Author Topic: What I did today  (Read 2489 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Barbie

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 295
    • View Profile
What I did today
« on: March 07, 2010, 07:19:42 PM »
As soon as I found out my dil was pregnant I turned one of the rooms in my house into a nursery/little girl's room thinking that GD would be staying with us often, I bought furniture and all kinds of toys for her so that she would have them here when she came, in 1 1/2 years she's only come to our house 4 or 5 times and they brought her own stuff with them, knowing that I have everything, I feel like such a fool, all my dreams have gone out the window. So today I finally decided to get rid of all the little girl's stuff and turned the room into a regular guestroom with DH approval. I never thought I could do it but that room as pretty as it was, was a constant reminder of all the horrible things our DIL has done to us. I'm happy I did it, now we'll have to see their reaction next time they come...

Offline Pen

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4398
    • View Profile
Re: What I did today
« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2010, 07:52:15 PM »
Good for you, Guest! I know it wasn't easy, but you did it. "If it doesn't make you smile, get rid of it!"
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: What I did today
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2010, 05:25:26 AM »
I'm sending you big hugs...yes, it's difficult....and it was time to do what you did, it's a step forward...

I don't know if anyone talked to you about this, but some DIL's view what you did, as trying to take over....

Believe me, I have many friends who did the same, but the difference is, they're DIL are career confident women...and don't care....however, some DIL's it threatens and they are way to possessive of they're children....they fear sharing they're kids. b/c the children may love grandma more?  I know it sounds silly, but it's true...

It's so sad, b/c I remember spending a lot of time with both grandparents...and we were better kids for it...it helped us learn, that there are different rules in different households...and we had many role models....mother who are insecure, do not realize, how much they stagnate they're children, but, they want full control....

It's such a shame they feel that way....and don't realize, they need to get help to overcome those feelings and grow....your entire life is stagnated plus these women stagnate they're own kids lives...

I think every child's parent, should introduce children to as many opportunites that are out there...like music lessons, art, soccor, baseball, riding, even foreign languages...there is nothing more rewarding then to see a child progress as it gives them confidence...and the realization of all the opportunities which are out there...plus it also erases that small town concept, that I grew up with....


Offline Barbie

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 295
    • View Profile
Re: What I did today
« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2010, 06:09:25 AM »
Now looking back, I feel that it was a stupid thing to do but i wanted to do for my GD what my kid's grandparents couldn't do for them. My husband lost his parents when he was young and I lost my mom when I was very young also, my father was the only grandparent my kids knew and he was very loving towards them, but didn't have the money to buy them anything so I wanted my GD to be a little princess, I even bought gold jewelry for her that she has never worn and probably never will. I'm sure my dil thought I was a complete fool, but there's a new me. We have two other children and I hope this bad experience hasn't ruined it for the other two when they decide to have kids.

cocobars

  • Guest
Re: What I did today
« Reply #4 on: March 08, 2010, 06:44:06 AM »
Dear guest1,

I don't think what you did was stupid at all!  I understand where you were coming from and I think it was loving on your part to do that.  I might have done the same thing if I had an extra room.  I can see where the DIL's would be insecure about it though, but I've made similar mistakes also.  I seem to learn the hard way...

I think what you're doing is very healthy for you.  Passing that room each day was a reminder of your hurt feelings, hopefully now you can pass a room that you can use and be proud of!

Hang in there!  Sending you lots of hugs!! :)

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: What I did today
« Reply #5 on: March 08, 2010, 07:17:47 AM »
I don't think what you did was stupid either....you were excited....and in love with your GD, so of course you want to do for her....but, unfortunately, some DIL's see it as a threat?  and by the way, many many Grand parents do the same thing...I didn't do a room however, I bought playpen and little bed for her so they wouldn't have to carry much back and forth....I don't know, it's the way we were raised, right?  I just don't understand why some DIL's are so touchy....I know when I told my girlfriend at work about things that My DIL got upset with me about, she felt, she was just looking for stuff...however, my DIL is super sensitive, and it's difficult talking to her, she doesn't understand that people are not attacking her, that its just simply the way they are....I wish she could develop some self esteem...she's got the heart of a bull, and there isn't anything she couldn't accomplish, however, her low self esteem holds her back...she is fearful of so many things...

« Last Edit: March 08, 2010, 11:27:08 AM by cremebrulee »

Offline Pen

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4398
    • View Profile
Re: What I did today
« Reply #6 on: March 08, 2010, 07:57:53 AM »
Guest1, you erred on the side of love, which is never stupid. All of our children should be so lucky!

I remember when my first was due, an acquaintance from work (who was lonely and had some other issues) glommed (sp?) onto me and it kind of freaked me out. She spent a lot of money on baby gifts and came over every day after the baby was born. However, my gut told me she was harmless, just lonely, and her heart was in the right place. She ended up being one of my children's greatest influences, giving them experiences that we could never have given them. During times of stress she was a huge help. Even though our friendship has cooled since she married and now has grandchildren to spoil, my grown children still think of their time with her fondly. I'm glad I didn't slam the door in her face!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Barbie

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 295
    • View Profile
Re: What I did today
« Reply #7 on: March 09, 2010, 05:40:23 AM »
Thank you all for opening my eyes. I didn't think of it that way but knowing my dil she probably did see it as a threat.

2chickiebaby

  • Guest
Re: What I did today
« Reply #8 on: March 09, 2010, 07:29:35 AM »
Anna, I don't have allergies to cats but know plenty of people who do.  It's not an exaggeration at all. 

We did rooms over too and that was a no no, I now see.  I don't know what the issue is. 

If you are having this kind of life and death struggle, you must take care of Anna first.  Some DILs think we are over acting and they don't believe what we say.  "Your Mother always over-reacts" (I've heard that a zillion times)  Maybe I do and I need to work on that but that's part of my personality which others find "charming"?   Just not her/them.

Of course their parents don't do that, ever.

For instance, I said to my DIL that my husband was so sad for all the stained relationships we have.  He was and still is!!!  Woudn't you know it, husband called her to ask her about something unrelated......she immediately called me to tell me that FIL called her.

Once again, I was over reacting.  It's one of their patterns.  Sorry, but it is.

If I had had a MIL and FIL who went all out for my kids, I'd have rejoiced!!  It would have thrilled me for the kids and would have been a comfort to me just knowing others cared.

My grandfather was elderly at the time and would come by every day with sticky do-nuts for the kids.  I know do-nuts are not good for them but to me, it was his way of showing how much he loved them.

I wish I had him back today!!!   :'(

cocobars

  • Guest
Re: What I did today
« Reply #9 on: March 09, 2010, 01:13:23 PM »
Hey!  What's wrong with candy??  LOL!  I still do that with my GS, and proud of it!  He loves to go grocery shopping and pick out what "he" likes to eat too!  Grandmother's are supposed to spoil their GC, right?  :)

2chickiebaby

  • Guest
Re: What I did today
« Reply #10 on: March 09, 2010, 01:14:50 PM »
Yes, Coco...that's what we're for~~~!! :) Spoiling good.

cocobars

  • Guest
Re: What I did today
« Reply #11 on: March 09, 2010, 01:49:56 PM »
That's what I thought, Chickie!  I'm glad you agree! ;D ;D

RedRose

  • Guest
Re: What I did today
« Reply #12 on: March 09, 2010, 05:43:40 PM »
I also bought a crib and fixed a room up for my first GC , and I bought a car seat too. I never even thought about how dil would feel...she probably didn't like it at the time. When she had her second child (not my son's) and they all ended up living with me for a while...all the extra things I bought were needed.

I had my grandson yesterday and today. We had chocolate donuts for breakfast today. lol....I love spoiling him.  8)

RedRose

  • Guest
Re: What I did today
« Reply #13 on: March 09, 2010, 06:23:47 PM »
I'm sure they will be guest1. You did the right thing...for the right reason...for yourself.
I agree with penstamen , "If it doesn't make you smile, get rid of it!"

cocobars

  • Guest
Re: What I did today
« Reply #14 on: March 10, 2010, 04:45:05 PM »
Anna, that's hard to imagine, but I would have been upset too.  I wouldn't know what they could be thinking.  I wonder if they realized if you "really" had an emergency, you would have had to put the kids in the car with no car seats.  Did you have a car there, or was it wilderness...  "Like bear food?"  I'm lost.  Did you talk to them about it?  I'm sorry, I guess I don't understand their thinking either... 

If it was me, they would have had a hard time leaving to go shopping again.  I might offer to pick the items they needed for them, since they didn't trust me with car seats.  At least the chidren would be safe! ;)