Author Topic: Easter  (Read 1847 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

cocobars

  • Guest
Easter
« on: April 01, 2010, 01:41:48 PM »
What does everyone do for the GC's for Easter?  Do you get to see them?

I'm excited because I get to have my GS again this weekend.  Last weekend I bought him an ATV and he rode it all over the community.  I don't think I've ever seen his eyes so big!  He has some toys for inside the house (for winter), but had nothing for outside play, other than walking to the park nearby.  Nothing wrong with the park though.  It has a new playground and a carosel, ducks to feed, snacks and picnic tables and boat rides.  The fact that I had nothing there for him to do outside spurred a shopping trip and it was well worth it! 

That was supposed to be his easter present, but I just couldn't wait.  It was so nice out, so he got it early.  I know it's alot, but have warned my son that it cuts back on everything else I can help with.  Anyway, I've been saving some stuff up, eggs, candy to fill them, a basket.  So I thought I would have an easter egg hunt.  I always did this for my kids and GC, but this year it will only be for one.  I know the ATV was alot and I don't want to spoil him, but Gramma's can do that sometimes, right?

Anyway, just wondered what everyone else is doing.  The weather here is supposed to be nice!

2chickiebaby

  • Guest
Re: Easter
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2010, 05:00:52 AM »
Isn't that what Nana's & Gramma's do best?  Spoil our grandchildren?  I think we have earned the right to do that on occasion !!  I buy my gc a chocolate bunny, a toy & usually a new outfit & P.J.'s. 
My dil freaked out when my son & I bought my gs a bike without consulting her first.  Son & I were out shopping with gc when son saw a bike he wanted to buy for gs.  He didn't have enough money so I offered to buy it.  Son & gs were sooooo happy, until we got home & dil freaked out.  So much for our fun day. What right did we have to buy gs such a big thing as a bike without consulting her first.  Funny, her mother can buy them skates, & anything else she wants & dil is fine with it.  You know, this will be the third summer since we bought that bike & gs has never been allowed to learn to ride it.  in fact I don't even know where it is.  Haven't seen it since we bought it.  My son & I were so happy when we bought it.  Our dil sure brought us down.  Said we didn't even think about her feelings.  Well I don't think she thought about my feelings, her hubby's feelings or her sons feeelings when she freaked out !!  I wonder what would happen if we bought him an ATV??
Really glad that your grandson enjoyed your gift.  It's nice when you can buy a gift from the heart without having to worry about an adult in your life freaking out !!

Anna, I'm so sorry!  What a way to be, huh?  I don't get it but then I never will.  I try to understand them but I don't.

We were with a great couple this week...the woman said, "I wanted your son to be my SIL.  We could have had so much fun!!  I know we could have but the fact is:  this couple is normal and nice and we don't have a normal and nice group
of people in our son's lives.  Their wives families are really far out nuts.

 

cocobars

  • Guest
Re: Easter
« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2010, 05:10:05 AM »
Anna, that's just awful and I don't understand your DIL.  It would seem that if they can't afford it, it's something they really would like to have (or at the least DS and GS), and you can afford it that it would be something they appreciate and enjoy!  It's a gift, no matter who does the buying and a gift that is needed.

I haven't had those problems with my DIL and I've seen how lucky I am reading everyone else's problems.  My DIL wanted a relationship with me so much that I couldn't talk to my son.  Things are much better since he's at my house now and there are pictures of him riding this ATV on their facebooks.  She came over two days ago and saw it and smiled.  She has three children of her own from a previous marriage and they came to my house (my parents) every year for an easter egg hunt.  She will probably be bring the kids over to ride.  But last night I went on facebook and she had written a thank you note to me.  I believe that's how things should be and when she does things for me I am thankful for her help as well.

I'm happy you are getting to do something for your GS (do you think you should invlude crayons?  HA!).  Anna, I don't know what to think, but if it were me I would be hurt.  Bike's aren't inexpensive gifts and going out of my way like that, I believe deserves a thank you.  Did you ever get to ask her what upset her about the bike?

Go spoil that GS and have a wonderful Easter!  I always gave Christmas PJ's too!  I believe the kids all liked having something new to sleep in and wear - yes even the boys.  And, chocolate bunny's seem to make their eyes get sooo big!  HAHA!

Have a happy Easter!  Go spoil him Anna! 

cocobars

  • Guest
Re: Easter
« Reply #3 on: April 02, 2010, 05:32:58 AM »
I'm sorry Anna, and I just don't understand it.  When I bought the ATV, my son picked it out.  He couldn't afford it either, but I told GS that it was from both Gamma and Daddy.  My son started to tell GS it was from me, and corrected him.  It was a joint effort, he chose it and I paid - that's joint.  He smiled.  I just don't get the problem and it would really hurt me too.  I don't think I would do it again either.

I can't help but wonder what the issue is.  If it was me, I would have to ask, simply to avoide the outbursts and waste of money in the future.  Has your hubby thought of asking son that when they have their talks?

I'm at a loss with so many of these DIL's on here...

Sending bigger PINGS!!!

2chickiebaby

  • Guest
Re: Easter
« Reply #4 on: April 02, 2010, 05:49:14 AM »
I just lost my whole reply so have to start over.
It's funny Coco, I just asked my hubby the other day if he would talk to son about the bike.  This was a gift that we bought out of love.  Why has he not learned to ride this bike.  Where is the bike??  Why does dil not want her children to have happy times unless she is included??  I don't get that & never will.  If you love uour children, don't you want them to be happy with or without you??   ???   :-\

But Anna, if your DH talks to your son, he might tell the DIL.  She will hold that against you forever. (please forgive
my jaded thoughts).  I have had 2 of the weirdest relationships ever to exist.  Bad things happen to us when we talk
to our sons. It might be different for you, though.

cocobars

  • Guest
Re: Easter
« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2010, 05:54:09 AM »
Anna, I absolutely agree with you!  That's why I'm so perplexed at some of the DIL's of the women here!  I just don't get it...

I've heard women talking about their DIL's having alcoholic family members, and dysfunctional families, etc., but my DIL has all that and we don't have a problem.  I just don't understand it, other than maybe different people have different reactions to life experiences.  My only guess is that there is something there that needs counselling, but I could be wrong about it. 

I've been here for a few months now, and I've gotten to know a little about your personality.  I just think your DS and DIL are very lucky to have you and DH.  My best guess is that your new FDIL will be someone that will understand you and invite your involvement in her life with DS, and any GC that may come from their marriage.  I'm praying REAL HARD for that.  You deserve so much more than you're getting!  Just keep loving, smiling and think positive thoughts.  And throw out the negative ones. 

Hope

  • Guest
Re: Easter
« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2010, 07:45:05 PM »
Anna,
Every time I read your posts my blood pressure rises because it's just so unfair.  IMHO your dil needs counseling - she is apparently dealing with childhood issues that are affecting her current relationships.  The question is, how in the world can you get her to go since it is entirely her decision?  Her reactions and behavior are not rational.  I'm so sorry you (and dh/ds/gc) have to suffer at her hands.  I hope you can enjoy your time with them on Easter.  Sending love and hugs.......Hope

Marilyn

  • Guest
Re: Easter
« Reply #7 on: April 04, 2010, 05:07:19 AM »
Wishing every one a Happy Easter!!!

cocobars

  • Guest
Re: Easter
« Reply #8 on: April 04, 2010, 06:53:23 AM »
Nice to see you here, Mominwaiting!  I hope your easter is happy too!  Thank you!

Big hugs coming your way....   I hope you feel them!

OH!  and PINGS too!

willingtohelp

  • Guest
Re: Easter
« Reply #9 on: April 04, 2010, 03:50:15 PM »
Anna, the more I hear about your DIL, the more I'm convinced I'm right about my theory.  I can see why the bike would be an issue for her.  Here's how I see her mind working...she didn't have a good childhood, had a crummy mom.  She's determined to be the best mom she can be, to give her kid what she didn't have.  But she doesn't know what that is, she just knows it's not what she had.  So where does she get her model for "the perfect mom"?  From movies, TV, and other pop culture.  And what is always protrayed....the holidays with mom and dad doing the Santa and Easter thing, the first bike, the first tooth, etc.  It's almost like she has a mental checklist of "must do's or my kids' childhood will be like mine".  And if they're not checked (or checked by someone else) then she's 'failed" as a mom.  I actually feel bad for both you and your DIL.  Your DIL because she's so insecure and really needs someone to reassure her that she's not a bad mom, and you because you're getting beaten up because you're a good mom (and being a good grandma).  I really just want to hug both of you.  The thing that eats me up is that I think you could actually have a great relationship if she could just become a bit more confident.   

I remember when DD was born, she had a little trouble in the beginning, so the took her to the nursery to double check her breathing & suction her better.  While she was there, she had a ditry diaper, and they changed it.  As soon as I could, I went to the nursery, and they told me that they'd changed her diaper.  With everything going on (just gave birth & only got to hold the baby for a few minutes, when I'd planned to room in and breatfeed immediately after birth), I just cried.  The nurse asked why I was crying, and I said "what type of mother am I that I didn't even change her first diaper?"  Fortunately, I had a great nurse who reminded me that I was the mom who cared enough to cry that I didn't get to and would love changing all the others that came after it.  And even though I have the confidence to know (at least when I'm not hormonal) that missing that first diaper doesn't make me a bad mother, I still get a little teary.  So I can empathize a bit with your DIL.  If she could only get the confidence in herself to realize that it's not "buying the first bike" that's the great part, it's spending time with the kids when they're riding it.  It's like she thinks it's the event that matters to her kids, not the fact that they're spending time with her. And that's probably true from her childhood because the event was more enjoyable than being with mom.  Actually, thinking about this is making me a bit teary.   

I don't know if playgroups have always been like a repeat of jr high, but so many women compare themselves to each other and are just looking to put other mothers down and make themselves feel superior.  You bottle feed. you're a terrible mother, you only breastfed till 1 year, terrible mother, you breastfed past one year, how weird, you're a terrible mother, you use X brand of diapers, you're a terrible mother.  You don't follow Dr. Y. youre a terrible mother.  It's hard for me to deal with, and I'm fairly confident about my choices.  If I were insecure, I can't imagine doing it.  And in turn you start mentally comparing yourself to other people and putting yourself down before they can do it, so she's programmed to look at other moms, including you, and compare herself.  And you've had kids, you have experience, you are confident, so she's going to feel insecure.  I don't have any solutions for you, but just hugs and a hope that things work out. 

2chickiebaby

  • Guest
Re: Easter
« Reply #10 on: April 04, 2010, 04:15:13 PM »
Anna, the more I hear about your DIL, the more I'm convinced I'm right about my theory.  I can see why the bike would be an issue for her.  Here's how I see her mind working...she didn't have a good childhood, had a crummy mom.  She's determined to be the best mom she can be, to give her kid what she didn't have.  But she doesn't know what that is, she just knows it's not what she had.  So where does she get her model for "the perfect mom"?  From movies, TV, and other pop culture.  And what is always protrayed....the holidays with mom and dad doing the Santa and Easter thing, the first bike, the first tooth, etc.  It's almost like she has a mental checklist of "must do's or my kids' childhood will be like mine".  And if they're not checked (or checked by someone else) then she's 'failed" as a mom.  I actually feel bad for both you and your DIL.  Your DIL because she's so insecure and really needs someone to reassure her that she's not a bad mom, and you because you're getting beaten up because you're a good mom (and being a good grandma).  I really just want to hug both of you.  The thing that eats me up is that I think you could actually have a great relationship if she could just become a bit more confident.   

I remember when DD was born, she had a little trouble in the beginning, so the took her to the nursery to double check her breathing & suction her better.  While she was there, she had a ditry diaper, and they changed it.  As soon as I could, I went to the nursery, and they told me that they'd changed her diaper.  With everything going on (just gave birth & only got to hold the baby for a few minutes, when I'd planned to room in and breatfeed immediately after birth), I just cried.  The nurse asked why I was crying, and I said "what type of mother am I that I didn't even change her first diaper?"  Fortunately, I had a great nurse who reminded me that I was the mom who cared enough to cry that I didn't get to and would love changing all the others that came after it.  And even though I have the confidence to know (at least when I'm not hormonal) that missing that first diaper doesn't make me a bad mother, I still get a little teary.  So I can empathize a bit with your DIL.  If she could only get the confidence in herself to realize that it's not "buying the first bike" that's the great part, it's spending time with the kids when they're riding it.  It's like she thinks it's the event that matters to her kids, not the fact that they're spending time with her. And that's probably true from her childhood because the event was more enjoyable than being with mom.  Actually, thinking about this is making me a bit teary.   

I don't know if playgroups have always been like a repeat of jr high, but so many women compare themselves to each other and are just looking to put other mothers down and make themselves feel superior.  You bottle feed. you're a terrible mother, you only breastfed till 1 year, terrible mother, you breastfed past one year, how weird, you're a terrible mother, you use X brand of diapers, you're a terrible mother.  You don't follow Dr. Y. youre a terrible mother.  It's hard for me to deal with, and I'm fairly confident about my choices.  If I were insecure, I can't imagine doing it.  And in turn you start mentally comparing yourself to other people and putting yourself down before they can do it, so she's programmed to look at other moms, including you, and compare herself.  And you've had kids, you have experience, you are confident, so she's going to feel insecure.  I don't have any solutions for you, but just hugs and a hope that things work out.

Clover, that is such good reasoning!!!  I think you're right.  The people get their role models from TV and the Movies today
and without a good Mom, this young woman is getting her info from the wrong places.

When we were having kids, the worst thing done to me was everyone in my age group acting like they had it all together.
No one would admit they ever had any problems at all with their babies.  Everything was just peachy keen.

Very hard to deal with at that time.  I was humiliated at the slightest things...so afraid to be different than the rest of them.
I'm telling you, now?  these perfect people have owned up to all that went wrong for them at the time.  I wish to
Heaven they had shared that with me.  I could have saved my sanity, I think if I had had some friends who were
having some issues too.

The movies and TV were mild at the time so that wasn't an issue.  Now, one of our friend's daughters in our circle
committed suicide this week at her university.  She was to graduate this May!  This is the second one who's done that from the working circle of my
husband's.  Is that sad or what?


Hope

  • Guest
Re: Easter
« Reply #11 on: April 05, 2010, 07:17:00 PM »
What does everyone do for the GC's for Easter?  Do you get to see them?

I'm excited because I get to have my GS again this weekend.  Last weekend I bought him an ATV and he rode it all over the community.  I don't think I've ever seen his eyes so big!  He has some toys for inside the house (for winter), but had nothing for outside play, other than walking to the park nearby.  Nothing wrong with the park though.  It has a new playground and a carosel, ducks to feed, snacks and picnic tables and boat rides.  The fact that I had nothing there for him to do outside spurred a shopping trip and it was well worth it! 

That was supposed to be his easter present, but I just couldn't wait.  It was so nice out, so he got it early.  I know it's alot, but have warned my son that it cuts back on everything else I can help with.  Anyway, I've been saving some stuff up, eggs, candy to fill them, a basket.  So I thought I would have an easter egg hunt.  I always did this for my kids and GC, but this year it will only be for one.  I know the ATV was alot and I don't want to spoil him, but Gramma's can do that sometimes, right?

Anyway, just wondered what everyone else is doing.  The weather here is supposed to be nice!
Welllllllllllll.....we did get to visit with our ds, dil, and fgc (and our faithful dd's, sil, and fsil).  A friend of mine said to be sure to talk to my gc in dil's belly area, but that's not going to happen.  I won't be getting near her preggo belly, but I did get to see them at our extended family gathering.  DIL kept her distance, but I must say that she is very clever, witty, and creative.  I probably totally bore her.  It was fun to give our dc, dil/sil, and fgc little gifts, though.   
Our weather was beautiful and we had Easter egg hunts on both sides of the family.  The food was yummy, too.
What about everyone else?
« Last Edit: April 05, 2010, 07:19:18 PM by Hope »

2chickiebaby

  • Guest
Re: Easter
« Reply #12 on: April 05, 2010, 07:43:01 PM »
What does everyone do for the GC's for Easter?  Do you get to see them?

I'm excited because I get to have my GS again this weekend.  Last weekend I bought him an ATV and he rode it all over the community.  I don't think I've ever seen his eyes so big!  He has some toys for inside the house (for winter), but had nothing for outside play, other than walking to the park nearby.  Nothing wrong with the park though.  It has a new playground and a carosel, ducks to feed, snacks and picnic tables and boat rides.  The fact that I had nothing there for him to do outside spurred a shopping trip and it was well worth it! 

I'm so glad, Hope....at least it was tolerable.  I don't understand what goes on in the DIL's heads.  It's like they think
there's a mote around their own little family and no others can get in.  The Mother of the son's relationship should
end, in their minds, when they are married.  That does not apply to their own Mother's of course, who are just perfect. 
Their Mothers are so tolerant and loving and are never demanding of time with them.  Why should she?  She has an all
access pass to her Daughter.

 At least you had fun...good for you!

That was supposed to be his easter present, but I just couldn't wait.  It was so nice out, so he got it early.  I know it's alot, but have warned my son that it cuts back on everything else I can help with.  Anyway, I've been saving some stuff up, eggs, candy to fill them, a basket.  So I thought I would have an easter egg hunt.  I always did this for my kids and GC, but this year it will only be for one.  I know the ATV was alot and I don't want to spoil him, but Gramma's can do that sometimes, right?

Anyway, just wondered what everyone else is doing.  The weather here is supposed to be nice!
Welllllllllllll.....we did get to visit with our ds, dil, and fgc (and our faithful dd's, sil, and fsil).  A friend of mine said to be sure to talk to my gc in dil's belly area, but that's not going to happen.  I won't be getting near her preggo belly, but I did get to see them at our extended family gathering.  DIL kept her distance, but I must say that she is very clever, witty, and creative.  I probably totally bore her.  It was fun to give our dc, dil/sil, and fgc little gifts, though.   
Our weather was beautiful and we had Easter egg hunts on both sides of the family.  The food was yummy, too.
What about everyone else?

2chickiebaby

  • Guest
Re: Easter
« Reply #13 on: April 05, 2010, 08:10:11 PM »
Dear Hope,
I tried to write you something about your Easter....it got all tangled up in the post!  It is inside the quote of yours.  DUH!

I don't know how that happened. 

Hope

  • Guest
Re: Easter
« Reply #14 on: April 05, 2010, 08:34:01 PM »
Reply from Chickie:
I'm so glad, Hope....at least it was tolerable.  I don't understand what goes on in the DIL's heads.  It's like they think
there's a mote around their own little family and no others can get in.  The Mother of the son's relationship should
end, in their minds, when they are married.  That does not apply to their own Mother's of course, who are just perfect. 
Their Mothers are so tolerant and loving and are never demanding of time with them.  Why should she?  She has an all
access pass to her Daughter.

 At least you had fun...good for you!


My dd's/sil and I are trying to get together with ds/dil to plan a couple shower (mostly b/c dil wanted a couples shower and wanted to be involved in planning).  We tried to get together last Friday night b/c time is growing short.  Ds/dil couldn't make it b/c they took the day off work to paint dil's parents' stairwell and carpet their stairs.  However, our meeting would have been in the evening and they took off work during the day.  I guess dil's parents' got them all day AND all night.  Just like Chickie said.

I'm learning to just accept their decisions since I don't have control over them.  I keep telling myself to not expect anything (helps with the disappointment factor). 

Oh well, when our gc comes we will have something positive to share and things should improve (I hope).  Yippee!

Hugs, Hope