Author Topic: Son's needy mother-in-law  (Read 9732 times)

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Offline lancaster lady

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Re: Son's needy mother-in-law
« Reply #15 on: May 16, 2012, 09:51:39 AM »
if any of my Ds's said I was their number 1# .....it's worth more than all the tea in China !

sher62

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Re: Son's needy mother-in-law
« Reply #16 on: May 16, 2012, 01:26:51 PM »
Should I contact the mother-in-law and tell her how she makes me feel? Sher

Offline Pooh

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Re: Son's needy mother-in-law
« Reply #17 on: May 16, 2012, 01:34:10 PM »
My vote is no Sher.  She's not going to get it, IMO.  Right now, she seems to feel entitled to everything that DS and her DD are doing for her, so I don't think she will see she is doing anything wrong.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

sher62

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Re: Son's needy mother-in-law
« Reply #18 on: May 16, 2012, 02:04:17 PM »
I think you are right. I just keep mulling it over in my mind and I feel so ashamed for sharing my feelings of jealousy with my son and his wife. I am suppose to be the mature mom. Now what? Any advice about what I can do to get over the shame? Sher :( 

Offline lancaster lady

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Re: Son's needy mother-in-law
« Reply #19 on: May 16, 2012, 02:08:16 PM »
Well at least you know how your Ds feels about you .
They could buy her the moon , but you are still his number 1.
These are material things , you have his love .
If next time you see her she begins to boast about all her gifts , just change the subject .
Do it every time , she will soon get the hint .
You shared a moment of insecurity with your son , and showed your vulnerable side .
He will love you all the more . I'm sure he'll keep it between you two .
Hey we Moms are human too ... ;)

sher62

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Re: Son's needy mother-in-law
« Reply #20 on: May 16, 2012, 03:40:55 PM »
Thank you all for so much for your wise and thoughtful words. I am new to this forum and I appreciate all of you very much. I am hoping I can help others as much as you have helped me. Sher

Offline Pen

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Re: Son's needy mother-in-law
« Reply #21 on: May 16, 2012, 04:55:46 PM »
Sher, be the one who doesn't cause drama & doesn't make demands...it will eventually pay off. It's hard to do, I know...when you see the "brats" get the goodies, it's tempting to become one yourself. But as Pooh said, be proud that you aren't demanding, needy, incapable of taking care of yourself, etc.

Getting over jealousy is one of the hardest things I've ever worked on. It makes me feel horrible! I think we have to actively exercise our good thoughts and push the other thoughts out. It may be a lifelong project, but I believe we can get make progress if we try. Also, don't beat yourself up if the green-eyed monster sneaks up on you from time to time. We're only human, after all.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Doe

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Re: Son's needy mother-in-law
« Reply #22 on: May 16, 2012, 05:39:09 PM »
I think you are right. I just keep mulling it over in my mind and I feel so ashamed for sharing my feelings of jealousy with my son and his wife. I am suppose to be the mature mom. Now what? Any advice about what I can do to get over the shame? Sher :(

Yeah, don't mull it over anymore if it's making you feel bad.

I vote for letting it go with the other MIL for now.  However, next time she starts bragging about the gifts, you might say, "Are you trying to be annoying?  Because you're really being annoying."  Practice it in front of the mirror a bunch of times so you have it down.

And keep coming back here and posting.  We'll get you in shape before you see her again.   ;)

Offline Pen

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Re: Son's needy mother-in-law
« Reply #23 on: May 16, 2012, 05:56:06 PM »
Not that I am suggesting anyone to actually do this, but wouldn't it be funny if when the MIL starts bragging again to gently lay a hand on her arm, soulfully look into her eyes & say, "I concede.. MIL, you win the which-mom-gets-more-stuff contest."
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

sher62

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Re: Son's needy mother-in-law
« Reply #24 on: May 16, 2012, 06:38:34 PM »
Wow! Doe and Pen, I like the way you think. Awesome comebacks. Thanks so much, Sher


Offline pam1

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Re: Son's needy mother-in-law
« Reply #25 on: May 17, 2012, 10:18:26 AM »
Welcome Sher!

I agree with the others, don't say anything more.  As a DIL, we were in that role with my husbands parents that your son is in with his parent in laws.  It is very, very bewildering for any adult child to have to feel this much responsibility for another adult, especially one in a parental role.  It's even harder for the spouse (your son) who has no experience at all with this (you sound pretty independent and non-needy) so his head is in a different place.  Getting married and then taking of your spouses needy family can break a marriage, I've been there, done that.

My parents were sidelined quite a bit when I had to deal with this.  The best thing they did was just support DH and I.  And now things are totally different, they are our safe place.  When things got tough (and likely, the situation with your sons in laws will when you've got a person like the MIL in the mix) they'll need a place they can go, a support system.  You can do that.

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift