Author Topic: NOn-involved but always rude  (Read 9172 times)

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Offline artlady

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NOn-involved but always rude
« on: May 25, 2012, 06:41:30 AM »
SIL's parents are pros at rude, below the belt and brash comments to everyone. SIL ( of whom is a piece of work himself) just got home from hospital yesterday from a 3 day stay from a blood clot in his liver ( he is 36), his dad and stepmom came up to see them and of course the gs( 4 months old) . DD said they made ugly comment about pics of gs on FB that had not been shared with them and she said they acted cold the rest of the time . Come to find out they were referring to my pics, a lot of the ones posted are from phone pics my DD sends me , this is my first gc so why can't i post what i want, they never mentioned all the wedding pics I've got on there. Plus if they were better gp's I'm sure they would send pics to them but they are so into themselves and stepmom has her own gc that she puts her time into. I don't have her as a friend anymore , as how they acted prior to and during the wedding , I took her off and blocked her from seeing anything, so not quiet sure how they see them but again they want to take jabs at me , I"m minding my own business , not bothering them and plus if they were caring parents , he just got home, still not out of the woods yet  with a serious situation so they should be there for support not complaining . She just wants pics to make folks think she is a good gm, as they r both so fake anyhow. I'[m not upset i just feel bad for DD and SIL that something so minor has to become a big big issue.  thanks

Offline luise.volta

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Re: NOn-involved but always rude
« Reply #1 on: May 25, 2012, 07:31:10 AM »
I'm so sorry. My take: It sounds really serious, physically. What a time for them to try to turn it into a make-wrong carnival!
Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pooh

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Re: NOn-involved but always rude
« Reply #2 on: May 25, 2012, 09:09:19 AM »
Geesh.  That's horrible.  More worried about some FB pics than his recovery.  I know he's not been warm and friendly to you, but makes me feel sorry for him to have parents that are like that.  Might go a long way to understanding his coldness.  Not an excuse, as people can change if they choose to, but still might give you some good insight as to why he's so cold, as it sounds like they are that way too.  He's still relatively young and it's been my experience, it takes years of maturity sometimes to realize you can change.  I think I'm a fairly reasonable, intelligent person, but yet I was in my late 30's before I really got a grasp on my personality.

As far as Mrs. FB pro here...Lol...is your page private?  If not, they can still see them.  Or did you tag DD/SIL?  If they are friends with them, they can see them on their wall then.  Now, however they saw them, they could have tagged themselves or simply right clicked and saved them themselves.  They're either not very FB literate or were just looking for something to gripe about, IMO.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline artlady

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Re: NOn-involved but always rude
« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2012, 10:07:41 AM »
Oh we all say the "apple hasn't fallen far from the tree" when looking at dad to SIL. I know he is a prickly person but I feel he gets from his dear dad.  Anyhow no matter what he thinks about us , I just can't respect anyone especially his own parents that come in act cold and start complaining about fb pics of mine . I don't' have a dog in this fight so don't drag me in it. I can post any pics i want of my gk's the parents have never said not to , she is not a friend on mine and I'[ve got mine set up for friends only, I have her blocked from all access to my page and dd has her blocked from some pic albums . I think she sees them on DD's wall when she post but the complaint was about my fb pics of gs , so maybe a friend who is friends with her on fb tells her she has seen the cute pics of gs , who knows but what a time to start a petty little fuss. His son is sick, might not be the end of his problems and even though he is not crazy about us I'm very worried about him. I was going up the day he came home so dd said to wait and I figured maybe his parents would come , ( not sure it they would or not as they rarely see them ) so I'll give him time to rest and go in the next week. I do hope to be a better role model than they have been or will be as it looks now.

Offline artlady

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Re: NOn-involved but always rude
« Reply #4 on: June 18, 2012, 09:06:50 AM »
Still no call to check on SIL from his dad or stepmom. I dont' care how bad things are when there is a serious illness , no matter what the family dynamics might be , you drop it and focus on the person and the illness. I just don't get it . Why are they the way they are with him, so distant ? How can a father do that to his son , not be there ? 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: NOn-involved but always rude
« Reply #5 on: June 18, 2012, 11:13:03 AM »
You cant make sense of the senseless. There is no way to see into the values and beliefs of others. It's probably just as well, we might find that there is nothing there. Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Scoop

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Re: NOn-involved but always rude
« Reply #6 on: June 18, 2012, 11:27:20 AM »
See Artlady, this is what I mean, how do you know how often SIL's parents call him?  And *why* should you?  You're too involved.  Please, step back.

Offline Lillycache

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Re: NOn-involved but always rude
« Reply #7 on: June 18, 2012, 11:27:52 AM »
I can only offer my situation. I never call my DS.  WHY?  Because I wouldn't want to call his home as I am unwelcome by his wife. and do not want to engage her in any way.   I don't want to call his cell because I don't know what his work schedule is and do not want to bother him a work.  So I don't call.  I let him call me when the time is right and he feels like talking.  I don't know what the dynamics between your SILs parents and your daughter are, and I'm certainly not saying it's at all the same.. but this is why I personally don't call my son.   I'm not sure I would call very often if he were ill for the same reason.  I just don't feel like part of his family anymore.  DIL is in charge and would be made to feel like I was interfering.

Offline Lillycache

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Re: NOn-involved but always rude
« Reply #8 on: June 18, 2012, 11:36:20 AM »
One more thought....  I have been accused of being uninvolved, distant and uncaring, while I believed I was being curteous and giving them space, and not being a busybody.   I never called to invite myself to any of the "kid" functions... and was told I was a horrible grandmother and couldn't care less about my GKs..  I just thought I was having manners and waiting to be asked.... invitations that somehow never came.  Just wanted to point that out.  When we think we know what someone else is feeling or thinking.. we are often way off base. 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: NOn-involved but always rude
« Reply #9 on: June 18, 2012, 11:43:02 AM »
LC - I have found that to be true with me more often than I would like to admit. I don't know what's going on so I come up with a logical conclusion (to me) without the facts to back it up. Many times I have been so far out in left field that I was totally out of the ball park. Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline artlady

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Re: NOn-involved but always rude
« Reply #10 on: June 18, 2012, 11:49:03 AM »
Lillycache , just last time i was there SIL said we were welcome anytime , very different than ever before , DD asks when i plan on coming . I think DD is cordial to them , she feels sorry for her DH as how they treat him but agrees to whatever he wants to do as far as calls , visits etc.
Scoop I only know because DD is so disgusted with them for they always treat him and with this illness she was even more so that they thought FB was more important then his illness and then haven't called back to see how he is doing . All of that came from the cards I've sent , my visit up there to spend the night etc , he was comparing the difference . So i don't' ask these things to get involved she brings them up in conversation so what am i to do , tell her not to discuss them with me . I do make it neutral by saying well I'm sure they will or maybe they are waiting to give him healing time . So I don't ask to get involved . WE share and have always shared girl talk like best friends about all kinds of things vs other times we act like mother/daughter .

Offline Lillycache

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Re: NOn-involved but always rude
« Reply #11 on: June 18, 2012, 12:25:54 PM »
Unfortunately to many of us "mothers of sons"  (and I'm speaking from my own experience and observation and I don't mean to generalize, but for the most part....l.

Acting like Mother/Daughter equals
 a healthy normal relationship shared between two adult women, who continue  their bond which was forged at birth and unbreakable.

Acting like Mother /Son  equals
A woman that refuses to "let go" of her son  and wants her baby back...and an unhealthy odipus complex by a man who is really just a momma's boy.

We are most often in a damned if you do damned if you don't situation.   Act concerned... call often and ask questions and we are meddling and intrusive, and should just mind our own business.     Keep a distance and let invitations be offered and wait to be called and we are distant and uncaring.   Sometimes it's really hard to know what to do.


Offline lancaster lady

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Re: NOn-involved but always rude
« Reply #12 on: June 18, 2012, 12:34:09 PM »
Like I said , we need an instruction manual !

Offline artlady

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Re: NOn-involved but always rude
« Reply #13 on: June 18, 2012, 01:32:02 PM »
AS ll said on another post of mine bring on the wine and chocolate forget the darn manual.  lol

Offline luise.volta

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Re: NOn-involved but always rude
« Reply #14 on: June 18, 2012, 01:38:25 PM »
…and sometimes pass on the gym! :-) I'm going to do that today. I hope they don't come and get me! LOL!
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher