Author Topic: If You're a Male - Welcome!  (Read 935 times)

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cremebrulee

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If You're a Male - Welcome!
« on: February 18, 2010, 07:17:37 AM »
If your a male, and your lurking, please, do come in and join our little group....it would be so comforting to get some perspectives from men, especially son's, who know what we're talking about here...you would be more then welcomed and probably treated like Kings, by our group of wise women....



« Last Edit: February 18, 2010, 09:11:16 AM by luise.volta »

Offline luise.volta

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Re: If You're a Male - Welcome!
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2010, 09:16:03 AM »
Good thinking! Thanks! I thought about www.extendedfamiliesunite.com but it seemed too long and kind of watered down.

And we are about 99.99% Wise Women!  ;D
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

2chickiebaby

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Re: If You're a Male - Welcome!
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2010, 09:45:41 AM »
I'm looking forward to hearing about Heartstrings life...it sounds like it will be some good news.

cocobars

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Re: If You're a Male - Welcome!
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2010, 10:45:54 AM »
This is all so absolutely true!  What a nice post, Creme and a nice welcome!  We always welcome the thoughts and feelings of anyone walking through our door here.  Since we have only one male here at this time, we welcome all others who find the need for support and understanding, and who will be willing to help us understand in return.

We hope you join us and give us the gift of your perspective in all of our lives here!

Heartstrings

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Re: If You're a Male - Welcome!
« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2010, 12:23:34 PM »
 Don't know where to begin. Guess I could start with my own inlaw experience.
About a year after my wife and I were married, we purchased 20 acres of land and then moved an old doublewide onto it. Around this time, my FIL went bankrupt as a result of some of his shady business dealings; he went from millions in assets to nothing overnite. The first thing he did when he found out we had the land, was to approach my wife with a proposition..........This set the pattern for what was to come. And, yes.....I agreed to do it; We let them move an old trailer onto our land.
LESSON LEARNED: Respect.....Don't try to undermine; when you want something, ask the man of the house or the COUPLE TOGETHER.

We first needed a power pole hookup for our own trailer. I bought a pole, paid for the permits and then my FIL, once again, approached my wife. because HE wanted the powerpole put where HE wanted it. Guess where it ended up? He nagged and nagged about it and took my wife aside privately to try to convince her to persuade me to do it his way. So now,24 years later, our house sits where it does because that's where FIL wanted it.  ;D The next thing I went to purchase was a deep well. Once again, FIL wanted to dictate the location and would NOT let up until I relented. Thankfully the well drilling FAILED at his specified location and I got to put my well where I thought it needed to be in the first place....uphill from the septic tank.
Lesson learned: Don't try to manipulate, mind your own busness, stay out of SIL's and DIL's decisions. It's perfectly OK to offer advice when absolutely necessary, or when ASKED, say it ONCE and don't bring it up again.

The property we had bought, had previously been a cornfield so the ridges were still present and sunbaked hard into the rich topsoil. The direction my FIL was going to have to tow his trailer across the field was PERPENDICULAR to the direction of these furrows. Y'all see where this is going? I mentioned to my FIL that he would need to run a disk harrow over the field or the  trailer would be damaged when pulling it in. But, hey....what does the dumb young whippersnapper know, huh?   ;) So my FIL goes and does it anyway and when the semi- truck driver towed it in and had to maintain a sufficient speed to keep from getting his heavy rig stuck. I watched as the 65' singlewide violently undulated like a caterpllar across the field. It WRECKED the frame, bent the I-beam trailer tongue VERTICAL and broke the roof seams apart. My FIL had to hire a guy with a portable welding rig and spent WEEKS getting it all repaired staying up til the wee hours of the morning, running electric saws, banging on things, keeping all the neighbors dogs barking and keeping us awake in the process.
Lesson learned: It's best not to IGNORE advice...no matter what the age, failing to do so could cost you a bundle.


After my FIL got his trailer fixed and liveable then settled down in his new residence on our property, he entered into another of his shady business deals, but needed money to pull it off. Once again, he approached my wife instead of me. She loaned him the money and shortly thereafter the deal went sour and ended up in a lawsuit. Guess who ended up in court by absolutely NO FAULT of her own? Yes, my FIL's crooked deal, using my wife's money, and somehow tying her good name to it, caused her to get sued. So, understandably, my sweet wife has a soft heart for Daddy, and I had to put up with his manipulation.
Lesson learned? I'm still shaking my head on this one

Fast forward to 2010, my FIL STILL has some shady business practices and now I have to deal with a DIL who fro whatever reason has tried to withhold my grandson, when the ONLY thing I have done to her was to insist on chaperones when they were dating, to ensure the virginity of my son (That's right, boys should be virgins before marriage too) and the fact that I have a strong desire to get to have a relationship with my grandson. She just THINKS she has FIL problems.  It just seems to me she got off EASY.  Anyway, last weekend was GREAT!!!!! We kept him while they went out on their Valentines' date and we had a blast. He even said "PAPA"...THREE TIMES!!!!:D  So, things are looking up!
Lesson learned: Do not fear, fight for what is right, stick to your guns, and always try to keep positive!

So, in a nutshell, I have experienced my own "interesting" inlaw problems but, don't want you to think I have hard feelings toward my FIL. We get along fine now. I'm going to see them this weekend; but he does need to make a DRASTIC change in his life. And though my wife and I have been through alot  it ended up good and I thank God for her and the life we have enjoyed together thus far. It has turned out better than we could have dreamed. Let me also say that my MIL is a sweetheart, fiercely and commendably loyal to her husband, as is my own wife. Also, my wife loved my own parents very much and they have always gotten along. At this stage in my life, I'm beginning to see it from the FIL side of the coin and I hope that the lessons I've learned will help me not to make too many mistakes myself.
« Last Edit: February 18, 2010, 12:32:16 PM by Heartstrings »

cocobars

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Re: If You're a Male - Welcome!
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2010, 04:19:32 PM »
Heartstrings,
Congratulations!  PAPA!  3 times?  Awesome...
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

cremebrulee

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Re: If You're a Male - Welcome!
« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2010, 05:54:03 AM »
Heartstrings, welcome back, glad you joined us again....

My oh my, this story of yours would have made the perfect movie...and had it all to boot...every single emotion a human being goes through, including comedy...not that I think your story is funny, but would have loved to have been there  to see that eye beam sticking up perpendicular....sorry, don't mean to insult you, or your fil, but you have to admit, looking back now, it IS funny.... ;D

However, your FIL, must have learned some lesssons from all this as well....

Please if you are in here reading and you see something you'd like to comment on, don't be afraid, as we would welcome your feedback and insight on some of these issues, even if you don't agree with us....

Thank you
and hugs
Creme