to purposefully wait until he went in the Army to be able to use the "Army law" to be appointed guardians.  It's crazy and very unfair to the grandparents.  Also, I know that most of the time, it is the boy or man that doesn't hold up his end.  But I have a son who wanted to and the laws and court system have made it very difficult for him to do it.  It's very sad that the bad apples have made it hard on the good ones.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Pen

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Re: The story of my precious Granddaughter
« Reply #7 on: May 20, 2010, 12:35:24 PM »
The best thing about all of the hard work you've all done here is that no matter what, when your GD is old enough she will know, in capital letters, that her daddy and grandma loved her enough to sacrifice so much on her behalf. It will mean everything to her.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline luise.volta

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Re: The story of my precious Granddaughter
« Reply #8 on: May 20, 2010, 12:46:25 PM »

What a story of integrity and intention. i also want to add that she (XXXX) has turned out to be very much like her mother and I think your son has made a narrow escape! Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Nana

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Re: The story of my precious Granddaughter
« Reply #9 on: May 20, 2010, 12:59:25 PM »
Quite a story.  I can sense strength and determination.  Wow!
I also think that despite all the problems you have encountered, one thing is for sure.  The mother of your son resulted much like her mother.  Thank God....things didnt work out for them and he will not have to be dealing with her or her mother.  My God...phew....

Everything will work out just fine for son and yourself.  N o doubt about it.   Congratulations for a  great young son you have.  Count your blessings.     A son in law anyone would die for. 
May God Bless you and Son
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

Offline Pooh

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Re: The story of my precious Granddaughter
« Reply #10 on: May 20, 2010, 01:35:35 PM »
Thank you all for the kind words.  It's been a long road and continues on.......

Now if Luise will just wave that magic wand she has and fix the issues with my older son and DIL, I would be set????  Come on Luise, be a sport....
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Nana

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Re: The story of my precious Granddaughter
« Reply #11 on: May 20, 2010, 01:47:47 PM »
Pooh

I just have one question.  I got lost somewhere.  We spoke about your youngest son and all the problems are around him.  What is the matter with older son?  Sorry I missed something.   iI assure you I have read all your post but something just skipped out. 

God Bless

 
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

Marilyn

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Re: The story of my precious Granddaughter
« Reply #12 on: May 20, 2010, 06:40:25 PM »
Pooh,what a nightmare to go thru.You have one awesome son!You are too!

I pray when your grand daughter gets old enough she will want to live with her dad.She would be so much better off out of that crazy mess.

I hope your problems with os can be worked out also,what ever they are.


Sending love and a hug

Hope

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Re: The story of my precious Granddaughter
« Reply #13 on: May 20, 2010, 08:20:00 PM »
Pooh,
How devastating to have to wait so long to get visitations.  Your son sounds like a remarkable man and a responsible, loving father.  How lucky your gd is to have a dad like him and a gm like you!  You have been through so much to get this far. I wish you all the best.  May truth and justice prevail!
Hugs, Hope

cremebrulee

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Re: The story of my precious Granddaughter
« Reply #14 on: May 21, 2010, 04:15:14 AM »
Ok, end of my novel.  Creme I learned several things during the last few years of this.  Only a few states have "Grandparent" rights" and those come with rules.  You have to have an established relationship with the child.  So, like in our case where they were never married and they never would let us see her, how can you establish a relationship?  We have that now but could not fight for that in the beginning because we didn't.  So we had to purposefully wait until he went in the Army to be able to use the "Army law" to be appointed guardians.  It's crazy and very unfair to the grandparents.  Also, I know that most of the time, it is the boy or man that doesn't hold up his end.  But I have a son who wanted to and the laws and court system have made it very difficult for him to do it.  It's very sad that the bad apples have made it hard on the good ones.

Pooh, you and your son are awesome people...and I congratulate you...you give a whole new meaning to the phrase, (if you want something bad enough, you must meet God Half Way)

I pray your son will be safe...believe me, I know what your going thru...my son is a police officer now for 13 years, in a very unsafe large city...he signed on with a contractor as a mentor between the Afghany police and our Military and has been over there for a year now, and signing on for another year...he is being reasigned from a very safe base in Southeastern Afghanistan, to a very small unprotected Afghany police compound and I'm frightened to (they target police compunds)...however, as your son, it is now they're life, they're choice...I just hope both our sons come home safe to their girls....

You are in a good place, I can feel it as I read you, and please don't ever feel embarrassed about writing your story, no matter how long it is....we're here to listen and give as much support as we can.

You should be very proud of your son, he is an awesome man, which speaks volumns for his mother...Good jobber, lady!   ;D

I hope and pray you and yours receive all the best happiness in the world....as far as your DIL and her mother,  ya have to wonder, don't you.  I also commend you for talking to your grand baby's step father the way you did....

one thing I'd like to add...I believe firmly due to our faith and my son, her husband, going over there to Afghanistan....we both (my DIL and I) realized, everything we were squabbling about, was nothing and so trivial, compared to my son's, her husband's life....and that is probably why we reconciled..plus, we have both matured, and realize, there is nothing in this world worth arguing about when it comes to the gift of life...life is way to short...I'm so so gretful to God, that my DIL can forgive me for not talking to her about this sooner...I admire her, and know, she loves my son dearly...I'm also very proud to know her...isn't it strange, how one can forget everything that happened in the past...and go forward...nothing she ever does again will bother me, I won't allow it...period... ;D  Knowing her is to valuable, to sweat the small stuff....yanno...

Because of you and your family, this world is a much better place, you all give me hope...thank you for sharing your story....big big hugs, Creme
« Last Edit: May 21, 2010, 04:21:38 AM by cremebrulee »