Author Topic: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!  (Read 14204 times)

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Offline Elise

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #30 on: June 27, 2012, 09:55:31 PM »
Only went on Facebook one time at DS's request to look at some photos he wanted me to see a few years ago, using his password given to me to enter. Saw an ' indiscreet' photo there he said he didn't know he had posted with the others.  He took it down when I told him about it. After that I figured I didn't need an account. A friend of mine has kids who give her access to their kids of her friends FB accounts and she told me a few things about them she had no reason to know, in the natue of gossip. I let her know I didn't think that was very nice and she has never mentioned any of it again. Now I figure they do that with my DS as well and maybe DIL as well and it doesn't bother me - I don't need to know or control her, them.  I seem to have no need to know what isn't brought to me directly, thank heaven. And really, who would possibly care when I washed my hair? I understand some find FB very useful in a variety of ways, just have not felt any need myself to go there and after reading so many problems and hurt feelings caused by FB useage, I figure this is an easy one for me to pass on. I don't need to go looking for trouble, it seems to find me all on its own. lol Maybe I don't see some photos or info many others know, yet I don't miss what I don't know about.

Offline lancaster lady

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #31 on: June 28, 2012, 12:59:14 AM »
My DIL used FB on a daily basis , all major events in her life were posted . Her wedding date for one , that's how I found out when my DS was getting married ! Also my gd was rushed to hospital with a gastric problem , good job I read it , otherwise I wouldnt have known . Surely having time to type messages takes longer than a phone call ? I don't want to know her every move , why.would I , but important news involving my family perhaps common courtesy  warrants a phone call ?  When I mentioned this , I was told thats how I keep people informed about things . Guess I was silly thinking I was more than 'people ' .

jill1963

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #32 on: June 28, 2012, 05:07:16 AM »
Lancaster Lady,

thats horrible, yes i think if my DD did that to me i would not be happy, general things on FB but not personal family issues, i think that should be done face to face or at the very least a phone call.
Saying that my DD has put things on FB ( nothing as serious as yours) when i have thought well you could of mentioned it before announcing it on FB and when i have tackled  her about it the response was it is easier saying on FB as it saves numerous phone calls :-\
I do think we get relegated from being parents and DM or DF's to 'people' when AC get a partner.  Not that i expect as much a role in my AC's lives just a more caring and thoughtful aspect than we get.

Jill X

Offline Lillycache

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #33 on: June 28, 2012, 05:44:58 AM »
My DIL used FB on a daily basis , all major events in her life were posted . Her wedding date for one , that's how I found out when my DS was getting married ! Also my gd was rushed to hospital with a gastric problem , good job I read it , otherwise I wouldnt have known . Surely having time to type messages takes longer than a phone call ? I don't want to know her every move , why.would I , but important news involving my family perhaps common courtesy  warrants a phone call ?  When I mentioned this , I was told thats how I keep people informed about things . Guess I was silly thinking I was more than 'people ' .

That was my feeling when I sent a friend request to DIL...  (biggest mistake I've made in a long time)  It started WWIII.   My intent was to be kept in the loop and get to see pics of the GKs.   She felt that I was going to spy on her.  Her exact words... " If YOU see all the things I do with my FOO and not you.... you would be having a FIT all the time"    Funny, I've never in 12 years ever asked or questioned or cared what she did with her FOO or anyone else..  So I never was any more than just "people" or an unpleasant acquaintance to her. Funny... I thought I was family.   Cuz ya know.. when a man an woman marry they become ONE... yada yada yada...   

Offline Begonia

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #34 on: June 28, 2012, 06:00:50 AM »
As I've mentioned on another thread, I deleted my FB account and do not miss it one bit.  Now I am not tempted to peek at what my AC are doing and be disappointed that I didn't know. And if they want to know what I'm doing they can email, text or call me.  Besides,  it's a time waster too, so deleting my account is just one way to make my life simpler.  It really is hurtful when someone didn't respond to my friend request and even more uncomfortable when I was not going to be friends with my X SIL, etc.  Nice not to have any of that anymore.
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Offline luise.volta

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #35 on: June 28, 2012, 09:48:56 AM »
I've tried numerous times to be interested in FB. And I have shared there with my family, extended family and friends that are spread all over the globe; great granddaughter in Paris, grandson in Canada, son in Hawaii, etc. Kirk has posted news there about me and even YouTube videos of me recieving those Bank Of America and Foss Foundation awards for my Webwork. I have to admit that by not checking FB regularly, I have missed some epic things in my family, like my ex-DIL's cancer, so every once in a while I try again. (Everyone assumed I knew about her because it was on FB.) But…so much of it seems like a stream of consciousness (or lack thereo,) that I again put off trying to wade through it. Data about everything mundane, yes, even "I just washed my hair." Give me a break! It doesn't save time for me, it wastes it. And since I moved over to an iMac and a new digital camera, I find I am still inept at both so downloading my pictures isn't an option. My bad, I know. I feel so antiquated to prefer email to FB…just like I prefer Voicemail to texting. I'm kind of a very-up-to-date-dinosaur.  :( Up to date because where I live very few seniors even have computers and most of those who do can't figure out how to turn them on. :-) FB confuses me, as well, because each generation seems to have differrent concepts of what is personal and even ethical. Too big a gap at age 85.
« Last Edit: June 29, 2012, 05:42:03 AM by luise.volta »
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pen

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #36 on: June 28, 2012, 07:03:58 PM »
I'd love to be able to keep up with old friends, family doings, etc. on FB, but I dare not. I agree w/Luise, there's a different kind of etiquette there that I'm not up on. It could be a great tool, but I will wait until it's right for me.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Ruth

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #37 on: June 29, 2012, 04:45:49 AM »
It doesn't save time for me, it wastes it. And since I moved over to an iMac and a new digital camera, I find I am still inept at both so downloading my pictures isn't an option. My bad, of know. I feel so antiquated to prefer email to FB…just like I prefer Voicemail to texting. I'm kind of a very-up-to-date-dinosaur.  :( Up to date because where I live very few seniors even have computers and most of those who do can't figure out how to turn them on. :-) FB confuses me, as well, because each generation seems to have differrent concepts of what is personal and even ethical. Too big a gap at age 85.

I thought this was an excellent observation Luise and so well stated.  Maybe its just me, but I had a brief fb account, and it felt like an old deja vu romp into high school gym class.  Started out fun, all those pictures and contacts and I initially felt 'connected' but then something kicked in that felt like 'choosing up sides for softball'.  I was often the last one chosen because I was lousy in softball, and only contributed vastly to my low self esteem and shyness, and I felt the same way with f/b..  It just seemed to me largely to be a counterfeit 'Emperor's New Clothes' kind of friends and family, always doing the one up thing, a cruel and pointless chess game of sorts.  Anyway, I was fortunate enough to come to my senses early on and get away from that.  But  my younger g/s who is the sensitive shy one has been hurt by this, feeling left out and extremely hurt and rejected when 'unfriended' by some nincompoop.  Like you, Luise, I love real human contacts, and I do think letter writing has a lot of integrity and meaning, in all cultures and timelines.  We are often more who we really are when we take the time to write it down.  But I think when its written down for anything other than genuine communication with another person it can become terribly warped.  Does this make any sense???  p.s. Luise, by the way I also hate voicemail, I feel so fake on there and I have never texted (I still can't accept this absurd word) in my life.  I also loathe talking on the phone, almost physically painful, I wonder what this signifies and is anyone else like this?

Offline luise.volta

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #38 on: June 29, 2012, 06:11:04 AM »
R - It may be that we each define communication in our own way. To me it is about authentic connection and we probably all have varying degrees of that, truth be known. I use the phone superficially, for business, but personally it often feels like we never 'reached' each other beyond the superficial. The phone has just never been my medium although I have had many meaningful phone conversations. I feel it is often interruptive on the end of the person who receives the call and there is no visual. Voicemail seems handy for business, as well, like a reminder of an appointment. Give me Skype and I am even more uncomfortable. I love to sit quietly with another person and pass on superficiality in favor of listening well and sharing honestly. Snail-mail is something I don't miss because of the time factor. We ask something or recount something and it is usually over a week before a response is forthcoming. My love is email and forum posting…but not live chats. I like to think about what I have written and then hear back relatively soon. If it weren't for email, WWU and www.MyFitnessPal.com, I can't even begin to imagine how different my experience of living alone in a retirement center at age 85 would be. Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Footloose

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #39 on: July 05, 2012, 04:03:44 PM »
Wiasw Women,  i agree on your FB comments as u have seen in my past theads.

FB is the most sophisticated way to become a voyeur and to also be ignored.  I am off FB and am on my 12 step program to just say no to FB! 

 ::)