Author Topic: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?  (Read 2087 times)

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Offline pam1

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MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« on: December 21, 2011, 12:37:33 PM »
I'm fairly certain I've made a long time boo boo.  Just not sure how to rectify it, I grew up calling everyone Mr./Mrs.  So when DD (child from previous relationship met the in laws, she did the same.)  When we were engaged the parent in laws started referring to themselves as Grandma/Grandpa to DD, so that solved that.

It's also in my culture just to call the in laws Mom and Dad or whatever version of Mom and Dad they use.  However, my SILs firmly do not like this and stated so early on.  Since they were family I felt awkward calling them Mr./Mrs. so I call them Grandma and Grandpa.  (don't laugh at me! I didn't know what else to do!)

So, the other day I caught my MIL giving me a strange look when I called her Grandma, and it hit me like a ton of bricks....I've been probably insulting her for years.

What's your take?  And what would you prefer your children in law call you?
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline FAFE

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Re: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2011, 01:31:10 PM »
Both my SIL and DIL call us Fafe and Granddaddy.  Fafe is a childhood nickname of mine and my daughter always said if she had children that is what they would call me, so here we are!

Offline Doe

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Re: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2011, 07:26:06 AM »
My DIL called my by my name and that was ok.

Offline Scoop

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Re: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2011, 07:40:48 AM »
I don't think my IL's like that I call them by their first names, but we're all grown-ups here.

Offline Doe

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Re: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« Reply #4 on: December 22, 2011, 08:20:40 AM »
It seems to be a matter of respect, isn't it?  What does the person want to be called?

DIL has a nickname.  Once, I addressed her with her other name (the name without the diminutive on the end)  and she called me down immediately, corrected me so I respected her wishes to address her as such.

When it came to naming me as a GM, I she wanted to call me something that depresses me and I asked for another name.  She couldn't say the name I wanted without starting to say the other name first.   

I think I've told this story enough  :P but all my plans are cancelled today because of the foot of snow outside with more coming!  I woke up to DH spinning his wheels in the driveway.  Shoveled him out, then shoveled out our car but the streets aren't plowed.  It's going to be a white Christmas here.

Offline Pooh

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Re: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2011, 08:28:33 AM »
I want a white Christmas!!!!! 

Pam, I went through stages.  I called my ILs Mr. and Mrs. while dating, until they told me one day I could call them by their first names.  After the kids, we called them Nanny and Papaw (the names they chose).

I never asked about the Nanny and Papaw, just did it and they didn't seem to mind.  If they had looked at me funny?  I probably would have said, "Oh I'm sorry.  Would you prefer I still call you by your first names?"

As far as myself, I have told all GFs, friends, the boys friends, etc. when they start off with Mrs. that they can call me my first name.

I guess I have never thought to be offended by either?
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline pam1

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Re: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« Reply #6 on: December 22, 2011, 11:16:24 AM »
Yeah, you are all right, I should have just asked what she would like.  Next time I will, even though it's going to be awwwwwkward LOL.  Brought it on myself I suppose though.

Pooh, that's what usually happens here too, people tell you what to call them.  So probably I was just waiting for the invitation to call them by their first name or whatever they would like.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline Pooh

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Re: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2011, 11:20:23 AM »
We have a saying around here at work.  "I'm sorry, my crystal ball isn't working today. Could you just tell me?"
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Beth 2011

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Re: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« Reply #8 on: December 22, 2011, 03:18:20 PM »
Just call them by their first name.....you can tell her you weren't sure what she was comfortable with and just ask her if she wants you to call her by her name or Mom? 

Offline pam1

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Re: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« Reply #9 on: December 23, 2011, 08:10:06 AM »
I'm going to ask her, Beth.  Mom is out of the question, her daughters don't like it.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

JudyJudyJudy

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Re: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2011, 03:15:53 PM »
I like it when people ask me what I want to be called and then they call me that!


Offline pam1

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Re: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« Reply #11 on: December 25, 2011, 11:18:27 AM »
Ok, I asked her and she said whatever I want!  Maybe I misinterpreted her look when I said "grandma."  I don't know, give up lol.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline Pooh

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Re: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« Reply #12 on: December 27, 2011, 05:13:09 AM »
Maybe it just surprised her that you called her that?  Not that she cared that you did, but the look was based on the surprise factor?
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline pam1

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Re: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« Reply #13 on: December 27, 2011, 10:08:07 AM »
Maybe, I've been calling her that for years though lol.  It never occurred to me that it might be insulting b/c I was looking for a family name to call her since Mom was out.  I guess I'll just go the no name route "hey, you!" LOL
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline Pooh

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Re: MILs and Future MILs - what do you like to be called?
« Reply #14 on: December 27, 2011, 11:05:54 AM »
Hee Hee!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell