Author Topic: What to do with a 17 yr. old GS, after his other GP's moved him here  (Read 887 times)

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kttssteel5

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Well, Goodmorning all WW,
My DH's 17 yr. old grandson moved in with us about 2 months ago, now doesn't that sound fun, we have had him for summers for the past 3 yrs. no problems, but when we had to step in to the parent roll well things aren't so good.  His other GP's got rid of him because he wouldn't follow rules, do homework, smoking pot, etc.  So he came here and was making progress in school, followed rules for the most part but the smoking pot was an issue, so of course it came to a head when he got grounded, (a foreign concept to him), and started calling me names that I can't and won't repeat here, he verbally attacked me since he has problems with women, (his mother gave up custody when he was 2).  I am not one to take a verbal attack without getting in his face so it escalated to an all out physical confertation between him and I with my DH of course trying to restrain him.  Cops were called he is now in a 10 week program for depression and aggression, in OK you can't put a child in a drug rehab no matter what age they are unless they agree, how crazy is that?  My problem is he did apologize to my DH for hurting him but he hasn't said anything to me about attacking  me, and I am  the one that has made sure he has what he needs while he is there.  Of course he wants to come home and is doing his usual thing in trying to work it to get out as early as possible, however, I am not so sure that he is going to be welcome in my home, unless he changes alot, fortunately the DH agrees, but the GS will have no where else to go besides DHS custody,  and I surely don't want him to think I am afraid of him far from it I am just not stupid enough to punch him out and go to jail.  Anyone, have any suggestions on what to do if he doesn't change, apologize, gets out early etc.  He and I have always had a great relationship before this.  I guess I will know more after tonight it will be the first time I have been to actually visit him but at this point he will probably do or say what ever he thinks will make us get him out early, which isn't going to happen no matter what he says.  Your advice is more than welcome especially if you have been in a similar situation.  Have a great day WW!

Offline Doe

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Re: What to do with a 17 yr. old GS, after his other GP's moved him here
« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2012, 10:50:35 AM »
Hi Kttssteel15-

So he's in rehab for 10 weeks?  Maybe you should tell him that you'll discuss his future plans with him at the end of the program.  If the program is any good, you'll be talking to a different person then.  If it's not working, you can tell in your visits with him.  I say trust your instincts.  The boy has a lot to learn.

Offline Pooh

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Re: What to do with a 17 yr. old GS, after his other GP's moved him here
« Reply #2 on: April 30, 2012, 10:07:41 AM »
Hold your ground.  It's the hardest thing you will ever do, if you have to make other arrangements for him, but it's also the most loving thing you can do for him and yourself.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

kttssteel5

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Well it has been around 4 to 5 weeks and he is doing worse then when he went in as far as sharing and taking responiblity for his actions, they are thinking of putting him in juvi. or dhs care, not pleasant but at this point if they can't help him then he sure doesn't need to be amauters.  Thanks for all your posts, I have been lax on getting on wwu been busy handling this and other things but wil try to be more involved here.  If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them.  Have a blessed day. Ktt

Offline Pooh

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So sorry kttssteel5.  I know it's not easy.  We just went through this with SD and with the exception of drugs, were dealing with everything else you have listed.  It will be the hardest thing you have to do if you will not allow him back in your house, and the guilt is very hard to contend with.  SD moved out, 3 weeks before graduation because we grounded her for some of the same things (disrespect, name calling, aggressiveness).  My DH was heartbroken, but the bottom line is she made a choice.  We provided her with a safe environment to live and she didn't appreciate it.  We gave her opportunities, but because they didn't match her plan, she sees it as we didn't help her at all.  And her plan was very flawed, unsafe and honestly, stupid. 

You have give him the opportunities, it is up to him to take them.  You can't make him.  All you can do is set your rules and stick to them, like you are doing.  No fun.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Doe

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Pooh made a good point - it's the AC who are making these choices, not us.    I doubt that any of us would ever choose the situations that our AC find themselves in and blame us for.  I guess they have to blame someone, though and we are all knowing, all seeing, all powerful... (yeah, right!)

Offline Pooh

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My crystal ball is broken
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell