Author Topic: Hello again  (Read 1349 times)

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Offline Barbie

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Hello again
« on: April 10, 2010, 03:37:58 PM »
I owe everyone an apology for the way I reacted. Thanks to this site I started seeing things in a more positive way and therefore my life made a complete turnaround and I'm happy once again.
Coco, I'm sorry, I always look forward to reading your posts, Pentsman, Chickie, Anna, Creme, You're all so wonderful and I have learned so much from all of you.
Chickie, I read your comment about the Bob Newhart show, I laughed so hard, hope therapy went well and that you don't need to go much longer. I'm so glad someone was able to convince you that your sons really do love you, they really do...
I don't post much because the truth is that I have more questions than answers. I have never had to deal with anything remotely like what I've had to deal with with DIL, I doubt she will ever meet me halway. I know what she overheard me say about her family must have hurt her, that day I had had it with her, I wish I could take it back. I think in the end my son will get tired of her immaturity, I can't believe he will put up with her behavior for the rest of his life, I don't think anybody could. Before they were married they moved 3 1/2 hours away, my son has no family or friends nearby, he lives to please her and I don't see his love being reciprocated. It hurts me to have brought my son into this world to see him being used and abused when we always gave him so much love. It's not easy being a mother, it only gets harder as they get older.

2chickiebaby

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2010, 04:09:59 PM »
Dear Precious Guest,
You don't owe anyone an apology...we're all hurting on this board for one reason or another.  I know you are and you know
I am.

The thing that meant so much to me is when Postscript said that kids always loved their Mom and Dad.  I honestly didn't
know that.  I thought because my DILs were so controlling that there was no room for love from them to us.

My background is not good so I know that played a part in what I'm going through.  Your son loves you and whatever he's
going through with his wife must be so hard for him.  I get in trouble for saying this but it would be so much easier to
have daughters it seems to me.  You can talk to them, where you can no longer talk to your son.  You might be able
to but I can't.  They are afraid I'll ask them something or I will see something they don't want me to see.

My DILs will never meet me halfway either, Guest.  They won't.  I'm such a threat to them.  With MILs, we lose if we make
any mistakes and we lose maybe forever.   That's the big difference.  But I see how some of the DILs on this board
are hurt too.  It is the most baffling thing to me.  It hit me like a ton of bricks...they are hurt too!  What a terrible thing
we have here.  Both people hurt for no reason, maybe some silly statement that we didn't intend to make.

It is hard to be a Mother....I thought the hard part was at the beginning...it is a piece of cake compared to this.  Nothing
prepared me for this.  But, just knowing they still love me feels wonderful right now.  I hope you know your son loves
you too. 

I loved the Bob Newhart show....his group therapy sessions were priceless.  I wish I could see one now. 

It's so good to talk to you, Guest.  You're never a guest here.  We love you.   

Offline Pen

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2010, 04:21:38 PM »
Yes, dear Guest, no apologies necessary...we are all hurting as Chickie said, and we must be gentle with each other. When we need the 'cosmic 2 X 4 upside the head' as a dear friend so eloquently puts it, the wise women here know how to do it with love, support and kindness. I'm not sure some of the younger gals understand yet how gut-wrenching our situations are, but those of us who have been through it know there's nothing like it. We must believe our sons still love us; when I get a sign, like the silly text I got a couple of weeks ago, it makes me so incredibly happy. It doesn't take much, does it?
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #3 on: April 10, 2010, 04:26:59 PM »
Yes, dear Guest, no apologies necessary...we are all hurting as Chickie said, and we must be gentle with each other. When we need the 'cosmic 2 X 4 upside the head' as a dear friend so eloquently puts it, the wise women here know how to do it with love, support and kindness. I'm not sure some of the younger gals understand yet how gut-wrenching our situations are, but those of us who have been through it know there's nothing like it. We must believe our sons still love us; when I get a sign, like the silly text I got a couple of weeks ago, it makes me so incredibly happy. It doesn't take much, does it?

Oh, you're so right, Penstamen...one little word can make me live again for a year!  No one can know what we're up
against until they go through it.  I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.  We lose everything when we make mistakes.
Sometimes we lose even if we don't make mistakes.  I don't understand it but I just am overwhelmed with gratitude
that my sons still love me. 

2chickiebaby

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #4 on: April 10, 2010, 04:44:42 PM »
Totally off the subject but Elizabeth Taylor is getting married again.  Oh my Lord!!!  The woman has to be 300 years old
now and most people wouldn't remember it but she stole Debbie Reynold's husband, causing the greatest scandal
of the century!  What a tart...can you imagine how many inlaws she has?  Wowza!

Offline Pen

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #5 on: April 10, 2010, 05:13:50 PM »
I hope there's enough gauze to put over the camera lenses for the wedding photos.....oh, did I say that???
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #6 on: April 10, 2010, 05:23:01 PM »
I hope there's enough gauze to put over the camera lenses for the wedding photos.....oh, did I say that???

I often think:  there are some women who can't find one single solitary guy and here she finds 9 and marries all of
them!  What a gal. 

2chickiebaby

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #7 on: April 10, 2010, 05:45:04 PM »
LOL.
Chickie, I know my son loves me and his father, he calls me everyday, sometimes he has to hide from DIL to do it, can you believe that? oh yes, you can! We can't see him as often as we would like because as I said he is 3 1/2 hrs away so it's pretty much a weekend trip and it's pure turture for us to have to spend more than a couple of hours with DIL, I'm sure she feels the same way about us. The whole thing is so ridiculous. I have 3 kids and the 3 of them are wonderful but this son of mine is so loving and we were very close, we could talk about anything and laugh, we're a lot alike, I can't tell you how much I've missed him but I'm a lot stronger now and if I need to back off in order for him to be happy, I can and I will, I don't think that's what he wants though, i just don't want him in the middle of all this, I know he's suffering.

You have such a blessing in that he does call you.  It must mean the world to you.  You are so
blessed....I mean that...he loves you so much.  Your DIL must really be threatened, I guess.  count your blessings, Guest. :)

cremebrulee

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #8 on: April 13, 2010, 05:52:04 AM »
I owe everyone an apology for the way I reacted. Thanks to this site I started seeing things in a more positive way and therefore my life made a complete turnaround and I'm happy once again.
Coco, I'm sorry, I always look forward to reading your posts, Pentsman, Chickie, Anna, Creme, You're all so wonderful and I have learned so much from all of you.
Chickie, I read your comment about the Bob Newhart show, I laughed so hard, hope therapy went well and that you don't need to go much longer. I'm so glad someone was able to convince you that your sons really do love you, they really do...
I don't post much because the truth is that I have more questions than answers. I have never had to deal with anything remotely like what I've had to deal with with DIL, I doubt she will ever meet me halway. I know what she overheard me say about her family must have hurt her, that day I had had it with her, I wish I could take it back. I think in the end my son will get tired of her immaturity, I can't believe he will put up with her behavior for the rest of his life, I don't think anybody could. Before they were married they moved 3 1/2 hours away, my son has no family or friends nearby, he lives to please her and I don't see his love being reciprocated. It hurts me to have brought my son into this world to see him being used and abused when we always gave him so much love. It's not easy being a mother, it only gets harder as they get older.

Oh, it's so good to see you!  Darlin, we all make mistakes, it's inevidable...we're going to say things out of fear, hurt and anger...what is the first emotion you feel when someone hurts your feelings?  Hurt, right?  Then that hurt, if not checked right away, turns into anger...

You could always, always say to your DIL that your very very sorry, you didn't mean those things you said, that you were hurt, and that hurt turned into anger and you said things you wouldn't normally say...tell her, "I was wrong...so wrong, and I know I can never take back those terrible words I spoke, but I have learned a hard lesson to learn and this is very painful and hurting everyone, we're all missing out here...I believe we could learn so much from each other".  I'm not asking you to love me, I'm asking you to give our relationship a chance, tell her with great remorse, that you want to work this out...more then anything, it's a very important part of your lives as human beings to do this...if you cry, you cry, if you studder and the words don't come out right, that's ok...she may even reject your words in the beginning, however, given days, weeks, she may think about what you have to say and return to your life...however, it's worth a try, isn't it...I mean, what more could you loose, to face rejection, yes...rejection is a horrible thing...but, if you do this, you have hope, you admit your wrong, and there is personal growth for you in all of this...it's the only tool you have left, and it's a very important tool, regarding the rest of your life, regardless of the outcome.

I encourage you to try....it is not easy to suck it up, and admit we're wrong, to say I'm sorry...but when you say, I was so wrong...you are admitting to yourself that you need to continue to grow and learn...and that, in itself is a good thing.  If your DIL is a good person, down the road, she will think about what you've said, and make change herself...maybe it's not time now, as you say "I'm sorry", but it will open the door to her, down the road, believe me, she will think about it, and and want what you want...

Believe me, I never ever thought My DIL and my relationship would ever change...I honestly thought I would take this to my grave...and never, ever have a relationship with her, my son or grand daughter again...however, I was wrong...she wanted what I wanted...she realized we were both missing out on so much, just as I said so many times....we are going to try, it's a start...it's not a mother and daughter relationship by far, however, there are no expectations on both of our parts...it's a start...baby steps...now we both realize, that one negative act, on both of our parts, escalated into something that was blown way out of porportion on both of our parts, we each assumed that the other one hurt each other, we each feared speaking to each other about it...and by the way, when she told me, what I did, one thing I did, that hurt her, I couldn't believe I did that...I actually was so shocked I said out loud..."HOW DARE I DO THAT!"  and I shared with her, one thing that she did which hurt me, and she didn't remember it but was very sorry....

So, you see, we humans when we're hurt, rejected and feel betrayed, we say terrible things about the other person in defense...you think your DIL never said anything bad about you?  We perceive things, and as time goes on, if left unchecked we start anaylizing to the point of blowing things way out of porportion, and convince ourselves that our emotions and feelings are justified.  We all say things about others in anger, hurt and rejection...when really, we all want to be liked...

It's your choice hun, no matter what you decide to do, you will do the right thing when your ready, b/c you know, you must...just to clear your own mind and soul...however, when you do, you must realize, that you cannot have any expectations...just b/c it's your time, doesn't mean it will be hers...you must give her time afterwards, however, I cannot tell you, how freeing it is, to apologize and say I was wrong...it's like seeing colors again for the first time....

Do not ever have expectations of another person, define your happiness....you set you and them both up to fail when you do...love unconditionally, expecting nothing in return, which keeps us out of so so much trouble.

Big Hugs
« Last Edit: April 13, 2010, 07:10:11 AM by cremebrulee »

2chickiebaby

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #9 on: April 13, 2010, 06:26:11 AM »
Creme, you have such a calming way about you.  I do appreciate all you say....I appreciate and love you. :)

cremebrulee

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #10 on: April 13, 2010, 07:07:22 AM »
Creme, you have such a calming way about you.  I do appreciate all you say....I appreciate and love you. :)

 ;D  well, thank you so much, I really appreciate your kindness...thank you...you really surprised me and made my day....I love you to hun....and appreciate you as well...

big hugs....

cremebrulee

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2010, 07:40:34 AM »
Totally off the subject but Elizabeth Taylor is getting married again.  Oh my Lord!!!  The woman has to be 300 years old
now and most people wouldn't remember it but she stole Debbie Reynold's husband, causing the greatest scandal
of the century!  What a tart...can you imagine how many inlaws she has?  Wowza!

I heard that just yesterday?   ???