Author Topic: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!  (Read 14202 times)

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Offline luise.volta

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #15 on: June 12, 2012, 12:46:35 PM »
I make myself go to FB every once in a while to see if anything is happening that I should know about. Nope…just prattle, dumb games, useless information and more prattle. It's almost "I got up this morning and had a glass of water." LOL!
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline luise.volta

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #16 on: June 12, 2012, 12:48:21 PM »
:D :D :D
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pooh

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #17 on: June 12, 2012, 01:30:18 PM »
My status today reads:  "I want to change the contacts in my phone over to famous people's names so I can hear it go "Dolly Parton is calling, Queen Elizabeth is calling..."  I think it will mess with people at Walmart.

:)
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline luise.volta

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #18 on: June 12, 2012, 02:05:52 PM »
:D You're a hoot!  :D
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Ruth

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #19 on: June 12, 2012, 02:10:44 PM »
Jill, I am so sorry you're feeling sad.  Great advice has been given across the board here, personally I quit FB a long long time ago, and even then I only participated a few weeks until I said to myself, Whoa!  I have enough pain and risk in my life without getting involved with this drivel, so I shut it down.  But still, you are feeling sad because something you looked forward to and which meant a great deal to you has fallen through, and even worse, you feel again muzzled from asking a sane and normal question from what should be the one you could trust most to voice your feelings to.  I was reading an article today, entitled Cognitive Dissonance, which is , according to psychology, the 'internal tension that results when our experience doesn't match our professed beliefs and values'.  And I thought, yes, this is where I live.  Everything in our psyche tells us that we love our children, we raise them the best we can, we are there for them, and they love us?...well, no, we aren't even sure, and we aren't even free to ask.  It is no wonder many of us have ended up mentally ill, and drained dry, by this going on in our lives for years on end, and usually bleeding over into other and sundry areas of our lives, causing more 'Cognitive Dissonance'.  Well, Jill, I find myself only one remedy for being enveloped in that feeling you have right now, and that is I just try and get out and do something to help somebody else out, whether its scrubbing my Mom's kitchen floor, or writing a nice letter to a friend, or something that is just an act of kindness.  It just helps me get the monkey off my back.  All of us have been where you are.  Don't look into things (FB, etc) that have the potential to cause more pain than gain.  Shut the door, and look for open doors that will bring more fullness and happiness into your life.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #20 on: June 12, 2012, 04:18:27 PM »
I always thought Cognitive Dissonance was making something up and then creating the rationale for it after the fact. Oops!
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Footloose

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #21 on: June 13, 2012, 06:38:19 AM »
Great input, Ruth!  So what is the cure for Cognitive Dissonance?! Electric shock, prefrontal lobotomy?! I got it bad, girl!  LOL!  Can I get a head transplant?

i kno,m I kno, it is exactly what you and the other kind women here have advised.  Change YOUR mind, change YOUR attitude,  REPLACE THE LOSS.....I'm catching on but my stubbornness makes it harder?

Fake it till ya make it?! 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #22 on: June 13, 2012, 06:44:37 AM »
Be stubbornly in favor of yourself! :-)
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pooh

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #23 on: June 13, 2012, 06:53:25 AM »
Oooh good answer Luise.  I hear ya Footloose.  I'm a cut your nose off to spite your face person.   

I did figure out something last night about myself.  A year ago, when someone like a stranger or just an acquaintance would do something nice for me, I would find myself going, "It's a shame that a perfect stranger will treat me nice but my own Son and DIL don't....blah blah blah".  Instead of appreciating the stranger's act, it would make me mad about all the unfairness.  Last night, FDIL was automatically carrying in grocerices, putting them away while I started dinner, asking to help, etc. and instead of it bringing about feelings of resentment because THOSE people should be nicer, I hugged her and told her that I appreciated her being the person she was.  She just kind of gave me a grin that was priceless.  I was smiling, laughing and only thinking how lucky I was to have such a wonderful person in my life and how blessed my YS was to have found such a special creature.

Later, when it hit me that I was just enjoying the person she was, I realized there were no feelings of resentment towards the other Son/DIL any longer.  I truly have reached the place of "their loss" and it didn't hurt.  So I can honestly say, in my case, it all was within me to fix the entire time.  It's my attitude and outlook that has changed because they haven't and probably never will.  It felt really good.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Footloose

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #24 on: June 13, 2012, 07:40:25 AM »
Pooh,  I cannot tell you how much it pleases me that you are getting what you truly deserve in your new found love and the respect to and from this gentle, young woman!  It is about time! I feel your warmth and kindness with each post and this is such great news!

Be careful bout cutting off the nose.  How the heck would u wear glasses?!  LOL!

How u describe the kindness and love from strangers is just what we have here in our little family of moms!  Louise, do you even know how much this site has helped so many? 

Just think of the savings in shrink fees, electro-shock therapy and medications!  LOL!!! Not to mention those who may not voice themselves here but by perusing stories, get enough courage and strength to try another day.

I knew the only child syndrome was not the best for sonny boy but never considered the effect on me.  I always wanted more children but could never find the man to remarry who would be good to BOTH of us.  It was not in my cards while raising him so we went it alone.  I really would have had at least 4 kids if I was in a good family unit. 

I know, def no guarantee but the odds would have been more favorable for a more connected family in my mid to older ages.  O well, ya get what ya get and I am NOT sorry I was a mom.  Even if it was to only one son.

To those of us with kids who have discarded us,  it is proof that we did such a fantastic job, they simply do not NEED us any longer.  Talk about overkill!  But we did NAIL the primary objectives of parenting.  To raise a self sufficient, independent, contributor to society who is a great spouse and parent to future generations.   

I am here, right now, on this planet for another reason beyond my FOO and this I must explore.  I have been given new freedom.  Freedom from guilt, control and negative energy.

I am healthy, even considering my mental issues, LOL!  I have a good job and career and am already planning my retirement.  Have been since I was in my 20s!  I am able to leave corp America in only 6 years but may decide to stay on some fashion.  Nice to have the choice!  I volunteer often and belong to organizations that offer support and resources for those with different abilities.  I get great joy from this too!

I finally met my true love and we wed last October.  He and I are excellent partners and he gives me great comfort in life and is a fun companion and helper.  He has been wonderful through my family issues and I told him the other day.  "In case u are wondering if you are doing the right thing by be during this grief process, you are doing EVERYTHING right!"  I tenderly kissed him while holding his dear face.  He got teary eyed and held me for a long time.  I do totally love this man!

So life goes on!  And so do I.  I DID relent from making the phone call to see if GD was born yet but I will remain available.  I have had the same contact info for my son's whole memory so he knows where to find me. This is MY time w/ DH.  I must CONTINUE ON MY OWN LIFE PATH, HUBBY BY MY SIDE AND ANGELS LIKE YOU ON MY SHOULDERS, CHEERING ME ON!

Bless you my friends and thanks for all of your free love to me and other strangers on this site!  HUGS<3

Offline Pooh

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #25 on: June 13, 2012, 07:52:38 AM »
Well Footloose, I love all our WWU's here dearly but just in the short amount of time you have been here, you are truly an inspiration to me and I have already learned several things from your posts about the person I want to be.  So when you see one of those little angel crowds perched on your shoulder, quickly glance to the other shoulder and the little devil will probably be me!  (Don't listen to her, she will get you in trouble)
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Footloose

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #26 on: June 13, 2012, 09:19:26 AM »
LOL!  Pooh!  again, me too!  HAHAHA! I must fling u off many times thru the day!

I was visiting with a friend on hospice at her home and the bottle of liquid morphine was there, right in front of her on her bed table.  It said "hello?" to me.  I was so upset about her going w/o food and water as she waited to pass!  It took weeks!   So the devil popped up and said, "do it?"   I flung u across the room and ignored the impulse to end her waiting and suffering.  Had too, not my place, not my role! But derned was it hard to resist.  Again, Ruth it's that dang Cognitive Dissonance!

I am the Queen of Cognitive Dissonance!

Offline Pooh

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #27 on: June 13, 2012, 12:18:19 PM »
We kind of hijacked your thread jill....sorry.  I think jealousy is perfectly normal.  I don't think you should be trying to second guess where she was going and letting that make you jealous.  My imagination can be way worse on me than the actual truth. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Footloose

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #28 on: June 13, 2012, 12:30:48 PM »
OOps,  Jill!  I did hijack this, didn't I?  U can see why I am in time out?  LOL! Anyway, dear friend you can see u are among friends here and i hope we are giving you some comfort even when we misbehave!  Forgive me?

Hugs! <3

jill1963

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Re: feel stupid and unreasonable but mind wont stop working overtime!
« Reply #29 on: June 27, 2012, 12:42:27 PM »
hi,
No i didnt mind the hijacking of the thread, it was nice to see some light hearted banter lol, sorry its taken a while to post but only been on briefly.
Ruth you are right about not trying to read too much into things on facebook, sometimes easier said than done, but will try :-) and i will look for those open doors too, happiness is what i deserve as do we all, i just wish we could do it without all the drama from our AC and have everything harmonious :).

Jill x