Author Topic: Luise's Worry Post  (Read 13136 times)

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cocobars

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Luise's Worry Post
« on: March 31, 2010, 04:26:25 PM »
Luise, I just wanted to take a moment to let you know that you are someone very special and I know what a hard day today has been.  I haven't been down the road you're on, but I know it must seem very frustrating to you.  I think anything we don't have any experience with gives us new knowledge, even though it's hard to do (or know what is right to do at the time).  I do want you to know that I'm here (like a bad penny LOL!), but I'm still here thinking about your hard day.  I do know that you have a heavy heart and I do want you to come back through here each day on your very own post, so you can see all the love and support you have created in this site through the women you have shared your thoughts and understanding with. 

We look up to you for your wisdom and experience.  Sometimes we call on you for help when we don't know what to do, and you're always there with a kind and loving word and some very wise advice.  I hope when you are here you will find so many replies to this post, supporting you and loving you back!

It's your turn and we are all here!  I know I am...

Thinking of you today and sending love and tight hugs...

Offline Pen

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Re: Luise's Worry Post
« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2010, 04:43:53 PM »
Luise, I'm thinking of you. I know it's hard, but you are doing this because it is the best thing for Val. Love to you both.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

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Re: Luise's Worry Post
« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2010, 05:45:04 PM »
I really am so very sorry, Luise.  Val has been cared for in such a loving way.  You are in my prayers and so is he..... :'(

Hope

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Re: Luise's Worry Post
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2010, 05:55:08 PM »
Luise, I feel for you as you make this heart wrenching move.  You are a wonderful wife and Val is so blessed to have someone who loves him so much.  I know you will continue to be there for him and you will have help now with monitoring throughout the night (and day when you aren't there).  My love and prayers are with you and Val.  We are only a click away...........
Hugs, Hope

momX3

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Re: Luise's Worry Post
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2010, 08:00:50 PM »
Luise,

All of your "wise women" are here to support you.
So remember, you are not alone.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.


Offline luise.volta

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Re: Luise's Worry Post
« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2010, 09:54:56 PM »
Thank you so much...all of you. Here's how our day went. I just wrote this for our family members:

I moved Val into nursing today. I went over and told our social worker we were ready. She asked "when" and I just went for it...(mostly because we dreaded it so much.) Val's level of confusion and my level of stress left us no real choice and we probably should have done it some time ago. We knew when we celebrated our 21st anniversary on Monday that this was eminent. We just wanted to reach that benchmark while we were still together.

It was horrible and they were wonderful. I pretty much cried all day...which is a lifetime record for me. Lots of paperwork, faxes and phone calls. One type of medigap insurance canceled and a new policy for those in long-term care initiated...both with "Evercare"...plus a new doctor. I had to take in all kinds of documentation and then while they were spinning the wheels amazingly smoothly and lovingly, Val and I took a drive around Camano Island and planned future Wednesday adventures involving State Parks and car picnics.

He is terribly sorry and I am terribly sorry. He feels he has been a crushing burden and I feel I have failed to be the wife I wanted to be and we both agreed that neither of us is to blame. It just" is how it is."

They came over and got his recliner and put it in his room for him and he liked that. (I do not like the hole in the living room.) I went back and forth with documents, clothes and toilet articles and my poor foot feels like it has been dancing since dawn. I had dinner with Val in the dining room in nursing tonight and we agreed that we would have a "dinner date" every evening. He is confused in his new surroundings and I am bereft in our empty house.

They had two beds open and showed me both. In between the two rooms I had violent diarrhea while walking. A very, very difficult day. I picked the best room by far...where he is by a window and by the bathroom. The other room was an either/or. His room mate is a lovely man. About as able and aware as Val is and nearly as sweet, I think. He's a quiet guy and not a TV person which really pleased Val.

I don't know what else to say. I am so tired I can hardly move. "Me, Too" (14 year-old chihuahua) is going around and around the house looking for Val even though I have had him over there twice to see where he is and be held by his good buddy. (It's just 1/2 a block away.)

I know you all care and that helps.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

2chickiebaby

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Re: Luise's Worry Post
« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2010, 03:57:50 AM »
Luise, I am just so very sorry about this transition in your life. Such a hard blow for both of you.  You having it worse
because your sorrow is mixed with so much guilt too.  I know that as time goes by, this 1/2 block (such a blessing) will be
well trod and Val will settle in.  I think you will be relieved and more able to focus.  "Me Too" will get used to just you, wish we
could be more like these angels!! and Val will too.  I know it's the hardest thing on earth to do.  This is something all
of us will face at some point and you are being a wonderful guide for us. Sending much love at this critical time!! :'(



Thank you so much...all of you. Here's how our day went. I just wrote this for our family members:

I moved Val into nursing today. I went over and told our social worker we were ready. She asked "when" and I just went for it...(mostly because we dreaded it so much.) Val's level of confusion and my level of stress left us no real choice and we probably should have done it some time ago. We knew when we celebrated our 21st anniversary on Monday that this was eminent. We just wanted to reach that benchmark while we were still together.

It was horrible and they were wonderful. I pretty much cried all day...which is a lifetime record for me. Lots of paperwork, faxes and phone calls. One type of medigap insurance canceled and a new policy for those in long-term care initiated...both with "Evercare"...plus a new doctor. I had to take in all kinds of documentation and then while they were spinning the wheels amazingly smoothly and lovingly, Val and I took a drive around Camano Island and planned future Wednesday adventures involving State Parks and car picnics.

He is terribly sorry and I am terribly sorry. He feels he has been a crushing burden and I feel I have failed to be the wife I wanted to be and we both agreed that neither of us is to blame. It just" is how it is."

They came over and got his recliner and put it in his room for him and he liked that. (I do not like the hole in the living room.) I went back and forth with documents, clothes and toilet articles and my poor foot feels like it has been dancing since dawn. I had dinner with Val in the dining room in nursing tonight and we agreed that we would have a "dinner date" every evening. He is confused in his new surroundings and I am bereft in our empty house.

They had two beds open and showed me both. In between the two rooms I had violent diarrhea while walking. A very, very difficult day. I picked the best room by far...where he is by a window and by the bathroom. The other room was an either/or. His room mate is a lovely man. About as able and aware as Val is and nearly as sweet, I think. He's a quiet guy and not a TV person which really pleased Val.

I don't know what else to say. I am so tired I can hardly move. "Me, Too" (14 year-old chihuahua) is going around and around the house looking for Val even though I have had him over there twice to see where he is and be held by his good buddy. (It's just 1/2 a block away.)

I know you all care and that helps.

willingtohelp

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Re: Luise's Worry Post
« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2010, 04:06:13 AM »
Luise,

I've been praying for you and Val, and I will continue to do so.  Sometimes the best thing to do is the hardest thing to do.  (((HUGS)))

cremebrulee

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Re: Luise's Worry Post
« Reply #8 on: April 01, 2010, 04:21:56 AM »
ahhhhh Luise...Bless you both....my heart goes out to you and your both in my prayers...I know how hard this is for both of you Luise...my mother took care of her 91 year old dad for a long time.  It got to be way to difficult for her, she had to lift him, and clean him constantly and she was just a little bitty thing.  It broke her heart to have to make that same decision...however we all rallied by her side, assuring her, that there was nothing more she could do at home...she told me, it was the hardest decision she ever had to make....however, she knew he was being cared for, much better then she could give him at that point, and that is what you have to remember Luise...you have done more them most, your the best wife, Val is very fortunate to have you...it is a very hard road to be a care giver... very hard....however, you don't think of it that way, as you love that person dearly and would do anything within your power to care for them.....and Luise, you did...and Val knows that...and loves you and appreciates you for it...believe me...and remember, you both made this decision together....My mother's father was pretty much out of it...so, he had no say, but we're all sure, if he were aware, he would have agreed two fold.

Luise, knowing you, you've put everything else first...Val, your life, your children, us...now, it's time to realize, that Val's needs are beyond your capabilities...you didn't fail him as a wife, you both reached out for help, much needed help and that's OK.  Remember, please, sometimes we are more effective caregivers when you care for the caregiver first....I know right now that may not make any sense, but please realize, if you can...As a caregiver, when you care for yourself, you increase and improve your own caring. Yes, guilt is part of caregiving, but where you are concerned, there is not one ounce of room for guilt, as you did everything humanly possible....believe it and say it over and over again....  Think about if it were you, instead of Val, , what would you want? 

Dearheart Luise...what your going thru is agonizing...painful, however, you have to believe, it's the best place for Val...you have to believe that, and in the meantime, know, we all love you dearly...and will pray for you both. 

God will see you thru this, and we are with you every step of the way....if you need us, we're here for you....I pray you know peace in your heart, darlin, you both need help now....so you made the right move and transition for everyone involved....

Love to you both
« Last Edit: April 01, 2010, 04:29:25 AM by cremebrulee »

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Luise's Worry Post
« Reply #9 on: April 01, 2010, 06:42:55 AM »
Tender, loving Wise Women. I'm so grateful that you walk with me.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

cocobars

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Re: Luise's Worry Post
« Reply #10 on: April 01, 2010, 10:49:37 AM »
Wouldn't want to be anywhere else...

Sassy

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Re: Luise's Worry Post
« Reply #11 on: April 01, 2010, 02:39:23 PM »
Luise... thank you.  Thank you for sharing.  Thank you for being you.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.  You're such a good wife to Val, such a good wife.
I felt like I was in the hallway with you, picking a room. 

I'm glad he's not far away, but I cried when I read about the hole in your living room.

I hope you have a nice dinner date tonight.  This is one transition that has so much love in it.
Thinking of you.

Love, Sassy

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Luise's Worry Post
« Reply #12 on: April 01, 2010, 03:07:30 PM »
Thank you so much. My son (our webmaster, Kirk) is here (WA) from Kauai and is going to bring over a glider rocker and footstool. That will help a lot. Its a nice set that I gave him when we got Val his leather recliner. That will help.

I just came back from signing reams of papers and taking over more clothes, etc. I set up his Digital Picture Frame so he can watch a slide show of the family whenever he wants to. I am so tired I could drop because I've been pushing myself so hard for so long.

I know better days are ahead and I so appreciate the support!
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

cremebrulee

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Re: Luise's Worry Post
« Reply #13 on: April 01, 2010, 06:50:04 PM »
Hi Luise,
You sound better today...I was wondering about you...I'm glad your son is there with you...it does help, doesn't it...he sounds like a terrific son...caring and very concerned...Please take care of yourself, and know your in my prayers...

Hugs and luv
Creme

Hope

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Re: Luise's Worry Post
« Reply #14 on: April 01, 2010, 07:08:01 PM »
Dearest Luise,
Thank you for the update - I hung on every word.  Just know that we are all holding your hand as you go through this transition.  You did the right thing - Creme put it so well, "Think about if it were you, instead of Val, what would you want?"  So often the stress the caregiver experiences causes them to end up in worse shape than the one getting the care.  I loved how Sassy wrote, "I felt like I was in the hallway with you, picking a room."  We are with you every step of the way.  I'm certain you are feeling our love and hugs.  Hope