Author Topic: What I've Learned Without Money  (Read 2814 times)

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Offline luise.volta

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #15 on: February 10, 2010, 03:38:55 PM »
That's what I thought.  8)
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

2chickiebaby

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #16 on: February 10, 2010, 04:01:51 PM »
You are correct, Ma'am! 8)

cocobars

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #17 on: February 11, 2010, 04:53:47 AM »
That's hard Coco.  My dil places a lot on money.  Hubby & I have given so much money, too much.  We just don't have as much to give anymore.  Hubby's pay went way down, & we have to look to the future, start thinking about retirement.  You know there are so many things that don't require money.  Like sitting in my backyard, early in the morning, enjoying my first cup of coffee.  Listening to the birds singing, seeing the squirrels, rabbits, & sometimes even the neighbourhood skunk, hearing the neighbours waking, car doors slamming, & loud, boisterous voices as families load up & head out on day trips.  All of these things are free.  I just love early summer mornings.  Its so quiet & peaceful, even with the neighbours chatting, some singing as the do their gardening, yelling at their pets to get out of the garden LOL.  I just love those times.
Anna, I certainly understand not having the money you used to have.  I sat my children down about a year and a half ago and explained my situation to all of them (they kept coming to me for money also).  I had to tell them that it was time for them to stay within their own budgets, because mine had been emptied.  I've also warned them that my inheritance (some day) is something I will not be able to hand out.  It will pay for a roof over my head and I can't give it away.  They have been fine.  There have been a few problems since, but I gave them understanding and suggestions.  One suggestion was to start a savings stricktly for an emergency (The borrow from mom account).  So far I haven't heard anything.  "Silence is golden..."

By the way, I love sitting outside in warmer weather too!  It's a little piece of heaven!  But I'm the neighbor who is chasing the dog out of the garden while I'm doing that too!  Oops, sorry if we disturbed you!  LOL!  When we leave here, what do you think you will remember the most?  The new expensive car, or sitting on the patio in the summer?

cocobars

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #18 on: February 11, 2010, 05:00:58 AM »
Wow...I've been avoiding thinking about this topic, because it takes me to some very negative places lately. DIL & family are totally about money and judge us because we're not. Suddenly I'm back in junior high being teased and not fitting in with the spoiled girls "in the 'hood." (DS cracks up when I call it that - we had famous, off-the-charts wealthy neighbors.) When DIL & fam treat us like scum I start to question my life and put myself down for not being successful.
Penstamen, I understand how you can start questioning your life for not being successful with money.  Like Luise stated, your priorities are not that of a millionaire - you don't eat at Burger-King and if you did, probably wouldn't have gone to the trouble to track down a coupon to do it.   

When all is said and done, do you think your son will remember you as being unsuccessful?  Or, do you think he will remember how much you loved and cared for him? 

You keep loving him!  You're doing the best job as a mother!  Don't forget to love yourself too and forgive yourself for not being stingy!  HA!  Next time you feel that way, I hope you will think about Luise's "Burger King" story.  Would that have been worth it?  Somehow I don't see you as the kind of person who would take your friends out to "Burger King" for dinner...

Feel that?  It's me hugging you!

Offline Pen

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #19 on: February 11, 2010, 08:11:45 AM »
Coco, back at ya with the {{hug}} And Anna, I love the summer morns as well - quiet, balmy, the promise of a wonderful day...those things truly are priceless. DH and I consider our ability to enjoy simple pleasures like that as part of our "success"  - we get a mini-vaca every day just by coming home and walking out our back door! To DIL, where we live is hell on earth, and to be fair it is a bit more rugged than a trip to the mall :)

My DDD and I have been regifted or cheap-gifted by my dad and stepmom as well as by DIL. We always spend more on them (not difficult since they spend next to nothing, LOL), and we have much less to work with! Even more than the $$$ spent, we try to take time to buy meaningful gifts that they will enjoy for years to come. DH hates to see me hurt by their obvious put-downs, but when we're tempted to do the same we just can't. Our "golden rule" values prevent us from treating anyone that way. Perhaps it's time to cut some BK coupons :)

DS is beginning to see it. I'm not sure he understands how much I'm hurt by their treatment, but that's OK. He may think I'm above all that, and that's a good way to be seen (even if it's not true - I can aspire to that, right?)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Pen

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #20 on: February 11, 2010, 04:57:39 PM »
I'm proud of you for pointing out DIL's behavior to your son. I was tempted to but was afraid I'd make it worse; he brought it up himself after a really rough go for us, thank God. We still have a long way to go, but for now I'm happy to know he knows. I hope our guys continue to 'man up.'
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cremebrulee

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #21 on: February 15, 2010, 09:16:11 AM »
the one time, and I have to kinda laugh, that my DIL and son came to a family dinner, and we all laughed about this...

She didn't try to have a conversation with anyone, she absolutely acted like she was stuck to my son's hip...if he went outside for a cigerette, she went along?  She refused to socialize with anyone...so after they left...my older sister looked at me and said, "Wow, she is really aloof".  And then my younger sister said, yeah, the only thing that came out of her mouth was, when Creme's son asked her whose Beemer that was parked out front...and when I said it was brother in laws...she goes..."REALLY", like, she was shocked that he owned one...my family is very private and closed mouth about they're careers and money...however, my brother in law always said, he wanted a beemer all his life, and he works hard enough so, he should have it...

my mom had a lot of money, however, she didn't have brand new "things"...she worked very hard to save all her life, and my dad did well in stocks....but, to look at them, you wouldn't know it....however, they were the warmest most giving people I have ever known, you would be shocked if I told you how much money they literally gave away to neighbors, family and friends, who needed help.


Offline luise.volta

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #22 on: February 15, 2010, 09:25:17 AM »
What great roll models, C. My dad was a true miser and it probably saved us during the depression. But he couldn't stop. And my mom was always at the effect of it. One of my sisters was a spendthrift and the other was a miser. I'm in the middle someplace...responsible but always giving anything extra away.

When money becomes God...I think we're in deep guano.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher