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Where has my DD gone ?

Started by artlady, June 18, 2012, 06:01:41 AM

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Doe

lol! 
The picture I went to sleep with last night:  I've spent the 20 yrs  in a roomy mini van, plenty big to hold the people and chaos that a family brings, now it's empty!  I guess my choices are to fill it up with other people/things or to downsize into a little convertible coupe!  I always wanted an MGB...

artlady

Doe make it red, swing through NC and we will have a bad hair day with the top down on a fast ride   lol. Our Ac might be proud of their old bag mother's   for a change   lol

lancaster lady

hi Arty ,

How is your SIL at the moment ? hope he is recovering .
Saying that , I can understand your DD , with a sick husband and a small baby , why
she can't get herself organised and out of the door to visit .
The fact that she texts and emails daily , tells me she loves you muchly , and wants you
in her life ....she just doesn't have the time to visit .

If she could wave a magic wand and fly to you , she would . To load a car and drive is another
matter .
I don't think there is anything sinister going on , just a disorganised new Mom .    :)

luise.volta

Looking at the title of this thread..this is your DD. Her next step may be to stop the texting and calls. She is finding the new DD. I can only speak from my own past...but/and some of the most difficult and permanently transformative experiences (not ah-has) in my life have come when I was without support and had to wing it. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

artlady

LL  , he is still in pain , getting blood work done every week and has to wait till Oct to see specialist at Duke. So it is all still a mystery. Yes this very very organized person is just the opposite now but that is understandable with a new baby of just 5 months and now in the last 3 weeks a sick husband. He has been back at work now for 2 weeks but i think at night he feels pain so he isn't sleeping as well. I understand all of what you are saying , I guess it is this gut feeling nagging at me that there is just something I can't explain or put my finger on that has me concerned. Sometimes those gut feelings lead you to the answer , just takes a while . Oh I know getting a schedule etc is tough , but learning to be flexible with a new baby is even tougher , so it is a very hard balancing act for a long time , so all i can say is welcome to parenting   lol. I'm a worrier , can you tell ?  LOL I 've done so much better, I've decided a while back nothing I can do , it is not in my hands so I say my little pray every night and hope for the best for them. Yes Luise  i agree with all her contact every day I just don't feel like I'm set free. I had to learn the hard way from the first marriage , upon his death to be faced at 32 with his huge bankruptcy, his other women and a child from one after my DD was born. he was a pilot and had time on his hands all over , so being a womanizer he took advantage of it , could be a movie , as he had other lives in other places. My family let me learn a valuable lesson knowing i didn't cause the bankruptcy, although he was using all my inheritance and land etc , so there was no rescue it was just me .  So i do know that there are always lessons to be learned no matter how old you are . If she would just contact me less , I'd heal better i think then keeping me hanging on , that is why if she was not so isolated from her friends now i think she would not contact me so many times a day , that is what is hard . That is why I just wonder what is going on ?

luise.volta

I don't know how you might go about it, but you could end the contact by letting her know that's your choice. You are keeping the door open. My son did it to me in the most graceful way I have ever experienced. He wrote something like, "I'm reading your emails, (texts), Mom, and I tracking." That was it. I got it and I stopped dumping on him and I no longer use him as my back up. I'm learning to back myself up. It wasn't easy...and it was sometimes painful...but/and it's growth. I still email and share but I no longer create his being a participator in my drama...(whic hnever looks like drama to me at the time, of course. LOL!) Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

I did too Luise.  When Mom stepped back and just said, "You made your bed, now figure out to not only lie in it, but make it everyday."

I do think AL's DD is sending such mixed signals, it's no wonder it's confusing.  You can't on one hand by your actions say step away, but yet still call and text daily with problems/issues.  It would send mixed messages to anyone and leave them torn.

I am probably....ok, who am I kidding....I am very big on politeness and kindness.  Guess that's a problem with my expectations.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

artlady

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO POOH   thanks , so true. I feel this old lady of 60 has a hard enough time   lol. I do think it is mixed messages , i feel pushed out and pulled in , so my feelings go all over the place . I was doing so good I had really made progress was not letting it get to me , I had not even been on here for a long time with my situation only to post to others but then all of a sudden in the last few weeks he gets sick. I can't be rude to him no matter what he has done or how badly he has hurt my feelings . Now DH is not there , he is still holding his ground . Just when I thought i had this thing undercontrol the darn bottom drops out . So yes i do get very mixed messages , that is why i think if she still had contact with those friends I might be off the hook a bit . I stay confused by it all but hey if you asked my DH , he would just say that is normal for me LOl ( he is a big jokester )

Pooh

I figured out the other day that sane people scare me.  :) 

I think you are right about if she had a couple of best friends to confide in still, she probably wouldn't vent to you so much about her personal life.  Sounds like she knows that you are her rock and feels comfortable telling you everything.  What a dilemma.  We want to remain close, but not intrusive.  We want to be there for them, but then we know too much.  We want to listen to them, and that's hard to have a good relationship based on honesty, trust and value each other but then tell them, "You can talk about the weather but not about your marriage."  Bah.....I say we just drink wine and eat chocolate!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

lancaster lady

I do miss the wine , meds won't allow it , so I eat double the chocolate ..... :o

luise.volta

Perfect solution, LL. As for me, I think the only cure is scones made with clotted cream!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

artlady

Yes now wine and chocolate sound very good to me and I"m getting ready to go to the gym when as I read this    lol. 

Pooh

My meds don't allow it either...but it sure makes them more interesting!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

My meds don't give a rip but my scales scream and holler! Just the chocolate. Wine has always been a tiny step from vinegar to me. (I got no class!LOL!)   
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

artlady

skip the meds one day.   luise try a cold beer or even a mixed drink with your chocolate   lol