Author Topic: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?  (Read 10897 times)

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2chickiebaby

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #15 on: November 13, 2009, 08:06:43 AM »
There doesn't need to be a war, AnnieB.  I know I pointed it out.


just2baccepted

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #16 on: November 13, 2009, 08:23:21 AM »
I noticed the post as well with the name Chickie Prissy and its no secret that it is from Sassy.  And I think everyone can agree that Sassy is not trying to cause  trouble for anyone, she's just looking for support like everyone is.

AnnieB

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #17 on: November 13, 2009, 08:36:04 AM »
I noticed the post as well with the name Chickie Prissy and its no secret that it is from Sassy.  And I think everyone can agree that Sassy is not trying to cause  trouble for anyone, she's just looking for support like everyone is.

*nods in agreement

2chickiebaby

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #18 on: November 13, 2009, 12:13:31 PM »
Do not feel bad for me Anna...but thank you so much.  You are precious.   I was locked out of the site for the time period that I've been gone.

Thank you, Kirk and Luise for getting me back up!  What a nightmare for you, Kirk.

2chickiebaby

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #19 on: November 13, 2009, 12:15:53 PM »
and Kirk...you must be a genius too!! This was a toughie.

2chickiebaby

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #20 on: November 13, 2009, 02:07:42 PM »
I guess that might be at the bottom of all this, Anna.  Sensitive soul....I wonder why this is?  I've seen people who really don't care about anything but themselves and I would love to be like that! 

It would make my life so much easier.  It's ridiculous and I know it is to carry around all this hurt.  Somehow I can't bring myself to dismiss my son from my life.  As time goes by though, I think my heart hardens just a little bit more to it. 

Sure does make Holidays frightening for me!  I get too hurt by the slightest things.  I need to get a grip, don't I? 

I went to that crazy counselor again yesterday.  What is going on here?  Am I trying to really get myself into more trouble?  What a guy, this guy.

He said, "forget them! You're a Lotus.  You know what a Lotus is?"

"okay, I give, what is it?"  (I know it's a flower)

"You're a Lotus growing in muck and you're here to give out love to all the other people around you in spite of growing in muck"!

Earth to me:  What does that mean?  Thanks a whole lot, Dr.  This is what I'm supposed to get from this session? 

I looked around his room and uh huh, you guessed it,  Tony Robbins tapes sitting on his shelf.   He must have listened to one of them because this is good advice but I don't know how this is going to help me.

He told me to let them go, move on....go to others.  Grow in muck and bloom.

Good Lord!   :-\


AnnieB

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #21 on: November 14, 2009, 07:41:00 AM »
There is a difference between cutting someone out of your life and not reacting to them in a way that ruins your life.

The lotus in the muck hasn't cut anyone out of its life.  It is still beautiful, blossoming and rising above the muck it grew out of.

It is a great symbol for those of us who grew out of dysfunctional families and/or find ourselves surrounded by such.  A reminder in a way not to allow ourselves to feel dragged down and ruined now that we are adults, if we feel abused and mistreated by others in our lives.  Not to allow ourselves to fall back into the familiar role of being victimized.   

Not easy to do.  But I am not going to give someone else (even my own children) the power to ruin my life.   There is more to life than that.  We have to find the ways not to give it over ... friends, prayer,  communicating, turning it over to a Higher Power, forgiveness, love, support....

The Lotus Flower is a nice reminder not to be victimized by the mucky treatment.   



« Last Edit: November 14, 2009, 07:51:20 AM by AnnieB »

Offline Pen

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #22 on: November 14, 2009, 09:04:29 AM »
Good morning, fellow travellers - that was beautiful, AnnieB. I'm going to find a picture of a lotus and put in a prominent place. I like your interpretation better than the one from Chickie's guy (no offense, dear Chickie.) I'm not a fan of the cutting unless there's a life-saving reason(gangrene?)

I woke up thinking about us all and our situations. Last night DH & I were snubbed again, but had a great time at the event anyway! But on the way home I mentioned to DH that I was in a quandry about the holidays because of all the snubbing from DIL & her family. He got frustrated over my inability to move on and I ended up feeling unsupported and needy. Yuck. Anyway, it occurred to me this morning that part of my sadness is due to the fact that this is the one thing in my DS's life that we cannot fix.

We fed, clothed and supported him while he was turning into the extraordinary man he is today. When he had a problem we could take care of it or be supportive while he worked through it. Now we're (in DIL & family's eyes) unmotivated, mean, lazy, stupid, uneducated, losers from the sticks (we really aren't, but that's what she's said.)

To fix this so our DS would be in less pain, we would need to become completely different people, and that's where we have to draw the line. It isn't possible. For the first time in his life, we can't fix something. We can't even be supportive in any real way since we can't see him. I'm kind of in shock from this realization.

Lotus, lotus...
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #23 on: November 14, 2009, 09:32:37 AM »
I think all you said is so true, AnnieB.....it's just hard trying to be a Lotus, growing in muck when you have a DIL who glares at you while you're talking.   I forget I'm a flower  ;D

I have to ignore her and believe me, it's hard. She can reduce me to tears with her glares.   But, I do have a lot to be grateful for....




Offline luise.volta

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #24 on: November 14, 2009, 04:14:25 PM »
Hi Dear Friends: My maiden name was Louise Otis and so when I signed things L. Otis, I was getting pretty close!  ;D

In reading this I agree that we can focus on the muck or the sun...we are between the two. And to take the analogy further...what's in the muck? I mean, yes, it's sticky and it smells terrible but it nourishes us. So, when we have these heartbreaking upheavals (yucky rhymes with mucky) we learn, we grow spiritually, we expand...even if we do it kicking and screaming and have the scars to prove that it's no walk in the park. We get to know ourselves better when we are called on to make choices, step up to the plate, let go...whatever. We are more for it, not less.

Loving you all, Luise
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

2chickiebaby

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #25 on: November 15, 2009, 06:24:46 AM »
Hi Louise Otis,
We know you even when your name is not the same!!  We miss you terribly.

I hate to give this counselor any credit at all because he is not the best but when you're hurting, it's so hard not to find someone who is in authority.

In this instance, though, I have to admit he was right about the Lotus and you're right about it too...Lotis.  I have to think about it coming from you and not from him so I can take it in!  :)

2chickiebaby

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #26 on: November 16, 2009, 04:51:13 AM »
I wish I knew if it would get better, Anna.  I know we need to stick together on this site.  It's all we have.   

Penstamen, I can see my DIL in at least two of these things about Bi-Polar.  I can also see myself a little since she came into my life.  No eating disorder in me but a real feeling of discouragement.  Whether it's real or imagined.

I can see myself reacting too much even in the sense that I am hurt for her when close DIL treats her the way she does.  Can't I take a side, for Heaven sake????  It makes me wonder why close DIL treats her this way!  It makes me wonder who's crazy here?   

Invisible

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #27 on: December 21, 2009, 08:05:47 AM »
2chickiebaby (you little flower)

I know the situation is not funny... but thanks for the laugh. Your sense of humor is wonderful. I too wish I could let the situation go....move out of the country and bloom. I just don't think that is possible

2chickiebaby

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #28 on: December 21, 2009, 08:10:56 AM »
Thinking of you, too, Invisible....one of my friends said, "You cannot, not be funny. It's in your DNA"

DIL does not like my humor.  Isn't that perfect?  Just perfect.

Sometimes I want to go to their house and break into song.  Sing something real dramatic and loud. ;D   I can see her face just thinking about it. 

SunnyDays09

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Re: Ann Lander's Survey, Would you have children if you could do it over again?
« Reply #29 on: December 21, 2009, 11:24:02 AM »
There is a difference between cutting someone out of your life and not reacting to them in a way that ruins your life.

The lotus in the muck hasn't cut anyone out of its life.  It is still beautiful, blossoming and rising above the muck it grew out of.

It is a great symbol for those of us who grew out of dysfunctional families and/or find ourselves surrounded by such.  A reminder in a way not to allow ourselves to feel dragged down and ruined now that we are adults, if we feel abused and mistreated by others in our lives.  Not to allow ourselves to fall back into the familiar role of being victimized.   

Not easy to do.  But I am not going to give someone else (even my own children) the power to ruin my life.   There is more to life than that.  We have to find the ways not to give it over ... friends, prayer,  communicating, turning it over to a Higher Power, forgiveness, love, support....

The Lotus Flower is a nice reminder not to be victimized by the mucky treatment.

we iz twinz.