Author Topic: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?  (Read 5782 times)

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Offline woolovereyes

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Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« on: November 19, 2012, 02:29:47 PM »
Had relatively good relationship with son, till he married a la-di-da princess. They moved cross country without a penny to their name, and bad credit. I sold them a family home, that I inherited, CHEAP, ( at her insistance that the price keep being lowered, and I did to "help them out " )  The agreement was they were to live in it, and fix it up, and then "flip" it when the economy & housing market rebounded.  INSTEAD? They stayed briefly,  TURNED IT INTO A RENTAL , and moved about 1000 miles away.  I nursed both my elderly parents in that home, both of them passed in that home, I literally scrubbed blood off the floor in that home. (sorry ) ...they were supposed to FIX IT UP AND SELL IT.   The standard legal language in the sales, was, well... standard.   There is nothing saying they CAN'T make it a RENTAL, however  ?  THIS IS MY RETIREMENT $$/Inheritance.  As it stands now, I am technically "financing" their new lifestyle ( since they get the rental $$ )  I no longer see the Grandchild - who was 6 mos when they left and is now a yr old.  Personally? I have health problems ,and basically could qualify for food stamps,  I  could have used rent $$ myself, or sold it outright, myself.  Instead , it is now a rental with a balloon pmt- 30 yrs from now. ALL TO HELP THEM out, and they see nothing wrong with this. Supposedly "I am being the butch".. Go figure.        I even paid the 1800 in closing costs - cause they had no $$.  "O" percent interest too...  sure had the wool pulled over my eyes.  NO IDEA what I ever did to get such an ungrateful child. All I can do is pray KARMA gets both of them..  anyone ever be as stupid as me and FINANCE the departure of G Child #1, and pay for their new lifestyle, all while basically doing without all to "help them" DUH.. SMH just call me stupid... OH? and they don't think they did anything wrong.  Sheesh.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2012, 03:12:20 PM »
WOE - I wish I had something positive to offer. This seems to be about honor where there is none. I'm so sorry. Sending both a welcome and love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pen

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Re: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2012, 03:50:51 PM »
Welcome, WOE. I'm sorry you're going through this. You erred on the side of love and family...and got totally taken. You are the one dealing with this and suffering the consequences, but they are the ones who acted dishonorably and unethically.

Your understandable reaction to the injustice, as well as your pain & anger, will eat you up if you let it. In time you'll get tired of it and let it go, but right now it's probably too fresh and raw. Try to find a way to work towards healing for yourself. Please keep reading & posting.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline froggy

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Re: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2012, 03:54:04 PM »
I really feel for you! 

My son and DIL owe me thousands too.  There isn't much we can do.  But letting the anger and resentment eat us up isn't a good idea.  I haven't got a clue how to prevent the anger bubbling up (or the hurt) but I really like your idea of karma  ;) 

Stay strong.  Love and hugs to you  xx




Offline Pen

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Re: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2012, 04:01:44 PM »
Keep reading here. What works for some doesn't work for all, necessarily, but there are a lot of good ideas about how to move past the anger and sorrow towards real healing.

There are days when I take a step backward but I try to limit the wallowing time because it's so boring & I'm not getting any younger; time is precious these days. When I feel frustrated or the pain threatens to resurface, I come here to read and post or I go work out, hike, etc. You'll figure out what works for you.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline woolovereyes

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Re: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2012, 06:05:51 AM »
Well, if nothing else, the property I live on now has NO mortgage, and I was smart enough to get life insurance BEFORE my illness, so as long as I dont miss any premiums I can't get cancelled. That being said? They are not ever getting another penny. It will ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL go to the dutiful daughter I have and her husband.       Unfortunately tho, I don't think they care, since they are rakin in about 1K a month in rent, while I have about 200 bucks to last until the end of this month, and the gas JUST ran out for the hot water.    Mean as it sounds? I hope she divorces him sometime in the future, takes him for EVERY PENNY of child support she can get, never lets HIM see HIS kid either ( let him see how it feels ) and when he come grovelin back , I get the satisfaction of kickin him to the curb - as he has done me..    >:(  Yeah, yeah.. Im workin on that Anger Mgmt thing.. Lol... still have a way to go I think  ;)

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« Reply #6 on: November 20, 2012, 09:27:52 AM »
Anger is a strange thing, it seems to me. If we are to remain healthy and balanced it has to be be expressed. On the other side of the coin…our anger only hurts us, not those we are angry at. What has worked for me is to keep moving through it and not get stuck there. I have, on more occasions than I'd like to admit…lingered too long in being right. There is simply no joy there for me. Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline woolovereyes

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Re: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« Reply #7 on: November 20, 2012, 04:16:43 PM »
I have "self analyzed" this to death. I think the biggest anger problem I have with this, is HOW is this kid even mine?  I did not Raise him to be dishonorable, he has more than hurt me, and its not even so much the $$ - although admittedly I SURELY could use it. It's the point that I no longer trust him, period. Nothing he says, or does..   He has created an enormous amount of self -doubt in me, wondering How could he do this to me- when everything I did was for him, I believed every word he said about "fixing the house up nice" and staying around until the Grandchild at the very least had to start school. And if I am truly that bad a judge of Character? Why even BOTHER " repairing" this relationship at all. I certainly do not "hang out" with liars, and thieves, and as far as Im concerned his actions warrant that title.  And WHY would one WANT to subject themselves to more possible abuse?  Frankly , I see no way to repair this, my only pondering question is HOW did a sweet loving son I raised - turn into such a rat... That? I guess I will never figure out. He was certainly not like this prior to "princess".   Therein, I think lies the problem.     Oh well....

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« Reply #8 on: November 20, 2012, 05:52:41 PM »
We can't make sense of the senseless. We can give them our best and launch them…then the the ball is in their court. I used to be a probation officer at the Juvenile Court. I saw marvelous kids with terrible parents…and terrible kids with marvelous parents. There are a lot of other factors that come into play. Peers influence, DNA influences, role models influence…social and economic conditions influence...the media influences…the list goes on and on. In the end, they choose. Peace came for me when I let go of asking "why" and got "it is." Each one of us gets through this in our own way. What does work for many of us is getting we aren't alone, and beyond that, it's not us. We didn't do it.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline woolovereyes

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Re: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« Reply #9 on: November 21, 2012, 10:01:34 AM »
So true.. thanks.

Offline Lillycache

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Re: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« Reply #10 on: November 21, 2012, 10:37:14 AM »
I contend that there is absolutley no pain like being betrayed and devalued by family.  After all, most of us grew up thinking that family would always be there and have our backs.  Family is supposed to stand by you and help you through bad times.  Family is supposed to look out for other family members.   Right? Not cheat them or take advantage of them.    Sadly,  many times this is not the case.  I was betrayed and cut off by family members immediately after being widowed suddenly, and it was all over money.   It really hurt for a long long time..  It made me question my own worth if not even my own family could love me and support me.   Well, that was over 10 years ago.   It was a long hard road, but I'm over the pain.  I still feel sadness that things were not as I had hoped them to be, but no more pain.   I think the experience made me stronger in that it forced me to take a good look at myself.  Not only to make some necessary changes, but to love and value MYSELF.. It took years of soul searching to finally accept that what was done to me was not a reflection on me or my worth, but on the values and morals of the others.   Welcome woolovereyes...   The wool has been pulled back and you can start seeing clearly now.

Offline woolovereyes

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Re: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« Reply #11 on: November 21, 2012, 11:30:20 AM »
Now that is SOOO appropriate! Thanks.  Still it's just sad all in all. I miss the sweet child I raised. Guess he's gone forever tho, still I really did think I did a WAY better job than that.  That's sorta hard to get over.

Offline Lillycache

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Re: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« Reply #12 on: November 21, 2012, 11:54:32 AM »
Now that is SOOO appropriate! Thanks.  Still it's just sad all in all. I miss the sweet child I raised. Guess he's gone forever tho, still I really did think I did a WAY better job than that.  That's sorta hard to get over.

I absolutely agree.... it's so much worse when it's a child that has hurt and betrayed us.  In my case it was my brother, father and uncle.  Pretty much the only family I had left except for my two sons.  Then DIL tried to take away one..  but that's a whole other story.

Offline Grammie

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Re: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« Reply #13 on: November 23, 2012, 07:55:44 AM »
Right there with you.  Mine wasn't an entire house but a downpayment on one and a college education paid in full.  Good thing I scoffed at his suggestion to "Gift" him an inheritance to avoid estate taxes. 
Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.   
 ~ Denis Waitley ~

Offline woolovereyes

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Re: Totally ripped off and kicked to the curb , Suggestions anyone?
« Reply #14 on: November 23, 2012, 05:09:47 PM »
 ;D  Nice !   I actually was thinking since I won't ever see the $$ anyway.. of "gifting" it to him/"forgiving" the mortgage $ that I will never see anyway, and filing a 1099S on him.   If I can't get the $ , at least he & "princess" will have to cough up a HUGE amount of money just to pay the gift tax. Let them see how it feels to be BROKE. lol