Author Topic: The Blessing Here  (Read 3970 times)

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2chickiebaby

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #15 on: February 25, 2010, 09:56:37 AM »
Thank you, Second Wife, so much!  I know it's not my fault.  I will lose my son, though if I get out of it.  (and grandchildren!) :'(

She doesn't boast about herself (although there are many beauty queen titles she has) but her sole purpose if to control others and SHE DOES. 
« Last Edit: February 25, 2010, 10:00:26 AM by 2chickiebaby »

thesecondwife

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #16 on: February 25, 2010, 10:00:59 AM »
The thing is too, if your son is in an abusive relationship, the best thing you can do is be available to him, even if he no longer contacts you. He'll still need his support system eventually. His friends and FOO are his support system. I'll never forget how my M and D were there for me even when my XH was rude to them. What I tell my M and I'll tell you too is to just keep going, stay true to yourself, and things will work out in the end. ((((hugs))))

And Cocoa, I posted a LOT in the internet forum!  :o

2chickiebaby

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #17 on: February 25, 2010, 10:10:43 AM »
SecondWife,  keep posting...you are more help than you know....thank you :)

2chickiebaby

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #18 on: February 25, 2010, 01:50:55 PM »
SecondWife,
Is it possible that our son is a narcissist too?  Are they ever married to each other?  I see a lot of him in these traits!!

cocobars

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #19 on: February 25, 2010, 02:44:56 PM »

And Cocoa, I posted a LOT in the internet forum!  :o

Great!  I'm going to check them later!  I'm happy you posted them! ;D

Marilyn

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #20 on: February 25, 2010, 03:02:42 PM »
Chickie,has your son changed?Are did you see these traits before he got married?

2chickiebaby

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #21 on: February 25, 2010, 03:11:42 PM »
Yes he did change about 6 years into the marriage. It took her awhile with him

Marilyn

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #22 on: February 25, 2010, 04:50:21 PM »
Chickie,if he changed, thats not narcissist.Thats from the brain washing, don't you think?
After reading over some of the abuse sites,thats part of it.

renny97

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #23 on: February 25, 2010, 05:14:52 PM »
This is interesting. This is where my thoughts have been in the "recovery" process.

I think son started being "different" about 2 years ago? He didn't laugh like he used to. He became quiet. Everyone commented on how quiet he was. I figured, it was around the time of second GC being born and being dad for second time.

I wonder whether it was depression or maybe they were having issues? I mentioned to a friend one time that I thought he might be mad at me for something when son would just talk so short. Friend said for me not to take personally, maybe they were fighting about something and not even towards me.

Well, whatever it is, he is not the same. I used to tell others I had a funny (humerous) son..we used to laugh a lot. His view of the world is very different now. I understand, he has responsibilities--but, he doesn't want my input anymore or me? Something is bothering him.


cocobars

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #24 on: February 25, 2010, 05:24:34 PM »
Chickie,if he changed, thats not narcissist.Thats from the brain washing, don't you think?
After reading over some of the abuse sites,thats part of it.
I think it's the brain washing too! It just makes sense if he really didn't have those traits before.  He's trying so hard to please, that he is really taking on her personality as much as he can.  I believe he may also be doing that to try to hold on to a peaceful environment at home.  That's just my suspicions.  You never know what he has had to put up with behind closed doors, and we (most of us) will do so much to get that praise from someone we love.

Carmexx

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #25 on: February 26, 2010, 05:53:39 AM »
I've seen that happen before in a couple I know. The wife is the epitome of spite, anger, rudeness, and the husband had always been the jovial and happy one. After many years, he started taking on her character traits, and I was so shocked. However, years after that, he began to openly complain about her way of being. He once sarcastically said to a group of friends that he wanted to congratulate his wife on Mother's Day because she was like a mother to him -always screaming at him and scolding him.

We all laughed because it was so shocking, but we saw that as the first crack in his acceptance in her way of being.

My brother was also in a very abusive relationship for about 3 years, and he went through a miniature cycle that I described above. The good thing is that even though he didn't confide in my parents, he is very close to his siblings, and we just used different tactics to help him realize this was never going to get better. My younger sister is very feisty, and she would always tell him to break up. Sometimes that helped him, but sometimes that alienated him. My older sister is calm and thoughtful, and she would give him insight. I was also more calm and would try to give him objective views (while boiling inside), so he would often come to me because he didn't feel judged.

Ultimately, though, the one person who really helped him make the decision to cancel the wedding was her. We were there to support him, but she is the one who went crazy and made him realize that she was never going to change.

I'm happy to say they have been separated for almost a year, and there is no way he is going back. He is dating a sweet young woman now.

I agree that your son may be going through something like this if he had not been like that in the past. Give it time and be there for him (as long as it is not hurting you), and he will realize this too.

2chickiebaby

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #26 on: February 26, 2010, 06:30:59 AM »
Carmexx, thank you...and all of you, thank you....I have seen him jump through hoops to make her happy.  I mean it...never talking back, never saying a word.

You gotta remember, she has LOADS of money.  Also, she is beyond beautiful.  Of course, he is too.  They looks like models together.  Their kids are equally that way.

I am just waking up from "a long winter's nap' and coming to understand what is going on here.  I feel better knowing what it is.  So, Second Wife?  Thank you for making this clear.  It means the world to me.   I think Isitme brought this to my attention too.  Thank all of you. :) Even if I didn't mention your name, thank you!

Offline isitme?

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #27 on: February 26, 2010, 07:39:40 AM »
I am just waking up from "a long winter's nap' and coming to understand what is going on here.  I feel better knowing what it is.  So, Second Wife?  Thank you for making this clear.  It means the world to me.   I think Isitme brought this to my attention too.  Thank all of you. :) Even if I didn't mention your name, thank you!

Thanks to you too Chickie!  I haven't been posting much lately but have been thinking about how much my thinking has changed over the last several months thanks to all the insight I found here and all the support I got from people like you!

2chickiebaby

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #28 on: February 26, 2010, 07:54:44 AM »
You are darling, Isitme...just darling.  I know now that people/anyone who is really trying to understand will be here and not totally devoted to a hate site.

Thank you for being here.  It has been such an eyeopener for all of us!

I wish you'd tell us more that's going on in your life....

Coco, come back soon!!!!!   :-\

cocobars

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Re: The Blessing Here
« Reply #29 on: February 26, 2010, 08:46:04 AM »
My beautiful, tender hearted friend - I'm not going anywhere!  My hours are changing.  You won't get rid of me that easily!  HAHAHA! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

I love you too much to go away!