Author Topic: Why the disrespect?  (Read 2460 times)

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Sassy

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Why the disrespect?
« on: April 13, 2010, 07:12:09 PM »
I am wondering why would someone do what Luise has specifically asked us not to do to her site.

Why would someone desecrate this place by stirring up board wars on "hate sites" and intentionally bring their upsetting negativity over here?

I am shaking my head because it is so, so..... wrong.

Maybe it's just me, but reading what was done feels like a betrayal of Luise, and in some of her darkest hours.

I can't understand why.

Please, out of respect for Luise and those of us who prefer to avoid needless drama and instead seek solace and safety here .... please stop.

Please.
« Last Edit: April 13, 2010, 07:35:13 PM by Sassy »

RedRose

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Re: Why the disrespect?
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2010, 07:31:34 PM »
Sassy,

I have the greatest respect for Luise and I have been praying for her and her husband everyday.

This site also belongs to Chicky...and I have a lot of respect for her also.

Offline Pen

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Re: Why the disrespect?
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2010, 07:41:14 PM »
I don't understand how Chickie's post caused such a hateful reaction - it seemed pretty benign to me, but I'm not a DIL in pain. Chickie is free to do what she wants, and Luise can handle it how she wants. I don't want the trash site here, either. After my first exposure I knew it was not the site for me - I'm a lover, not a hater, as the old saying goes. I was so glad to find WWU!

Here's my hope - that the old posters come back here and we can rebuild, better than ever. Coco? Isitme? Renny? Hope? Invisible? And everyone else who hasn't been here in awhile?
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

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Re: Why the disrespect?
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2010, 07:51:44 PM »
Pen, first of all, many of these people knew me from past sites.  I am desperate to find out what was happening.  They
gave me the same treatment they are giving me now.  I kept going back and got more. That was a huge mistake and
one I'll never forget.   They gave Creme the same treatment.  It was horrible.

I have alerted their Webmaster about the entire thread being put here and to her credit, she took most of it down. I think
there is a warning over there about posting threads on other sites. 

I wanted this site to be one where we weren't talked to like we were three. I shouldn't have gone there, no doubt about 
it.  Nothing will stop the ladies now, though.  I should never have owned up to it on here...big mistake. No matter what I do or
say, it will be the same treatment I got years ago.

I caused this dreadful thing and I will have to pay the consequences. If it means I leave, I leave.  We will see.


I don't understand how Chickie's post caused such a hateful reaction - it seemed pretty benign to me, but I'm not a DIL in pain. Chickie is free to do what she wants, and Luise can handle it how she wants. I don't want the trash site here, either. After my first exposure I knew it was not the site for me - I'm a lover, not a hater, as the old saying goes. I was so glad to find WWU!

Here's my hope - that the old posters come back here and we can rebuild, better than ever. Coco? Isitme? Renny? Hope? Invisible? And everyone else who hasn't been here in awhile?

willingtohelp

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Re: Why the disrespect?
« Reply #4 on: April 13, 2010, 08:30:46 PM »
Pent, I'll bite, because to be honest, Chickie's post was a bit insulting to me as well.  She first posted about how we're "throwing DH's mother away".  I am estranged from my ILs as well as many women on that board.  We didn't throw our MsIL away.  We tried, oh goodness did we try.  We tried being doormats, we tried talking, we have tried therapy, we have tried boundaries, we have tried everything we can think of until we say enough.  The idea that we've just callously tossed them aside is an insult to all we've done to try to make it work.  And then to go on and suggest that it's a problem with us because surely a MIL couldn't cause all this pain would be like me saying that surely the MsIL on this site are the ones with problems because surely a DIL couldn't cause this pain.  It's just plain wrong on both accounts.  People can hurt other people.  Some people can really really hurt other people.  They can be MsIL, FsIL, SsIL, DsIL, or no one's ILs.  Then when people responded angrily to her post she called them rabid dogs unfit to be in society.  Not the nicest response.  Overall, I think if someone had come here and posted what she posted there, our responses wouldn't have been very charming either. 

I totally agree that Chickie is free to do what she wants.  And Luise is free to do what she needs to do to protect this site, and I hope that no one from over there decides to stir up trouble here since we basically did it to them first.  But I'm not going to condemn those women for finding a site where they can vent and doing so.  And I am a bit embarrassed that we went there and poked the hornet's nest.  I think it was juvenile. 

Offline isitme?

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Re: Why the disrespect?
« Reply #5 on: April 13, 2010, 09:09:22 PM »
I don't understand how Chickie's post caused such a hateful reaction - it seemed pretty benign to me, but I'm not a DIL in pain. Chickie is free to do what she wants, and Luise can handle it how she wants. I don't want the trash site here, either. After my first exposure I knew it was not the site for me - I'm a lover, not a hater, as the old saying goes. I was so glad to find WWU!

Here's my hope - that the old posters come back here and we can rebuild, better than ever. Coco? Isitme? Renny? Hope? Invisible? And everyone else who hasn't been here in awhile?

Hi Penstamen... thanks for remembering me!  I've been here but not posting so much these days - I love keeping up with everyone here but I have to say, what's happened today made me very sad.  I hope we are able to get back to that better place of mutual respect and understanding as we try to help each other cope with the difficulties in life.  As a dil, I think I can understand how Chickie's post caused a lot of pain to some of the DILs. Just as she may have been projecting her feelings about her own dils' onto these other ones... In the same way, they may have been reading into her behavior in a way that  reflects  how they see their own MILs - and they responded accordingly.  does that make sense?  I think this really is a perfect example about how there can be MILS and DILS both who are real stinkers - and we can't just generalize and assume that ALL DILS are bad or ALL MILs are bad. 

I'm still a little confused about why chickie felt the need to do this.  Chickie?  You've always been such a wonderful source of support for me  and so many other DILS here when we were struggling with our questions.  Do you really think we are all so horrible?  I hope not  :(

cocobars

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Re: Why the disrespect?
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2010, 09:19:05 PM »
Has anyone looked at the post above this one?  It was written well before I stepped back in to reply.  Do you give any validity to the fact that we have DIL's on here that are reaching out to us so that they can understand their own MIL's who are knocking them down at every breath?  I'm not saying that we haven't been knocked down, but I'm saying if we don't start listening and inviting their wisdom as DIL's who have experience with some pretty difficult MIL's, then we're doomed as a group.  I don't think this is what Luise had in mind when she started this site.  The simple fact that she went through this name change from "Mother's in Law Unite" to "Wise Women Unite," tells me that this was meant to be a healing place - FOR WOMEN.  Doesn't smack of MIL or DIL to me, does it you?  This site has changed.  Why are we bullying eachother?

I have watched MIL's and DIL's alike walk away, including me.  When will we say as a group that we are ALL mother's and we deserve to understand eachother?  As a MIL, I have already been a DIL.  What I'm trying to say is that we all have common ground here.   I left this site and went to a DIL hate site for comfort.  That's how bad we've gotten.

What happened to "I want to understand" from both sides (DIL's/MIL's)?  Is anybody interested anymore?  I went on that site and have read and read.  I found out that it is PROHIBITED to come on this site and talk about us there.  Why are we doing this?  They are shutting down any post that relates to us and respecting our site.  Why are we finding it necessary to go there and disrespect theirs.

I have a problem with this, and the fact that I am made fun of because "I have a daughter here."  You are losing MIL's as well as DIL's here.  I have been struck down here at every opportunity, if I even agree with a DIL.  OK, I cut off my family for awhile - YES IT WAS MY PARENTS!  Yes, I've been to the site you call the "hate site."  I believe from what I've read (and I am just lurking for now), the DIL's on that site are respectful of our privacy.  They have no choice.  If they write about us, their post will be "shut down."

If we continue with this narrowminded stone throwing here, we will have no DIL's here with us.  They will all give up on us too.  Is that the objective?  I'm not trying to be disrespectful to anyone.  I left because I'm somewhere in the middle and I got the message "loud and clear" that I was supposed to choose a side.  I have no side!  I am a DIL and I am a MIL.  What side is this?  I like them both and seem to be good at both.  I believed for a long time that this was a site we all could come to for understanding and love.  I'm disappointed and I hope, for the sake of understanding our own sorrow and grief, that we as MIL's can take a few breaths, and come back in with a new attitude. 

We need eachother.  If you find yourself making hurtful comments, I hope you will see how much that hurts others, take some deep breaths and a break, and come back in with all the compassion you had before.

You never know, we might even see some lost women back...

Sassy

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Re: Why the disrespect?
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2010, 09:21:52 PM »
I was not asking about disrespect for DILs.  Or disrespect for another website.  I was asking about why the disrespect for this website.

What I found disrespectful was intentionally bringing their specific stuff here and throwing it around all over the place.  After Luise has posted so many times to that of course we can do whatever we want elsewhere, just don't drag their stuff back here.

Perhaps it's just a coincidence of timing.   When Luise had to be focused somewhere else, the tone of hate, the exact terminology, the cursing and foul language, the mockery, the "they/them" versus "we/us" spirit was brought over here.  Perhaps its just another coincidence of timing, but it seems when printing the details of their business here wasn't garnering enough, i don't know, reaction?, to go there so identifiably as from this specific site, call them names like dogs, and agitate them to the point they actually put the url link to this site on there so they could come here to mock us some more, well, I guess that's how it feels like a betrayal that a hate freeway was erected directly to Luise's site.   If Luise didn't want the type of personalities that the Doctor Phil show could draw, then I really don't understand why would someone issue such an invitation on what she calls "hate sites"?

I come here because I have a very, very troubled MIL. If I had a desire to discuss my MIL in terms of name calling, have people tell me I'm stupid for loving her and actually caring for her feelings, be told "his mother, his problem" and be disparaged for actually wanting to get along with her no matter the things she's said and done to me and my DH, because she is my husband's only Mother, and because I have love beating in my broken heart for her, there are already plenty of places I could go.

I came here because it was full of women who understood wanting to heal with family members instead of seeing them as adversaries.  Especially with some MILs here, I felt pain the MILs feel, I so much wanted to help them heal and feel love from their families, I shared in their tears and their joys.  To me, at times, it felt like surrogate MILs.  I work with a lot of young people, my MIL is not talking to me right now, and wise women are just the salve I needed.  Reading here has gotten me through some of my darkest hours.

To think hard about my MIL the last few days, come here and instead of reading about ways to heal or love or even learning - we see some other site's disparaging hate speech.  Pages of it.  Multiple threads of it.  Just like everywhere else.

If this was actually a WWU admin who wanted to create this change for this site, to me it just doesn't seem to flow with that upper right hand corner.
I get all people and places evolve and change.  This is the internet,  I was a bit naive to expect this to remain a cozy loving place for long.

But I truly don't understand why they'd want to do that to this place, of all places.  I just don't get it.

« Last Edit: April 13, 2010, 10:24:35 PM by Sassy »

cocobars

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Re: Why the disrespect?
« Reply #8 on: April 13, 2010, 09:24:50 PM »
The fact remains.  This is a Wise Women site - no longer a MIL site.  We are all here to heal.  Why are we doing this?  As MIL's we need the input of these DIL's as much as they need ours.

I just don't understand anymore... 

2chickiebaby

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Re: Why the disrespect?
« Reply #9 on: April 13, 2010, 09:25:46 PM »
Isitme, you have always been one of my favorites and always kind to me.  I hope you don't fall out of favor with the others
because I said that.  :)  I do not and have not said that you were all horrible, ever.

If what I did causes me to have to leave and this is not the place for me, so be it.  Luise has asked me a million times not
to go there and I did it again.  The postings were horrible and I told them to think of what they were saying, that we are
Mothers.  That's their
place and I should not have gone there.  I can no longer apologize for it...it's getting ridiculous now. 

The women who are giving me life lessons on here are far worse than anything I said over there.  They knew it was me
all along...I watched them over there post my screen name and call me everything in the book.  I could tell (they say
they know me from my writing style)  They detest me so they showed up here to tell me off and PM each other to do the
gang bang on me. 





cocobars

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Re: Why the disrespect?
« Reply #10 on: April 13, 2010, 09:28:43 PM »
Chickie, where do you think I went when I left here?  I went there.  There are not stories I read about you.  Nobody is gangbanging.  I was really quite impressed with some of the posts telling the posters on that site to leave us alone...

cocobars

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Re: Why the disrespect?
« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2010, 09:31:29 PM »
Has anyone thought about what Luise is going through?  Has anyone posted just for her?

2chickiebaby

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Re: Why the disrespect?
« Reply #12 on: April 13, 2010, 09:34:47 PM »
I'm glad they made you happy, Coco...


Chickie, where do you think I went when I left here?  I went there.  There are not stories I read about you.  Nobody is gangbanging.  I was really quite impressed with some of the posts telling the posters on that site to leave us alone...

cocobars

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Re: Why the disrespect?
« Reply #13 on: April 13, 2010, 09:43:29 PM »
"THEY" didn't make me happy.  I was curious and found that what I had heard wasn't true.  They are doing the same thing there, we are here.   If we continue to hate them for hurting, while they are affording us some dignity, where will this site end up?

Postscript

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Re: Why the disrespect?
« Reply #14 on: April 13, 2010, 09:45:05 PM »
I watched them over there post my screen name and call me everything in the book.  We also didn't "gang bang" anyone, do you actually know what that term means? What on earth makes you think we did? Because we all had a similar reaction to what you did?

Speaking only for myself, I didn't out you over there, I didn't want or need to.  I've also not said anything rude or called you names on either site.  I just want to know why you stirred up this hornets nest like everyone else does.

Feel free to ignore and condemn me.  It's probably easier.

Coco it's good to see you! 

Luise I am sorry.