Author Topic: Mr. Right is turning out to be Mr. Wrong  (Read 1002 times)

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wonderingafter40

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Mr. Right is turning out to be Mr. Wrong
« on: December 17, 2011, 07:21:49 PM »
I was in a 3 1/2 yr relationship. I am 39 with 3 boys and he is turning 44 with 2 boys. We have out own homes but live together. His house for 4 months in the summer and mine the rest of the time. I recently tried to have an adult conversation with my BF about 3 major subjects that have been upsetting me. 1-the lack of intimacy, 1-2 times a month for the past 6 months. He does have a hernia but seriously, get it taking care of. there is aways an excuse that he doesnt have medical insurance and cant take off work at the family business to handle his medial issue. 2nd-i brought up marriage, is this relationship moving forward or not. Not as an ultimatum but purely so i can make a decision abt how i want to move forward. and 3rd-we have 2 homes and its not financially dueable to pay 2 mortgages and utilities when we can only use 1, his house is a mess, has been under construction for over 2 yrs. I'm looking for a plan on how to move forward, He tried to say how things just arent moving fast enough for me, but really, its been 3 1/2 yrs not 3 months. he has told me he is fixing his house n selling it but has no drive and ambition to do so...His parents live abt 1 mile from his house out in the country n his mom is dead set against him selling b/c she wants to keep him close to her...he has a horrific school district and i have a special needs child n live in a much better district. I will NEVER live in his small town yr round and i have msde that cleasr. His initial idea that he has sd over n over is that we sell both homes n get 1 together with the 5 children. Problem is he has been dragging his feet...
since i confronted him bout my 3 concerns he has moved back to his house n sends nasty, accusational text messages...just pure nonsense n mean. I dont feel im a priority for him and he wold rather appease his parents than move on n take our relationship to the next level, marriage....nobody wants a mammas boy, especially in there 40's....He's irrational and cant hold an adult conversation...my problem is, when we are good, we are really good. I think of his as my best friend, can depend on him to be supportive and is wonderful with my children. Another problem is when i confront him with a concern or something is bothering me he shuts down and hides. He hasnt been with me in abt 2 weeks, he would rather text than have a conversation...his brother is staying at my house and my BF dumped him here and gets upset if i hang out with him or drive him places....brother cant drive. he's very jealous, makes accusations and believes him....im at the point now where should i make the decision to cut all ties with this man that i love and thought i had a future with? he's wonderful and caring with my children....I truly dont no how to even start to open communication with him...undecided whether to throw away 3 1/2 yrs or try n salvage something that i dont no is worth saving anymore. i love the man i fell in love with, but the jealous person he turned into is ruining us....any advice???  Oh I left out the fact that he monitors my phone. placed GPS on me and I feel I have no privacy. That everything i do is being monitored....

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Mr. Right is turning out to be Mr. Wrong
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2011, 07:27:22 PM »
Welcome - My take is that you can love someone you can't live with. It isn't working. Move on a get yourself a life. He's a loser.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Gidget

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Re: Mr. Right is turning out to be Mr. Wrong
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2011, 07:35:26 PM »
Monitoring your phone and placed a GPS on you, I would get the heck out of there.   Get back in your own house with your 3 kids and drop him!

wonderingafter40

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Re: Mr. Right is turning out to be Mr. Wrong
« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2011, 07:37:36 PM »
lol thanks for your honesty....he is a good man in general but lately is disappointing with making poor decision that arent helping US and bringing US closer and more united....the last time i saw him was a week ago and he kicked me out of his house. He tries to avoid the hard issues and conversations. saying he works hard all day and doesnt want to talk when he comes home at 7:00. just wants simplicity n peace....how realistic is that if we have serious intimacy issues. I'm only left to feel that its me he isnt attractive to, but he insists thats not the case....Although he has masde NO attempt to reach out to me n rectify the situation....

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Mr. Right is turning out to be Mr. Wrong
« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2011, 07:40:22 PM »
I gotta' tell you, I think you deserve so much better. The more you write, the worse it gets. There is such a thing as a "yah, but…rabbit." (I made it up.) No matter what anyone says, it's …"Yah, but he has his good days…yah, but it might get better." Your self respect will tell you better what to do than any of us can. What kind of role model are you for your sons? Listen to the voice inside you. I think you knew the answer before you posted. I'm rooting for you to sign your own Declaration of Independence. Others may disagree with me, we have a lot of room for varying opinions here. I will leave it to them…because I get mad just thinking about it. Sending love...
« Last Edit: December 17, 2011, 07:48:49 PM by luise.volta »
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

wonderingafter40

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Re: Mr. Right is turning out to be Mr. Wrong
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2011, 07:42:59 PM »
It's hard b/c he does have my heart,,,I am in my own house, thank god. But I truly thought we had a future together.... he spoke about marriage constantly until my divorece actually became final. than nothing....I hate how he runs and hides and doesnt take a problem head on....waits weeks till HE feels like discussing it. I'm getting tired of living on his time...so frustrating

sesamejane

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Re: Mr. Right is turning out to be Mr. Wrong
« Reply #6 on: December 18, 2011, 01:41:15 AM »
I agree with Luise on this one.  This guy is grief, and you deserve better.  Sounds like your kids do to.

Offline Doe

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Re: Mr. Right is turning out to be Mr. Wrong
« Reply #7 on: December 18, 2011, 07:47:08 AM »
It sounded like you came here looking for some encouragement to leave this man but you are defending him when you get the encouragement.

It doesn't sound like you've had quite enough of him so my advice is to keep things the way they are. If you do break it off, your strength and conviction have to come from within.  It doesn't sound like you are there yet. 

Offline Pooh

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Re: Mr. Right is turning out to be Mr. Wrong
« Reply #8 on: December 19, 2011, 06:06:37 AM »
I'm late to the party. First, Welcome. Please read the two posts under Open Me First. One is the Forum Agreement which has to be a fit for this to work…and the other is How This Happened…our history. Nothing wrong with your post, we just ask all new members to do this.  Also, we get hit with quite a bit of spam.  No need to report it to the moderators.  We are all on different time zones and when one of us logs on, we will take care of it.  Thanks.

Ok, so he's sending you nasty texts, tracking you with GPS devices and he just threw you out of his house and you are still having to think about this?
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

newhera

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Re: Mr. Right is turning out to be Mr. Wrong
« Reply #9 on: December 20, 2011, 05:23:19 AM »
I know you'd want the companionship, but if you're turning out miserable then I hope you should move on with your life, you have your kids by your side anyway.