Author Topic: The Blessing Here  (Read 3976 times)

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thesecondwife

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #30 on: February 26, 2010, 09:06:58 AM »
mominwaiting is right. He sounds like he has been brainwashed. In the last part of the abuse signs list, it says your situation is critical if certain things apply. They start acting like their abuser, start to be more quiet around them...etc. My own brother has changed too. He never used to be materialistic and now he and SIL boast about all the things they have. SIL starves herself to look as thin as I am. She dies her hair to be blonde like me. I never knew it was a competition? LOL

cocobars

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #31 on: February 26, 2010, 12:06:36 PM »
mominwaiting is right. He sounds like he has been brainwashed. In the last part of the abuse signs list, it says your situation is critical if certain things apply. They start acting like their abuser, start to be more quiet around them...etc. My own brother has changed too. He never used to be materialistic and now he and SIL boast about all the things they have. SIL starves herself to look as thin as I am. She dies her hair to be blonde like me. I never knew it was a competition? LOL
Ah, that brings to mind the saying "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."  If she is imitating you, then it may be a compliment, but I believe it may be a red flag as well!  I have run up against jealousy and have found that sometimes it is the highest form of flattery and sometimes it's a sign of pathology. I think imitation IS the sincerest form of flattery - if kept in check!  I simply keep it in check!
« Last Edit: February 27, 2010, 03:43:19 PM by cocobars »

cocobars

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #32 on: February 27, 2010, 03:50:11 PM »
LOL!  In case you're wondering, I was struggling with that post and asked Luise for help.  I gave up and copied her words.  But her "sum" was much better than the whole explanation I was struggling with!  HAHAHA!
« Last Edit: February 27, 2010, 03:52:26 PM by cocobars »

2chickiebaby

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #33 on: February 27, 2010, 06:08:39 PM »
I haven't been on in a day or two, realizing that my son is just as bad as my DIL.  Using us all these years for his own pleasure.  The best schools, all he ever wanted.  It has just about broken me and I don't know what to do about it. 

I fell in love with the granchildren, keeping them constantly for CDIL.  Now, they don't need me anymore and I've been thrown out.  This is too much to even speak out loud.  To say it kills me.  I can't believe I'm writing the words but it's true.  So much more to it than I'm able to say but these two are lethal, both of them.  I wonder where you go to get your heart mended? 

I look back and he's been this way all his life.  When he was here, he was so good to us but used us royally. That was okay, though because the sweetness made up for it.  He's changed so much with the money she has.  So high and mighty.  She doesn't like him to care for his brother.  He's afraid of her. This is way too much for me. 

Now, both the boys are out.  DDIL was so awful that we naturally fell for CDIL and there came the destruction of me.  I'm tender hearted and cared deeply for her and the kids. They knew it and both used us to death.  I am heartbroken.  I don't know what to do.   

Offline Pen

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #34 on: February 27, 2010, 07:16:55 PM »
Aiy, Chickie! What happened? You sound like you're having a rough go. I'm thinking of you...I know how it comes on all of a sudden and kicks us in the gut. Two steps forward, one back. Take care, you'll be balanced again.

Dealing with this pain and hurt is so hard because it comes in waves (tsunami reference, very timely) that are sometimes manageable and sometimes too rough to deal with. But if we've survived the first wave, or the biggest wave, or the most surprising wave, we can survive the rest of them (I tell myself...)

As you know, this site is my lifeline. But sometimes a post will trigger a hurt that's been simmering away untended, and it sets me off. I have to be careful to know what's my issue and what's someone else's, and also when I'm not able to deal with others issues 'cos they're so close to my own.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #35 on: February 27, 2010, 07:33:22 PM »
Aw, Pen....nothing really happened except no contact, only thru DIL occasionally. Something just triggered this...I guess it was the narcissist thing.  To know they are both that way has been so hard.  I can't believe this!! 

I guarantee you if I called and said, "let us keep the kids or the dogs", they'd be on it.  I think.  The oldest GD is more into her friends now. That was hard!!  She loved me so.  A gradual decline in her wanting to do things with me.  I guess I've got on enough to what these users are up to that it toppled me over for a day or two.

To know I raised a narcissist!  I knew he was self-centered but showed enough love for us that it made it okay.  Now, they both are?  I just don't know what I'm up against  here.  I don't fit in anywhere.

cocobars

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #36 on: February 27, 2010, 07:44:01 PM »
You fit in here Chickie.   ;)