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Adult sister divides family

Started by licoricecat, March 05, 2013, 03:23:27 PM

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licoricecat

My older adult sister has been vindictive to me for years. She cannot be trusted and she continues to deliberately lie. She has done many things through the years even illegal. I purchased her son's truck and she refused to give me the Title. When I finally got the Title, there was a lien on it that she did not disclose and I had to pay.  My mother protected her so she refused to give me her address so I could bring her to court. I also could not get her ex-husbands address because she gave the Title to him.  y mother protected both of them. There was a lot of abuse growing up.

Now my mom died and left everything including her large double home to my successful older sister while me and my younger sister got nothing. My mother has helped her with extensive free babysitting and refused to watch my son. She also rented her apartment to her for free. Thousands of dollars in free rent and babysitting and also her adult children lived in my Mom's house for free for years. They were drug addicts and alcoholics. When my son needed a place and it was empty, my mom told him no. He only needed a place for 2 weeks before he graduated.

My older sister was given all my mom's assets and nothing to other 2 siblings. She was also the Health Care Proxy and totally took over my mother's care and refused Radiation and Chemo and any treatment for cancer. She was also trying to direct who can visit my mom during her final days. I was one person whom she did not want me to visit and was going to involve the Police to ban me.

My son lives in the house she inherited and lived with my mom towards the end of her days. My sister told me that I have 1 month to get my things out of her house. While in the process of getting them out I brought boxes over and she threatened to call the police while I was bringing them on porch.

At that threat, I decided to request an Order of Protection in Family Court for my protection. I got an Order of Protection, did not talk, email, or text her and asked for a Police Escort on the day she told my boyfriend that I could come over to get my things.

When I went there I was told by Police to wait at corner and I did this. When they arrived, I asked if they were my Police Escort and then they arrested me and would not tell me why till 3 hrs at the Police Station. The charges were Harassment. I do not know how I could be arrested for that when I did not call, text or email for about a week and did not harass anyone. The reports were fabricated and it was a false arrest. I filed a claim for this and it was dismissed. My sister has some pull with the police in this area and it is affecting my name. Even though the Order of Protection is expired, I am told that I can be arrested if I visit my son because of an expired Order of Protection.

My sister has also slandered me on Facebook, Myspace, to my 2 children and first and second cousins. I do not know how to correct this. She has been out of state for over 20 years and came to collect on my mothers death and ban me from seeing my mother on her deathbed. She also only had a cremation. No church, no viewing, no breakfast afterwards. My mom gave her everything and is still vindictive. The rich matriarchs in the family are very fooled by my sister and they direct the rest of the family. Most of the trouble has started with this sister and since she makes good money, she has the power to hurt people and hire good attorneys to get out of it.  I am on a fixed income and she had me arrested for just sitting in my car waiting for a friend to show up and a Police escort and help me move out my things from her newly inherited house.

My Police Escort arrested me as soon as he saw me. He told my sister and son to write a false report stating that I harassed them and threatened their lives. Now that the Orders are expired the Police are still telling me that I could never see my son again at this address and this is his home also. He has also put money and is now part owner. How do I have a relationship with my adult 22 yr old son when he lives upstairs from my sister and she has won him over? If he interacts with me she will kick him out of the house (moms house). The Police said they would arrest me even though Order is expired. They stated you are trespassing if you knock or ring someone's bell. I do not believe this is the law otherwise when anybody knocks on our door, they could be arrested. How do I communicate if I cannot use phone, letters, emails or texts? This needs to be corrected. My sister has been vindictive all her life towards me. I have tried talking, being nice, forgiving her. She refuses to accept any of my calls, emails, texts, ......She wants $ from me and wants my kids to turn on me and they have. She has a lot of money so others look up to her, even the Police. I am disabled and low income so my kids don't respect me. Help?

fangle

Hello,
What a mess.  I have no idea about the ins and outs of legal issues so I would not dare comment, but might I suggest that you do something nice for yourself.  Anything.  It doesn't have to cost money, it could just be massaging some hand cream into your hands.  It sounds to me as though a few minutes of luxury and kindness to yourself are more than well deserved.  I wish you all the very best.  Good Luck! xo

Keys Girl

Licoricecat, here's my take.

Your sister is carrying on your mother's dirty work.  It doesn't matter what your mother or sister have done in the past.  Forget it. The past is over.  The pattern is clear.  Not a pretty one, but it sounds like one that is prevalent in families where addiction is a big factor.

If your children don't respect you then that is profoundly sad, but a very good reason to not keep in touch with any of the lot.  Unfortunately the $$$ factor is very appealing to young people. 

If your son wants to visit you, he can make the effort.  They pave every highway in both directions, but if you've been doing all the "driving", in his direction, it's probably time to let someone else make the effort.

Get out of the sister's swamp. 

Move if you can and don't give anyone the info.  If you can't but up a lot of barriers to protect your privacy.  Get off Facebook, don't worry about what she's written there, stay away from the Police.  Screen phone calls, and send them to voice mail.  Return the ones that you want to.  Make every effort to keep the specific details of your life totally private.

Do what you can for yourself and live a quiet peaceful life.  Don't let anyone into your life unless they deserve to be in it, by virtue of them treating you with courtesy and respect.

Good luck,
KG
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Pen

I agree with Keys. Get away from them STAT.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

Hello again, LC - I agree with all of the above. Make your life about you. That's where your power lies. The quick sand that is holding you and taking you down isn't about you...it's about others. Cut them loose. We can deeply love people we can't interact with or even begin to understand from a great distance. It's loving ourselves that makes life worth living for most of us, it seems to me. You deserve the best. Start giving it to yourself. Yes, move if you can, get out of the FB swamp...be your own advocate and keep sharing the boundaries you are establishing and maintaining with us. It's often hard work but so is feeling helpless and at the effect of others. We will be here to rejoice with you at your progress. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

herbalescapes

I'm not sure I can get all the details straight, but it certainly seems like you have a lot on your plate.  If you can afford it, it might be worthwhile to get legal advice on what you can and cannot do in risking arrest.  It seems like you are in the midst of a 2d and 3d generation of family dysfunction.  I think you need to focus on what you need and not be concerned about the rest of your family.  Your sister can't alienate you from other family members without those family members' cooperation.  If relatives - your own children, siblings, cousins, etc. - can't value you like you should be, they don't deserve your time and energy.  Good luck in finding peace in the situation.