Author Topic: Controlling People  (Read 10934 times)

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cocobars

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #15 on: February 13, 2010, 05:08:13 PM »
Hehehe!  Yep!  He fried my brain and heart at the same time!  I can't say he was all bad though.  I am thankful for the time I had with him, even if I didn't really know who he was.  Life gives you things like that sometimes, and I enjoyed the dream while I had it.  He has wanted me back.  He knew I loved him sooo blindly.  I doted on him.  All he had to do was wake up and go to the bathroom.  I did the rest, cars, bills, entertaining, got the paper for him in the morning and had it sitting at the table on the deck with a tray of coffee and breakfast.  I think his "wake up" was when he realized he would never find another woman who loved him that much.  I can't trust him though, so in all fairness, can't ever take him back.  I did once and (long story very short) it was a mistake.  I checked up on him (I paid the bills so I saw the phone records, etc.).  It didn't work.  Broke my heart and still does because if you ever met him you would tell me how charming my husband was. 

And I would agree...

I'm so happy you found this article.  I think it will help someone! :)
« Last Edit: February 13, 2010, 05:11:17 PM by cocobars »

2chickiebaby

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #16 on: February 13, 2010, 05:11:24 PM »
Oh my goodness, please don't ever go back~!!  No matter how weak you get. :'(

cocobars

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #17 on: February 13, 2010, 05:14:37 PM »
I won't do that.  I promise.  It would be damaging to me if I did.  It doesn't matter how I feel about him, he's not the person I thought he was and that stands in my way, every time.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #18 on: February 13, 2010, 05:42:21 PM »
I left at forty after I took my first job (as a Workmen's Comp disability insurance adjuster) and realized there were tire tracks all over me. I'm not sure I would do it again. It was so hard on Kirk and terribly hard on DH, who didn't have a clue who I was or care to find out after knowing me since we were pre-schoolers, but who was still devastated. My eldest son was about to leave the nest and go into the Marines but Kirk was only ten and his dad left Washington and went back to Michigan. I pulled the pin and everything collapsed. You'd think Kirk would be the "I hate my mother" son...but he wasn't.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

2chickiebaby

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #19 on: February 13, 2010, 06:19:48 PM »
took a lot of courage!!!  Hard for everyone.... :'(

cocobars

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #20 on: February 13, 2010, 06:39:03 PM »
I left at forty after I took my first job (as a Workmen's Comp disability insurance adjuster) and realized there were tire tracks all over me. I'm not sure I would do it again. It was so hard on Kirk and terribly hard on DH, who didn't have a clue who I was or care to find out after knowing me since we were pre-schoolers, but who was still devastated. My eldest son was about to leave the nest and go into the Marines but Kirk was only ten and his dad left Washington and went back to Michigan. I pulled the pin and everything collapsed. You'd think Kirk would be the "I hate my mother" son...but he wasn't.
Good for you and better for Kirk.  It's funny.  I have twins, but only one of them is loving and understanding like that.  The other is a social animal and that's all she is interested in.  It's kind of like winning a lottery to end up with even one that is like that, isn't it?  I don't know where I'd be without her.  Of course this passes on sometimes, because I think my parents are saying that about me too!  LOL!

Kirk is a gift for you.  You deserved someone to love and understand you, and from what I've read on momresponds.com, you also got an avid supporter!

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #21 on: February 13, 2010, 07:37:30 PM »
How beautiful that you know the joy of that kind of connection. What a gift!  :-)

Kirk's an amazing guy. I don't see him often, but when he introduces me he always says. "This is my Mom, my oldest friend." He has been there for me like no one on the planet and I for him. When he tells people on Kauai that he is coming over for my birthday (he always stays down the road in his own place for a month) and says he's really excited about seeing me, they look at him like he's nuts...and say, "You WANT to see your mother?"  LOL!

When I recently suffered that fractured tibia, he offered to come over and do whatever needed to be done....which was sweet...but not practical. And when I won those two awards last Fall, he made a video of the first one and put it on You Tube and Facebook for my grandsons and great grandkids in Paris.  :-)

I could go on and on.... :D

His wife (partner) is exactly what he deserves. She's an incredible woman and she and I have a great time together when they come over here for the summer. (Thank heaven they can't take the heat and humidity in Hawaii!)

What did you see on MomResponds?
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

cocobars

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #22 on: February 13, 2010, 08:09:05 PM »
Well, I can't find the exact quote on momresponds anymore.  Maybe I read it here?  Anyway, somewhere there is a write-up about how he encouraged you to do internet work, and backed you up in this.  Now, that's a gift! He saw how special you were, not just to him - but he recognised your gift and saw the need to start an internet site for you to expand your reach!  Most mothers are lucky to have children who notice they're still breathing.  It's unusual for our "grown" children to pay that kind of loving attention to our well being.  He did that with you!

One of mine is like that too.  When we moved back up here and didn't have any money anymore, she said, "mom" you won't need any money, because I'm going to make alot of money and when I am rich, I am going to buy you a house on the beach again.  She is an artist and has won some money awards (savings bonds) and sold some pictures.  I sort of laughed and thought she was really sweet when she said that, but now her art teacher is telling me she is doing professional quality work and has been for some time.  She may win a scholarship.  I'm excited for her (but am not holding her to that sweet promise she keeps reminding me of).  I will have an inheritance that will buy me my retirement.  We will be fine. 

Luise, we're so blessed to have children who love us so much!
« Last Edit: February 13, 2010, 08:17:03 PM by cocobars »

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #23 on: February 13, 2010, 08:30:09 PM »
Did I put the speech I gave last Fall on MILU? I gave it at the Bank of America volunteerism awards ceremony in Seattle last Fall. I don't recall...it was all a kind of blur. I got a $5,000. grant for the non-profit of my choice, as well. And it does mention Kirk's encouragement and support. (As well as his heartlessness. LOL!)

Here it is:



Here's my three minute speech. :-)


Hi! I feel very honored to be given this recognition and award. I want to personally thank MY bank, which *is* the Bank of America!

I'm 82 years old and I've enjoyed many different volunteering opportunities since I retired at the age of 60. I was introduced to computers when my son moved to Hawaii in 1998. He gave me his desktop PC, hooked me up to an ISP, covered my bed with manuals, (all written in Greek)...and told me that our communication would be going to a new level. His exact words were, "Figure it out, Mom!"  And believe it or not, I did.

When my husband and I moved to the Warm Beach Retirement Center in Stanwood nine years ago, we both enjoyed all kinds of volunteering. However about four years ago, I realized that I was going to be offering him more and more assistance...and that would necessarily limit, if not eliminate, my outside volunteering. (He turned 98 this month.)

With my son's expertise as webmaster, I created my counseling website, www.MomResponds.com  It was launched on Mother's Day of 2006. Many categories soon developed with subjects ranging from "Facing the Death of a Loved One" to "Making a Small Living Room Look Large". I'm about to answer my nine hundredth question and have received and published over twelve hundred comments. Every year I get over 100,000 Unique Visitors to my site.

My online advertising income is unimpressive but what MomResponds it all about is three things; listening carefully...acknowledging the person sincerely...and offering options. That's what men and women in all walks of life, and children of all ages want...worldwide.

Three major questions are asked repeatedly; "Why Do My Son and DIL Hate Me? How Can I Find the Vehicle Identification Number on my Aging Travel Trailer?" And..."What Can I do About My Sexless Relationship?" (I'm open to all the help I can get on the last one!)

Where I see the need, I'm creating special interest web-forums. The first one was www.wisewomenunite.com It's where the much-maligned have the opportunity to re-align. The operating principle being understanding and support...not judgment.

My second forum, www.vintagervforum.com, is in the hopper.

I'm finding the web a never-ending and exciting adventure. To be accepted there and acknowledged here...is a great privilege.

 Thank you, again
« Last Edit: February 13, 2010, 09:15:31 PM by luise.volta »
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

cocobars

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #24 on: February 13, 2010, 08:46:30 PM »
I don't think that's it, but it may be.  It's been about a month since I looked through the introductions, but it was in there somewhere.  Maybe I have a concept in my little head that says that from reading between lines?????

My memory isn't the best...  I remember general things about people, but that's about it!  LOL!

2chickiebaby

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #25 on: February 13, 2010, 08:47:17 PM »
So clever and funny too.  Luise, you don't stand still long enough to get dust on your shoes, do you?  Hope I can be that active at your age. 8)  Keeps your mind sharp.

cocobars

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #26 on: February 13, 2010, 08:50:49 PM »
I FOUND IT!  It's actually in your introduction to momresponds.com.  Here's the copy/paste!

Several years after she retired her sons introduced her to computers, web-surfing, email, e-shopping. The idea of broadening her counseling into that venue came from those closest to her who felt they wanted to share her wisdom with others.

She’s game, if you are!

HA!  I was starting to think I was imagining things!

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #27 on: February 13, 2010, 08:58:19 PM »
Bingo! :-)))) I wasn't game when I was down for the count for the last three months and trying to figure out how to be a care giver from a wheelchair! I had to stay on top of MomResponds since it's a one-gal-show and I just had to give up on MILU.

But...I'm back in the saddle! :-)

I really missed MILU and I an SO glad to be back!

You are a major contributor and I can't thank you enough for sharing your experience and wisdom!
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

cocobars

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #28 on: February 13, 2010, 09:03:28 PM »
Thank you, Luise.  I am just happy that you have this site here!  What a wonderful thought/creation!

How many women will you help here? 

And still counting.... ;D

cocobars

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Re: Controlling People
« Reply #29 on: February 13, 2010, 09:05:09 PM »
Everyone here is glad your back too! 

Count me in!! ;D
« Last Edit: February 13, 2010, 09:08:08 PM by cocobars »