Author Topic: Right for visitation?  (Read 4063 times)

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Trondogs

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Right for visitation?
« on: March 20, 2012, 07:16:03 PM »
Hello wise women. Today I got served with papers. My MIL is taking my husband and I to court for grandparents visitation. Does anyone have experience of knowledge on this sort of thing? Thanks as always!

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Right for visitation?
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2012, 10:34:41 PM »
I have no personal experience. My take form what I have read is that it can be very hard on kids who are usually all too aware of the tug of war and find their role models lacking. I would see a child psychologist to see if you can get a professional recommendation against it.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pen

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Re: Right for visitation?
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2012, 11:17:48 PM »
Trondogs, I hope everything works out for the best. Wish I knew more about this for you. I'd call a local law school, sometimes you can get free or inexpensive help with arbitration from law students if you don't have access to legal advice through other means.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline constantmargaret

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Re: Right for visitation?
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2012, 12:01:26 PM »
I read a bit of your story, and wonder how MIL can possibly think she has a leg to stand on, considering the police report proving she left your toddler locked in a car.

I would ask your attorney about filing an objection on grounds that it would not be in the children's best interest, citing this report as an example of her conduct. Her lawyer may not want to proceed when presented with that lovely factoid.

Also, didn't you have a court date regarding an arrest based on her accusations? How did that turn out? If that got thrown out, I would think you could use that to show that this is someone willing to harm the family unit and for that reason that her presence in your kids'  lives is not in their best interests.

I don't have personal experience with this, but I bet there is a lot of info online if you're willing to dig. Additionally, laws regarding GP visitation vary from state to state. Some states are very strict and others, not so much. Hopefully you live in one that makes it tough to get GP visitation.

Good luck

Trondogs

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Re: Right for visitation?
« Reply #4 on: March 21, 2012, 06:43:18 PM »
Thank you all. Constant- MIL has no sense of reality, per a therapist that comes with narcissistic personality that she believes MIL has. She has no logic and she's in "free falling mode" now.

The attorney I have for the criminal case does not deal with family cases so tomorrow I am meeting with a different attorney.

My criminal case is still pending, but is going to be dismissed. I think you have the right idea with what MIL's intentions and we actually have proof of it which the prosecuter was given by my attorney.

I did a lot of research today and I do live in a state with strict visitation. My state allows anyone to petition for visitation of anyone's kids but you must prove many things, all of whilch MIL cannot.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Right for visitation?
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2012, 06:56:43 PM »
My take is that you are handling this horror very wisely and well. Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline Pooh

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Re: Right for visitation?
« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2012, 08:34:28 AM »
Sorry Tron.  I have some experience with it but it's a totally different situation from yours.  Let your attorney guide you through it as you have so much going on.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Trondogs

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Re: Right for visitation?
« Reply #7 on: March 22, 2012, 05:45:03 PM »
Thanks Pooh and everyone else. I met and retained a barracuda today :) She said one day in court and she'll get it thrown out. I feel better now knowing my son is not going to be left alone with her. It's unfortuate for her because now she has ruined the chance of her son ever talking to her again. He is in therapy and has detached with love.

Offline pam1

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Re: Right for visitation?
« Reply #8 on: March 23, 2012, 09:44:27 AM »
Trondogs, glad you did research.  It is extraordinarily difficult for a grandparent to receive visitation rights in many states.  And if they do, it is even further difficult for the order to be enforced. 

Sending you and your family good thoughts.  You guys need some fun time, I hope you're taking time out from this mess to enjoy yourselves.  It's too easy to get wrapped up in this kind of stuff and let it consume everything.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Trondogs

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Re: Right for visitation?
« Reply #9 on: March 23, 2012, 02:03:24 PM »
pam- yes it is hard and in some situations not a good thing. Thanks, we aren't really doing anything- it seems like everything costs money and we are broke for obvious reasons :) I think once we get through the month of April things will be ok. Thanks for your care.

Offline pam1

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Re: Right for visitation?
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2012, 10:14:59 AM »
Even just doing things that don't cost money and have nothing to do with your MIL will help your family.  Just some ideas...specific days or times when MIL and the issues cannot be discussed.  Areas of the house (like your bedroom) where MIL and issues cannot be discussed.

It's really, really important that these type of things do not infiltrate your entire life.  It's very easy for them too and can hurt your relationships with others.  I've seen it happen way too many times.

Take care of yourself, I'll be sending you good thoughts.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline NewMama

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Re: Right for visitation?
« Reply #11 on: March 25, 2012, 11:01:30 AM »
My impression was always that grandparents rights were mostly enforced when parents are divorced/not together or one parent was deceased.  I've read the courts mostly recognize that if you and your DH decided together to cut off contact with MIL you're well within your rights to do that.

Trondogs

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Re: Right for visitation?
« Reply #12 on: March 30, 2012, 09:31:44 AM »
I've hired a family attorney. She said there hasn't been a grandparent petition granted where the parents are still married and contest since 1995 in my state and they have since heavied the burden of proof that the grandparent must provide. She said  MIL doesn't stand a chance, especially with the things she has done with my children in the past that have documnented legally.

I could have probably handled this on  my own considering all the research I have done since I was served but it feels better to have an experienced attorney on my side. My attorney said that day it will most likely be dismissed. April 3oth is the court date.

Then once it's heard it can't be heard again. Meaning, once the judge denies it MIL can't file next year again, for example.

I am nervous about what MIL will do next when she loses her visitation petition and my criminal charges get dropped. This is what really bothers me because I've realized I can not see what MIL will do next because she is so unpredictable. I know she is mentally/emotionally unstable. She is not the violent type. I hope she doesn't do anything harmful to herself.

Offline pam1

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Re: Right for visitation?
« Reply #13 on: March 30, 2012, 10:54:35 AM »
Trondogs, I'm glad you saw an attorney and feel a bit better with what is happening.

I understand wondering what might happen next, my opinion is that it is going to get worse and you will need to start prepping now.  Changing numbers, email addresses, making sure daycares/schools have explicit instructions concerning MIL possibly showing up, informing your work places of what is going on and to look for suspicious behavior.  You are on defense now, make it strong.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline Pooh

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Re: Right for visitation?
« Reply #14 on: March 30, 2012, 11:19:18 AM »
Yes.  I'm a firm believer that the best defense is a good offense.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell