Author Topic: Reporting in On Val  (Read 4962 times)

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Offline luise.volta

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Reporting in On Val
« on: May 11, 2010, 10:00:39 AM »
Hi Beloved WWUers,

Here is an update on my experience of having my beloved husband, Val, age 98, admitted to our nursing facility on March 31st.

Initially, it was like a divorce (of which I have had considerable experience) and my heart felt like I would never recover. But time heals and I now know that "Care Giver Syndrome" is something that deserves a lot of respect.

Val is happy and content. He likes his room and his room mate, the food, and the staff. I visit twice a day, once taking over his little Chihuahua, "Me, Too" and once to walk the halls with him to support his continued mobility.

I am allowed to do little things for him like hydration, hearing aid and dental bridge maintenance...etc. so I still feel like I am contributing to his well being. And little, by little, I am accepting this as "what is" and creating a continued relationship that is meaningful to both of us.

While I was in transition, I put his picture up by my name so you could visualize him and today I've changed it back to my picture. I deeply appreciate your interest, prayers and incantations, "atta girl" posts and intentions. Bless your hearts one and all for helping me over this latest bump in the road of life.

Sending love,

Luise
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

cremebrulee

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Re: Reporting in On Val
« Reply #1 on: May 11, 2010, 10:14:13 AM »
Hi Beloved WWUers,

Here is an update on my experience of having my beloved husband, Val, age 98, admitted to our nursing facility on March 31st.

Initially, it was like a divorce (of which I have had considerable experience) and my heart felt like I would never recover. But time heals and I now know that "Care Giver Syndrome" is something that deserves a lot of respect.

Val is happy and content. He likes his room and his room mate, the food, and the staff. I visit twice a day, once taking over his little Chihuahua, "Me, Too" and once to walk the halls with him to support his continued mobility.

I am allowed to do little things for him like hydration, hearing aid and dental bridge maintenance...etc. so I still feel like I am contributing to his well being. And little, by little, I am accepting this as "what is" and creating a continued relationship that is meaningful to both of us.

While I was in transition, I put his picture up by my name so you could visualize him and today I've changed it back to my picture. I deeply appreciate your interest, prayers and incantations, "atta girl" posts and intentions. Bless your hearts one and all for helping me over this latest bump in the road of life.

Sending love,

Luise

Luise, hello and thank y ou for the update....I'm glad to hear you are somewhat more relaxed about this....I know it's hard, b/c I saw my mother go thru it...however, I think you do know, your doing what is best for Val....and that is what is important....

I'm so glad you shared this with us...thank you

Creme

Marilyn

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Re: Reporting in On Val
« Reply #2 on: May 11, 2010, 11:06:30 AM »
Thank you also Luise, for sharing that with us.

I'm glad your transition is getting easier,and you are accepting "what is"

I just love the relationship you and Val have,it always touches my heart!

I hope your ankle is getting better also.

Sending you a hug

Sassy

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Re: Reporting in On Val
« Reply #3 on: May 11, 2010, 11:58:24 AM »
The love between you two warms my heart.   To witness your process of accepting and adjusting to life and love's change is inspiring.

You've always spoken of the miracles of love.  That you speak this from your experience is true wisdom.  Love, love, love.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Reporting in On Val
« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2010, 12:24:57 PM »
Thank you one and all. What a marvelous community we have!
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Hope

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Re: Reporting in On Val
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2010, 01:10:21 PM »
Luise,
Thanks for the update.  Good for you for making the best of a difficult situation!  Val still gets your special attention and you still get to feel that bond with him while showing him your true love.  There is a sense of satisfaction in caring for those we love, isn't there?  I appreciate your great example for us to learn from........... what a treasure. 
Love you!  Hope

kathleen

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Re: Reporting in On Val
« Reply #6 on: May 15, 2010, 02:18:57 PM »
Luise,

After you have helped so many of us over the "bumps in the road of life," how could we not respond?

You are a true role model in so many ways, wise and comforting, but never more so than in regard to your
treatment of Val.  Both of you are so lucky to have each other.

Age 98!!!  How absolutely wonderful!  There is a couple down the road from us who walk hand in hand each day; he is 94.  God truly gives us a
gift with such of the beautiful elderly.  I am sorry Val does not live with you any longer, but feel your happiness to still have him with you. 

Sending good karma,

Kathleen

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Reporting in On Val
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2010, 08:03:26 PM »
I feel the love and thank you all so much! We take a walk in the hall every day...holding hands, too !
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pooh

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Re: Reporting in On Val
« Reply #8 on: May 26, 2010, 06:20:27 AM »
Luise, you precious world of wisdom and grace, how is Val doing?
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

kathleen

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Re: Reporting in On Val
« Reply #9 on: May 26, 2010, 07:18:36 AM »
Luise,

Good for Val and you to be making a positive transition out of one that could be negative.  He is still with you on this planet and that's what counts most, don't you think?  You are both fortunate to have each other.

One thing I want to say having watched others in the caretaker role is to take very good care of yourself.  It's easy to get emotionally and physically exhausted.  I am sure you know this, but just wanted to reaffirm it. 

Lots of baskets of flowers to Val and you, including spring shasta daisies from my garden now growing in a massive border along the back of our yard,

Kathleen

cremebrulee

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Re: Reporting in On Val
« Reply #10 on: May 26, 2010, 08:01:54 AM »
you've got my flowers, hugs, love and well wishes to...
it's so comforting to see a couple as yourselves...
God bless you both!!!  And thank you for sharing your life with us

Hope

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Re: Reporting in On Val
« Reply #11 on: May 26, 2010, 07:37:08 PM »
Much love to you and Val!  You give so much of yourself to all of us.  We really appreciate you, Luise!
Hugs to you both, Hope

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Reporting in On Val
« Reply #12 on: May 26, 2010, 07:58:44 PM »
Thanks so much for your lovely and supportive posts. You have no idea how much they comfort me...

The hardest thing about the last eleven years of care giving has been my unacknowledged denial. I really thought I was being realistic about my limits. I could clearly see others going too far and burning themselves out; on duty 24/7...some even dying before their loved ones and some becoming a hollow shell, permanently...having gone way past recovery.

Yet someplace within me was a silent commitment to keep Val at home in familiar surroundings with his wife and dog...long after his level of awareness required or even valued that. After he was admitted, I tried to recreate and maintain some level of intimacy by having supper with him every night and when a lack of space in the nursing dining room dictated it was no longer possible for us to have our "table-for-two", I crashed again and it took me a while to see that it was meaningful to me...not Val. Again he's not aware enough for it to matter that much.

He likes my visits but doesn't relate to the time of day or whether it's my first visit or last. What we do doesn't seem relevant. I keep learning. It's not a learning "curve", it's seems perpendicular, to me.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pooh

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Re: Reporting in On Val
« Reply #13 on: May 27, 2010, 06:33:15 AM »
You are such a strong, caring, loving and thoughtful person Luise.  I only hope that if I ever get to the place you are at in life, that I can do everything that you do for people with such dignity and compassion. 

It seems as Mothers, Wives, Daughters, and Friends, we will push ourselves to the very edge for the people we love even if it means sacraficing our own time, money and health.  And we are usually the last to see what we are doing to ourselves. Some people may say that makes us stupid and blind, I say that makes us compassionate and human. I am sorry your suppers didn't work out but glad you realized that it doesn't matter what you do with him, just visiting him is the important thing for both of you.

God bless you Luise and my thoughts and prayers go up daily for you both.  You are truly an angel.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Reporting in On Val
« Reply #14 on: May 27, 2010, 09:56:47 AM »
You are so kind. Actually, I think I have a little devil on one shoulder like Orly does. There is often dissension in the ranks.  ;D >:( ;D ;D >:(
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher