March 28, 2024, 12:57:47 PM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


How Can We All Understand Eachother Peacefully?

Started by cocobars, April 13, 2010, 11:56:11 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Mystic

I agree with Laila9 and Postscript.  I think Cocos post was made to stop the fighting and make peace.  I think she wrote this in a constructive way and it looks like Cremebrulee is wanting to start a fight again.  I am sorry Coco.

I hope this means mothers of daughters can come here too.  Thank you for your concerns for me and other mothers of daughters.  I hope you ladies can be kinder and more respectful.  Rude comments serve no purpose and are bullyish.  They are not productive.

Meryl

I think this site has the potential to grow into a great site with the inclusion of MILs DILS Mothers of Daughters and everyone else who has something to offer. I am excited to see the site grow! Diversity is a good thing!

I am trying to say this as carefully and respectfully as I can so bear with me. My perception has been, in the past, that new people are run off if they have something to say that is considered outside the site's norm. I am not talking about aggressive people coming in and doing a hit and run - I'm talking about people who truly want to be part of the site but may have different ideas. New ideas are nothing to be afraid of. Let's give these people a chance - they may have a lot to offer.

I also totally agree with the idea of being positive and respectful. Since we are a variety of people with a variety of experiences not everyone is going to perceive things the same way. I realize this is hard because we all come with different hurts, but I think it will be helpful to try to develop a thicker skin about things people say. I want to believe that people are posting with best intentions and no one is trying to hurt anyone else. Let's not look for hurt or negativity where none is intended.  The ideas are not bad or negative, just different.

I apologize if I give any offense; I know I'm as subtle as a train blaring down a track. (it's part of my charm ;)).

Meryl :)

Marilyn

Meryl,i agree with what you just said.

Shoot,Meryl i remember your very first post,you percieved what i had said,so totally different than the way it was for me.It opened an old wound for you.But after i seen how you percieved it,and you understood where i was coming from,we worked thru that.And we moved forward.

With that misunderstanding,and working thru it,i sure learned a lot about you,and it made me stop and look at myself and my perception.

I have learned a lot here,and hope to gain further insight to my own growth.


cremebrulee

April 15, 2010, 08:09:42 AM #33 Last Edit: April 15, 2010, 08:16:50 AM by cremebrulee
QuoteMystic I think she wrote this in a constructive way and it looks like Cremebrulee is wanting to start a fight again.  I am sorry Coco.

Excuse me??  Mystic, you couldn't be more wrong...I'm sorry you read me like that...however, I will not apologize for my opinion and feelings...I tell it straight forward, like it is...I don't sugar coat things or write what you want to hear..I write me, who I am...and I'm sorry I cannot be like some of you...I've tried and it just doesn't work...not for me...I'm not trying to hurt anyone or start a fight as you put it...but what I am doing, is sharing my side of the story, opinions, experiences, etc...and I believe that's ok...do I disagree with some of you, yes..., however, theere have been a whole lot more times, I've agreed with you in the past...am I angry, no, and I trying to start a fight, heck no...I'm relaying my thoughts and feelings....

I'm going to post something that someone else wrote, and I've said this many times but in a different way....it is all about perspectives and how you think and feel about things...we see what we want to see...

Yes, I posted my feelings, contrary to the feelings of others in here, but I am not trying to start trouble...as someone else said, we agree to disagree, and that is what it's all about and what some are trying very hard here to reinterate...we will sometimes not always agree, it doesn't mean we're trying to hurt anyone or start a fight...please, don't view it that way....and when there is a disagreement, stand up and be counted...do not walk away...pouting, but relay your side of the story and work things out...it shows repect for oneself, and respect for others, even when we don't agree...

"The written word is both perfect, and imperfect. It's perfect in that it can capture a moment, a feeling, and give a portrayal of an event. It's imperfect in that it cannot always translate one's intent, nor one's inflections as if one were having a conversation with another. Thus, what sometimes is perceived as confrontational is merely a statement that's designed to give an opinion, not to judge another. It's natural to read into the written word with our own frames of reference, but sometimes we need to step back and analyze the situation to be sure that we're not reacting to something that we inferred, rather than what was written by another."




cremebrulee

Quote from: Mominwaiting on April 15, 2010, 07:14:50 AM
Meryl,i agree with what you just said.

Shoot,Meryl i remember your very first post,you percieved what i had said,so totally different than the way it was for me.It opened an old wound for you.But after i seen how you percieved it,and you understood where i was coming from,we worked thru that.And we moved forward.

With that misunderstanding,and working thru it,i sure learned a lot about you,and it made me stop and look at myself and my perception.

I have learned a lot here,and hope to gain further insight to my own growth.

Sometimes your biggest disagreements, give insight into the other person and you can become best of friends, finding you have so much in common, or realizing that there is much to be learned from one another.

Orly

Um, my two cents here.   I think the site has progressed past the shake-down stage and is now in the "let's rub the rough edges off" stage.  Everyone is still fitting personalities together and learning how we all tick....in essence, the real basic family growth spurt.  For all the gardeners here....the garden is at the straggly growing in stage....gotta get past this point to have the beautiful garden people strive for and that just takes time and patience.


Orly

Um...could you ladies please check and see if my little left shoulder devil is visiting?  It sounds like he has been making the rounds and I have definitely been feeling lighter on that shoulder.  I have a new roll of duct tape waiting for his return.  Thanks!

Meryl

Quote from: Mominwaiting on April 15, 2010, 07:14:50 AM
Meryl,i agree with what you just said.

Shoot,Meryl i remember your very first post,you percieved what i had said,so totally different than the way it was for me.It opened an old wound for you.But after i seen how you percieved it,and you understood where i was coming from,we worked thru that.And we moved forward.

With that misunderstanding,and working thru it,i sure learned a lot about you,and it made me stop and look at myself and my perception.

I have learned a lot here,and hope to gain further insight to my own growth.



Thank you for the kind thoughts. That was a perfect example of me  being blinded by my own experience and reacting to that.
I'm glad we were able to see each other's side of the story. I went back into therapy, I guess I wasn't as over my father as I thought I was.   I am glad we were able to work together.

Meryl :)

Hope

Quote from: Mystic on April 15, 2010, 05:34:01 AM
I agree with Laila9 and Postscript.  I think Cocos post was made to stop the fighting and make peace.  I think she wrote this in a constructive way and it looks like Cremebrulee is wanting to start a fight again.  I am sorry Coco.

I hope this means mothers of daughters can come here too.  Thank you for your concerns for me and other mothers of daughters.  I hope you ladies can be kinder and more respectful.  Rude comments serve no purpose and are bullyish.  They are not productive.
Coco, I think the topic of this thread is very positive, "How Can We All Understand Eachother Peacefully?", and everything I have read from your posts have overall come across loving, caring, and kind.  I also understand your need to take a break some times - there's nothing wrong with that.......your decision entirely.  I don't see that as looking for sympathy or anything like that.  I think we are all hurting in our individual situations and if we perceive someone Else's' comment to be offensive or judging - we may need to take a step back and heal a little.  You are very loved.
Hugs, Hope (sure hope I didn't squeeze too tight with that hug - sometimes I get carried away)

1Glitterati

Quote from: Hope on April 17, 2010, 01:23:36 PM
Quote from: Mystic on April 15, 2010, 05:34:01 AM
I agree with Laila9 and Postscript.  I think Cocos post was made to stop the fighting and make peace.  I think she wrote this in a constructive way and it looks like Cremebrulee is wanting to start a fight again.  I am sorry Coco.

I hope this means mothers of daughters can come here too.  Thank you for your concerns for me and other mothers of daughters.  I hope you ladies can be kinder and more respectful.  Rude comments serve no purpose and are bullyish.  They are not productive.
Coco, I think the topic of this thread is very positive, "How Can We All Understand Eachother Peacefully?", and everything I have read from your posts have overall come across loving, caring, and kind.  I also understand your need to take a break some times - there's nothing wrong with that.......your decision entirely.  I don't see that as looking for sympathy or anything like that.  I think we are all hurting in our individual situations and if we perceive someone Else's' comment to be offensive or judging - we may need to take a step back and heal a little.  You are very loved.
Hugs, Hope (sure hope I didn't squeeze too tight with that hug - sometimes I get carried away)

Coco is gone.   :(  She isn't allowed here anymore because of complaints about her.

Postscript

Honestly how could anyone complain about Coco? She was fair, open minded and posted so thoughtfully.  Coco really cared about us and about WWU.  I will miss her here.

luise.volta

I am going to respond to this topic in a separate post. Tonight, if possible or tomorrow at the latest. It will be under "Grab Bag." Sending Love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Hope

Thanks, Luise.  I hope this is just a misunderstanding b/c Coco is such a sweet, caring person.  I can't imagine that anyone would complain about her.  I feel bad that you have to deal with this on top of everything else.
Sending love and hugs, Hope