Author Topic: A Letter to Future Daughter-In-Law  (Read 11168 times)

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cremebrulee

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Re: A Letter to Future Daughter-In-Law
« Reply #60 on: March 17, 2010, 03:07:16 PM »
jkm

I wanted to say, that I hope your not offended by my opinion on your letter...I do very much understand where your coming from....You are a very strong and mature woman who is also independent and you don't need to be a member of the group to feel whole...

I was simply trying to point out how confidence, scares people....and I do know, that when I wrote a letter to that effect a long time ago, it hurt and offended feelings...


What ever you do is your choice and believe me, it has to be that way to continue your path...your journey...so, I hope you don't hold it against me...please know, I do care, and wish everyone who comes thru these doors peace and good will...

Creme

jkm426

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Re: A Letter to Future Daughter-In-Law
« Reply #61 on: March 17, 2010, 03:27:19 PM »
No creme....not offended at all.  I don't offend easily.  I guess I thought I wasn't making my point clear or maybe not conveying my situation correctly.
I LOVE this site has various opinions and perspectives from.  What a boring world it would be if we all thought the same.

It took me a long time to find my voice and be comfortable in my own skin.  I zealously guard that, perhaps too much at times..

People treat you how you allow them too.  I stopped allowing anyone to treat me badly because I wanted them to like me or to keep the peace.  I have NEVER been happier than when I can be me.

cremebrulee

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Re: A Letter to Future Daughter-In-Law
« Reply #62 on: March 17, 2010, 03:32:58 PM »
No creme....not offended at all.  I don't offend easily.  I guess I thought I wasn't making my point clear or maybe not conveying my situation correctly.
I LOVE this site has various opinions and perspectives from.  What a boring world it would be if we all thought the same.

It took me a long time to find my voice and be comfortable in my own skin.  I zealously guard that, perhaps too much at times..

People treat you how you allow them too.  I stopped allowing anyone to treat me badly because I wanted them to like me or to keep the peace.  I have NEVER been happier than when I can be me.

Whew, I'm so so glad, thank you...

I do understand every word you say...and know how you feel....and yes, it's so much nicer when you don't have to compromise your identity...I think that is why I will never ever marry again, and it would be so much easier financiallyy if I did..however, I never again, want to live someone else's idea of what my life should be...and when I love, I love hard, so, it's best I just stay away...I know I may be wrong, to be afraid of trusting my heart with someone again, but the last loss put me in a place I never want to be again....

Plus I love my independence...I couldn't stand being smothered...or being a mother to another man....I would need someone very special, who is mature and very independent, and at my age...they're are many widowers looking for a wife, someone to take care of them, and I need someone diverse in knowledge andexperience, cuz I love the arts, travel and talking to people who are intellectually driven....guess you've noticed, I have a hunger for learning...LOL

Thanks to you so much...

Hugs
Creme

jkm426

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Re: A Letter to Future Daughter-In-Law
« Reply #63 on: March 17, 2010, 04:22:16 PM »
Ah creme... the nurse or a purse syndrome...LOL

I NEVER want to marry again either.  I have gotten very selfish in my middle years(50 in 6 weeks).  I don't want to care/worry about someone else's happiness/their life/children.  I want to go when I want, spend(not that there is much to spend)what I want.  Not make the bed, eat popcorn for supper or watch the NFL network for 10 straight hours on a rainy Saturday.

Hugs to you too.......Jan

Offline luise.volta

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Re: A Letter to Future Daughter-In-Law
« Reply #64 on: March 17, 2010, 06:15:15 PM »
Never marry again! I said that and meant it! Retired on a shoestring ($5.50 a month) at 60 and off I went in a small, used motor home...towing an even smaller pick-up behind it.

A friend wanted to introduce me to a "nice guy" recently widowed...(to be a pen-pal) and I said no...I wasn't taking any chances. No-none-of-that-for-me! Didn't ever, ever want to negotiate my life with another person again! No way!

But she kept pressing. And at the time she was trying get him to agree to meet me and he was saying that he just wanted to be left alone and he knew lots of widows...and please, "just some space here." You know the rest, of course...we both said yes at the same time just to shut her up...had five lunches together and got marrried!!! That was 20 years ago!

The first thing he did was buy me a nice, new motor home...based on my promise that if I would do all the driving (he was 78)...setting up and breaking camp...and he would get all the meals and do all of the dog walking. Fair enough! And for six years, we were just a couple of bums off and on! :-) Never say never! But glad I was wrong.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Marilyn

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Re: A Letter to Future Daughter-In-Law
« Reply #65 on: March 17, 2010, 06:34:36 PM »
Luise,I just love this story!!!

And i have always heard,....."you just know when it's right".......I'm sure thats how you felt!!!

Offline luise.volta

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Re: A Letter to Future Daughter-In-Law
« Reply #66 on: March 17, 2010, 06:52:25 PM »
 ;D ;D After we had the five lunches (over a three month period because I was on the road,) my ex-DIL took me to Hawaii to celebrate my 62nd birthday. While we were there, he called and asked me if I liked dating and  I said no!!!  >:( He said he didn't either...so why not get married and get acquainted later?  ;D ;D

We got our license the day I got back and married after right after the three day waiting period!!  :o 8)
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Hope

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Re: A Letter to Future Daughter-In-Law
« Reply #67 on: March 17, 2010, 08:08:00 PM »


The thought of losing any one of my children or my dh is beyond unbearable.  When I was 17 my brother was murdered and I don't know how my parents survived.  I don't think they ever fully recovered.  At the time I thought I was going through just as much as his sister, but once I was a parent, I realized that as a parent it would be even worse for me. 

I can relate to the woman Creme referred to who didn't think she could consider another man in her life after losing her husband - I feel that way about my husband.  No one else could compare.  He is such a blessing to me.

As far as the unsent letter to future dil - well written, but she is wise not to send it.  My sister sent a similar type letter, toned down a bit, to her dil and it was a big mistake.  It caused a lot of hard feelings and I don't recommend it. 

jkm - I just love your humor!!!!!!
[/quote]

Hope, I'm very very sorry to read about your brother....I can't imagine it either...very difficult...and one must have a whole lot of faith to survive that...but people do...and the one thing which probably drives them on is that they know they're child wouldn't want them to suffer....and we'd feel the same way for our children, if we'd pass away....

Hugs to you
[/quote]
Creme,
I just saw your post - I'm behind the times again.  Thanks for your caring words about the loss of my brother.  I will always have a special love for him, but time does heal (he's been gone since 1972). 
Hugs, Hope

Hope

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Re: A Letter to Future Daughter-In-Law
« Reply #68 on: March 17, 2010, 08:09:45 PM »
;D ;D After we had the five lunches (over a three month period because I was on the road,) my ex-DIL took me to Hawaii to celebrate my 62nd birthday. While we were there, he called and asked me if I liked dating and  I said no!!!  >:( He said he didn't either...so why not get married and get acquainted later?  ;D ;D

We got our license the day I got back and married after right after the three day waiting period!!  :o 8)
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.  That's true love. :)  I'm so happy for you both.

cremebrulee

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Re: A Letter to Future Daughter-In-Law
« Reply #69 on: March 18, 2010, 05:25:59 AM »
Never marry again! I said that and meant it! Retired on a shoestring ($5.50 a month) at 60 and off I went in a small, used motor home...towing an even smaller pick-up behind it.

A friend wanted to introduce me to a "nice guy" recently widowed...(to be a pen-pal) and I said no...I wasn't taking any chances. No-none-of-that-for-me! Didn't ever, ever want to negotiate my life with another person again! No way!

But she kept pressing. And at the time she was trying get him to agree to meet me and he was saying that he just wanted to be left alone and he knew lots of widows...and please, "just some space here." You know the rest, of course...we both said yes at the same time just to shut her up...had five lunches together and got marrried!!! That was 20 years ago!

The first thing he did was buy me a nice, new motor home...based on my promise that if I would do all the driving (he was 78)...setting up and breaking camp...and he would get all the meals and do all of the dog walking. Fair enough! And for six years, we were just a couple of bums off and on! :-) Never say never! But glad I was wrong.

well my dear, you found a keeper...he cares and shares...and it sounds like your both so compatible...
me, I'm not looking, quit dating about 8 or 9 years ago.  Luise, I'm so glad you and hubby met, its great to have a good man....I never have, therefore, I don't know what I'm missing, and I'm to set in my ways now....it sounds like JKM and I are a lot a like....

JKM  High fivin ya girl.....LOL
« Last Edit: March 18, 2010, 05:29:17 AM by cremebrulee »

cocobars

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Re: A Letter to Future Daughter-In-Law
« Reply #70 on: March 18, 2010, 05:38:34 AM »
Luise, that's so interesting!  I have thought about selling everything and buying a travel trailer, so I could just go where I wanted to!  I still think about doing that, but not until the kids are all gone!  LOL!  They still seem to need me around, and I never realized it before, but my son is real attached!  I knew he was before marriage, but now he's saying he is not going back into his marriage (many reasons), and has started talking about buying a house together.  I'm thinking, but not real sure that's a good idea.  How was it?  Was it an adventure traveling? 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: A Letter to Future Daughter-In-Law
« Reply #71 on: March 18, 2010, 10:07:04 AM »
Yes, Coco - being a full time Woman-RVer was great. You can read about some of my adventures and learnings on www.MomResponds.com under my two RV categories. It was a wonderful time in my life! I learned about camping clubs, what they have to offer and how different they can be. I met some great people, men and women! Lots of nice retired couples. I scared my sons to death but what the heck...they scared me to death on many occasions! ;D
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher