Author Topic: Serious Question  (Read 6607 times)

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Marilyn

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #15 on: March 09, 2010, 11:16:47 AM »
Maybe she does really feel this way.Some times all of us do things,and other people can perceive things totally different than how we meant it.

How does your husband see it?

Enough

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #16 on: March 09, 2010, 11:17:23 AM »
She knows very well, but sees it as supporting her son instead of breaking up a marriage.

2chickiebaby

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #17 on: March 09, 2010, 11:19:06 AM »
hello?  Huh? 

Okay, she knows what she's doing but is doing this for her son instead of breaking up the marriage? 

Is she trying to break up the marriage? 

Marilyn

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #18 on: March 09, 2010, 11:22:30 AM »
I guess we need more info to what lead up to this..........and don't be afraid to open up.all of us here are looking for answers

Enough

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #19 on: March 09, 2010, 11:24:05 AM »
I am butchering this!  I think I am going to try and write something logical and fair and post it on a new thread...instead of taking over someone else's (sorry for my rudeness OP!!) 

But I think this thread truly answers the original question, why do we post?  Because we want someone to say...HEY I HEAR YOU!!!   

Offline Scoop

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #20 on: March 09, 2010, 11:24:18 AM »
Oh but Chickie - it's NOT your only chance!  There are SO many people out there that need and want loving people in their lives.   Can you volunteer?  My daughter's school is always looking for nice ladies to come and supervise the kids during lunch.  And the kids just adore the lunch ladies.  And I know for a fact that these women are not related to anyone in the school, they just offered and got scooped up.

Are you good with sick people?  older people?  battered women?

You have so much love to give, pass it on and hand it out to everyone else and you'll see, things can only get better.  Maybe your DS needs a little break to ease off the pressure and also to MISS you.  You know the old "you don't know what you have 'til it's gone?"  How can he miss you if you don't leave him be for a while?  Not forever, not cut off or anything, just BUSY with other things and people.

Offline Barbie

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #21 on: March 09, 2010, 11:25:21 AM »
Chickie, You're right to say that dil's are the key to everything and I must add that we have to remember that we are at their mercy. If you have a relashionship with your son and are able to see your grandkids, then consider yourself lucky, as for the dil just ignore her, don't let her get to you, really, that's all we can do.
Assuming that they really want us out of their lives? What can we do? Be happy for all the years we had when they were growing up, be happy that because of the fine upbringing that we gave them they are good members of society, be happy that they can take care of temselves, their wives and children...
« Last Edit: March 10, 2010, 04:39:28 PM by guest1 »

2chickiebaby

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #22 on: March 09, 2010, 11:30:33 AM »
Enough, we do hear you....you have not taken over a thread.  we are not rule bound here.  Thank you for talking to me

2chickiebaby

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #23 on: March 09, 2010, 11:34:03 AM »
Dear Scoop,
I run a business here so I'm very busy, though you'd never know it.  I do have a lot of love to give and i have given it till I'm half dead.

I never bother my sons.  One son's wife used to call all the time till I finally found out that she was the ring leader in ousting our other DIL.  I'm trying

2chickiebaby

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #24 on: March 09, 2010, 11:37:13 AM »
Guest1,
I am happy for them...they are not dependent on us financially.  They have been educated completely and do not need us for that.  I guess that's one reason some of them stick by their parents.  I wish they needed us for something, though.

cremebrulee

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #25 on: March 09, 2010, 11:41:45 AM »
Chickie, to answer your first question. people talk because it makes them feel good. The rest I'm not sure you want to hear. You're right to say that dil's are the key to everything and I must add that we have to remember that we are at their mercy. If you have a relashionship with your son and are able to see your grandkids, then consider yourself lucky, as for the dil just ignore her, don't let her get to you, really, that's all we can do.
Assuming that they really want us out of their lives? What can we do? Be happy for all the years we had when they were growing up, be happy that because of the fine upbringing that we gave them they are good members of society, be happy that they can take care of temselves, their wives and children...

ohhhhh boy, did you say a mouth full, the most horrible plight of a mother and son's relationship is whether or not, the DIL approves...she does hold the key, and she is the one who decides if son continues to have a real relationship with his mom....in most cases that there are problems...in the happy relationships, this isn't really an issue.

I'm very very blessed when I think of my childhood and the family who took me in...God, I could be just like my mother or DIL...at least I know...a happy childhood and a very happy time being a mother...even bearing him was the greatest experience. 

« Last Edit: March 09, 2010, 11:45:38 AM by cremebrulee »

cremebrulee

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #26 on: March 09, 2010, 11:46:16 AM »
I am butchering this!  I think I am going to try and write something logical and fair and post it on a new thread...instead of taking over someone else's (sorry for my rudeness OP!!) 

But I think this thread truly answers the original question, why do we post?  Because we want someone to say...HEY I HEAR YOU!!!

Enough, I think you should post your story...I believe you would recieve a lot of honest and caring feedback....

I hope you do....

Creme

catchingup

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #27 on: March 09, 2010, 01:37:45 PM »
When I look at it objectively, most of it is just fluff (pointed non-gifts, slighting comments, etc) but there was a line crossed, that cannot be uncrossed and it almost cost me my marriage.  I have since decided that non-contact is for the best, and it has truly "unleashed the beast", who has told me that I could never come between a mother and son, and is using everything in her passive/agressive arsenal to prove it.

 I would like you to read the thread "My story with my MIL" and the story I gave on page 2.

My marriage also suffered and if your mother-in-law is making snide comments please I beg of you answer her back on the spot.

Ask her what she means by that or ask her if she is trying to hurt you.--
Sometimes we are so shocked we say nothing.

How I wish I had answered her back sooner than I did. All the things left unsaid are never resolved within us. We carry them with us

To this day I think of some of the things she did and said and I say to myself "What a butch"

I knew it would be wrong to keep her son away from her and I never did.
She was a very controlling person(so was her son for that matter)

I would however, never allow my children to be alone with her because she was a real sergeant major.
I have nothing against children being taught to stand up when an adult enters the room but to make your own children stand up and say"Good evening sir" to their own father is
bull. That is the kind of thing she would have tried.

I did not trust her and was convinced she would go as far as putting my children against me.

She tried to break up our marriage after she realized she had lost control of me.
That was ten years after I met my husband and six years after we were married.

I now have a future daughter-in-law giving me a hard time and all I want to do is  never,ever be an interfering mother-in-law.

Most of the trouble comes from the sons mothers side and I have reached a point where I am thinking"There is no solution"

I do not have Grandchildren yet so I am in no position to say how I would feel if my DIL's kept them away from me. What I do know is that apparently most Grandmothers are besotted with grandchildren.

So I think to myself"I cannot miss something that I dont get involved with"so I will protect myself by not getting close to the Grandchildren

 I mean they will grow up and have a long live in front of them when Grandmothers dont have much time left so why waste time by  having ones life revolve round them.

I know I may sound hard but actually I am a very sensitive person and sensitive to other peoples feelings.

What can I say but that there seems to be no solution.

thesecondwife

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #28 on: March 09, 2010, 01:47:56 PM »
Chicky to answer your question, I think its like my XMIL. No matter who her son marries or dates, she won't like her. Why she won't like his SO I have no idea, but she just won't. She never liked anyone he dated.

So maybe with your DIL, she'll never like her DH's M. Even if she leaves your son and marries Prince William himself, she'll end up hating the Queen just because she is his M.

Its sad, but there are just weird, irrational people out there whose logic makes NO sense. I learned that early on and I'm only 31. :( And those of us who have to deal with them seek out peers who understand. Thus this site and many others.

2chickiebaby

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Re: Serious Question
« Reply #29 on: March 09, 2010, 02:01:21 PM »
I think I stand more of a chance with DDIL (distant DIL) than CDIL, who Iwas a slave to.   They both are pieces of work but I guess we all have some very strange people we have to put up with, Second Wife.

Your story is sad.  I just can't stand drill sargeants.  I think if I had been stronger I could have done better.

I pick up on all things going on, all feelings put out in a room.  It's awful...I bring a lot of this on myself because I am too sensitive.  I don't think any of you or anyone else for that matter knows exactly how sensitive I am.

If it's always "about them", which I'm trying desperately to understand, then a lot of this is "about me" in my picking up signals that may or may not be towards me.