I pray every night God will take me ....Where do I start.....

[reang10]

My daughter is 17 and is grauating from high school this year. about 1 year ago she and her sister moved in with her dad saying I was a terrible mom. Well my youngest has moved back with me and she has blossumed into a wonderful child but my oldest hates me I read some texts she had send her younger sister one evening and I was horrified she lied about things I had done to her such as full fisting her in the head 14 times . I NEVER did or would do such a thing even my youngest daughter was shocked and asked her what is wrong with you thats not true/=..... well my ex husband of course believes all my oldest says and will not help me with my relationshio with my oldest daughter even tho I make sure our youngest child stays in touch with him. Now its come down to my oldest has told everyone all these lies and they believe her because she is a straight honor roll student and really a good kid so they cant see her as lying and my youngest is mad at her dad and will not call him anymore . I cry every night I do not know what happened with my oldest ...I try to talk to her and she leaves or drives away she refuses to even answer anything. My doctor told me that she is actually upset with herself and just taking it out on me but I think there is a mental problem going on and the reason she wont ever call or come see me is because I am the only one that knows her lies about me. Now here it is graduation time and I planned on a small party for her the reason I did was because I knew her dad would have one and say I invited your mom but she didnt show which is exactly what he did ....i cant go on like this someone please help I want to not be depressed every day and cry every night and I pray to die each night ...anyone if your out there please help me

[chickenmom]

I don't know what to tell you to make it better~i don't think there is anything that will help but time. My honor roll went to a major top notch university daughter did the same thing to me and got the younger one to lie about us and move in with her. The younger one's lies, coached by the older one, were so bad I know she thinks I will never talk to her again~they could have put us in jail~and frankly it will be a long time before i trust her again for the safety of my other younger daughter. If it is any consolation it does get better with time. I feel better than i did a year ago and even a month ago. Your younger daughter knows the truth just like my youngest daughter does. She will hang in there for you. If you die who will be there for your younger daughter? she needs you. and then your older daughter and x will have won. i know firsthand how hard it is to keep going but if you do it will get better with time, just hang in there. Can you and the younger daughter take a trip even if it is only for the weekend somewhere? it is good to get out of where you are.  I took my daughter on a day trip a few weeks ago and when i got up that morning i almost thought of an excuse not to go but went anyways and we ended up having a great time. I am glad we went. I didn't get to attend my daughters college graduation nor will i get to attend my younger daughter HS graduation this year, so i can empathize with you.
It will get better with time!

[cocobars]

Hello reang, and welcome!

Where do you start?  You start right here, every day!  You need support and understanding.  I don't know what makes some of our daughters do these things, and I have had similar problems with my oldest daughter.  She's older than yours, but hasn't spoken to me in a few years and I have a GS I haven't seen since he was born 3 years ago.  I went through a horrible depression because I was also going through some other things at the time and got to my lowest point in my life.  It sounds like you are there.  You, my dear, have found a wonderful place with women who will listen to you, understand you, and support you through all of this.  This site is your first step and you should be proud for reaching out the way you have. This is your cry for help!  We are not experts here in any way, but women who walked through the door in just as much pain.  You will find lots of love and support here and that's the very first thing you need!

Second, I would go in to see a counsellor.  Professional help is always the best help and can speed your recovery.  Do you think your daughter's will join you?  That would be even better for you!

You are in a dark place, but I hope you will look around you for a glimmer of light to keep you going.  Your youngest daughter catches my eye first.  Our children can hurt us in ways nobody else can.  We let them.  That doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.  Loving your child is never wrong, but sometimes we have to learn to let go and watch from a distance.  If you can get her into counselling with you that would help speed things along, but the main thing is that you need to know there is nothing wrong with you!  This is the hardest thing to learn because we often think when our children have problems like this, there is something we did to cause them.  We take on blame for our children because we love them so much!

Anyway, check into that counselling and see if anyone will join you (meaning any daughters, even your youngest).  It sounds like you've been deserted by your oldest, but you can't let yourself feel that, even when there is only one left standing with you - she is still there.  She is your support system - up close and personal.  You may not see that right now, but she loves you and her life would be destroyed without you in it.  Sit back and think for a moment... Just close your eyes and imagine...  If something happened to you, what would happen to her?  How would her life change?  Would anybody else love her and care for her the same way again?  Would she feel loved or would she feel abandoned the rest of her life?  Your role in this daughters life is more powerful than you think it is!  No matter what your other daughter says, your youngest daughter "KNOWS" the truth and is still at your side.  You can build from there!  She's already showing you where your foundation is!  She might as well have arrows all around her!  LOL!

Anyway, just start in these two places (this site and counselling).  I think it wont take too long before you can see that you have allot to live for, and you may wonder how you didn't see that?  We don't always see what's around us when we are in dark places like this, so you have to be forgiving with yourself for that too!  Don't be hard on you, but take these baby steps.  Don't be discouraged, because sometimes when we first start from these dark places we will take one step forward and three back.  Just keep trying and keep going back until you can look back and see you are better now!  And that will happen.  You can't worry about your oldest daughter right now, you have to be there for you.  Take care of you and take what you have right now to build from.  In doing that you will be offering your daughter a life ring!  Let her know you love her every day.  If you need a hug, hug her.  I think she will return that to you!  She is your best friend in all the world and you were lucky and blessed to have her.  She is your life ring too! 

Come back here and post often.  As often as you need to!  If you are on here every day (as I am), that's ok too.  You have made a very important first step by coming in here and pouring your heart out!  You should be proud of yourself!  Let our love and compassion help you love life again, and reach out to your daughter!  She loves you more than you will ever fathom!

Welcome wise woman!  I know you don't feel very wise right now, but the simple act of reaching out and joining our group shows that you belong here in this healing place!  I'm honored to be one of the first to help you through this door and welcome you to your new home!  And yes, you belong here with us!

[luise.volta]

Welcome - The only thing I can add is that when things were the darkest with my eldest son and he refused to let me see my first grandchild because of my "vibes"...I learned one thing: I was whole before I became a mother and I could be whole again. Yes, I'd made my life about him but I didn't have to continue to do that and accept abuse as my reward. My job was done and I did it well. He was successful and well-liked. He was free to take his life in any direction he chose...and so was I.

I knew women who hadn't married and were whole, as well as childless married women who had turned in other directions. I'd enjoyed my identity as his mom and I'd given it everything I had and... there were other ways for me to expand and grow and find joy in my life. It wasn't easy but it worked.

I agree with C/C that you have taken the first pro-active step toward healing by joining us. It may not feel like it's possible but soon you will be reaching out and helping others. Your strength will return because this site is brimming with love.

[cocobars]

Welcome - The only thing I can add is that when things were the darkest with my eldest son and he refused to let me see my first grandchild because of my "vibes"...I learned one thing: I was whole before I became a mother and I could be whole again. Yes, I'd made my life about him but I didn't have to continue to do that and accept abuse as my reward. My job was done and I did it well. He was successful and well-liked. He was free to take his life in any direction he chose...and so was I.

I knew women who hadn't married and were whole, as well as childless married women who had turned in other directions. I'd enjoyed my identity as his mom and I'd given it everything I had and... there were other ways for me to expand and grow and find joy in my life. It wasn't easy but it worked.

I agree with C/C that you have taken the first pro-active step toward healing by joining us. It may not feel like it's possible but soon you will be reaching out and helping others. Your strength will return because this site is brimming with love.

I agree with Luise.  That whole first paragraph is a powerful thought!  We all came from a place in our beginings where we had "no children," and we were fine - happy even!  After trying so hard and being abused for your efforts to love, sometimes it's better to start all over again, just as you were before.  I wouldn't give up on that daughter though. I think she is a lifeline for you.  I could be wrong, but I wouldn't give up until I absolutely knew there was nothing left...

We are all thinking about you and sending you healing thoughts and hugs!  I hope you feel them...

[Pen]

Please take care of yourself, Reang! We're here for you. It may not seem like much, just a bunch of women sitting around posting, but this site is powerful. Let it flow over you, you'll see!

[2chickiebaby]

Reang!!  I am listening.  Stay with us.  I know someone on here is just the ticket to help you.  We have wise women of all ages standing by.

[Marilyn]

Wecolme Reang,You pray every night God will take you.God has heard your prayers,and taken you here."Right where you need to be"God knows your pain.You have reached out for help,and we are all reaching back out to you.We feel your pain also,we understand,and truly care.
We will be here for you,to help you get stronger,and stronger.You will never have to feel so hopeless again.

[cocobars]

   I am so proud to be a member of this wise council!  Can you see what I meant!  This was absolutely your very first step!  All these women can't be wrong!  You have something very special to add to this council.  You have "YOU" to add and that's important!  Only you have your own perspective to add.

You are a part of a growing and thriving council of very "wise women!"  Welcome to the compassionate and growing group of caring and healing women you will come to love and look for!  I know I do!

We are already looking for you and reaching back as Mominwaiting said!

[luise.volta]

I just love that statement that you were asking God every night to take you and he took you over here!

[cocobars]

Luise, that is most likely true for each and every one of us here!  Mominwaiting had the words for that concept! 

Thank you for that!

[luise.volta]

Yup, she hit the nail on the head! Thank you, M/I/W!

[Marilyn]

Your welcome Luise and Coco.My first thought when i found this site,was God brought me here.God really hears our prayers,we just don't always notice how he is trying to answer our prayers.What a blessing it has been for me.It has changed me, for ever,for the better.A very healing experience.We might never meet in person,but i feel a connection with so many of you Wise Women.

Together we will be able to soar like an Eagle.............leave all the hurt and pain behind.

[cocobars]

Your welcome Luise and Coco.My first thought when i found this site,was God brought me here.God really hears our prayers,we just don't always notice how he is trying to answer our prayers.What a blessing it has been for me.It has changed me, for ever,for the better.A very healing experience.We might never meet in person,but i feel a connection with so many of you Wise Women.

Together we will be able to soar like an Eagle.............leave all the hurt and pain behind.

Mominwaiting, I believe you were given those words, just as you and I (and all the rest of us) were led here to this site.  I know alot of the time I sound so corny, but I believe this site was a concept (a gift) given to Luise from God (or whatever you call God-the universe).  Luise was given a gift of being in the position to not only see this need here, but also to make it come to fruition.

I don't see anyone here that doesn't belong here!  I have met more very compassionate and caring women here than I believe I have my whole life!  This site just attracts us like magnets.  I fouind this site, even before I found momresponds.com.  What is surprising, is that it took me about 30 seconds and I was here!  When I came in I absolutely poured my heart out, and Chickie was here.  I believe that weekend there was a night that Chickie stayed up all night with me.

How much more special is that, or loving, compassionate, comitted, etc....

We all have gifts here.  You were given that gift, and I believe you will get more!  that was just the begining!

[Marilyn]

Wow Coco!!!We think a lot a like.I have know idea how i found this site,it wasn't thru momsrespond.com,i found it latter.And i found it in a blink of an eye also!!!

I'm so glad Chickie stayed up all night with you.Yes,that was special,just what you needed!!!

And Coco,you never sound corny.I feel a very spiritual thing going on here,thats the connections i feel.I also have thought about Luise,and thinking the same thing.God has made all this possible,for her.To bring us closer to God.
We are all God's children,and i have not been as close to my father in Heaven,as i should be.I'm striving for that.I spend time with him daily.Working on my relationship with him first.

God will also give you the words you need,for your letter,i just know it!!!!