Author Topic: What I've Learned Without Money  (Read 2813 times)

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cocobars

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What I've Learned Without Money
« on: February 10, 2010, 06:11:38 AM »
Chickie asked me a question that brought up some painful memories for me and I struggled to answer this one simple question.  I realized that my association with "having money" was attached to a relationship that was very one-sided.  I lost my composure and couldn't answer.  I'm in my thinking corner Chickie. 

So many people associate happiness and success with money.  I have thought of a few wonderful things that "being without money" has taught me.  These are some:

I’ve learned that Christmas is still Christmas, and sometimes it is better than I remember.  I’ve noticed that when we all understand there will be no money related gifts, we have relaxed more and enjoyed the moment.  I’ve felt that we had a better understanding of the “ideal” of sharing Christmas with eachother and truly giving what’s in our hearts.  This can’t be measured or paid for.  It's free, but is most likely the best gift I've ever received - "knowing I am loved." 

I’ve learned that living in an expensive castle, doesn’t always measure success.  I’ve seen some very poor people who I feel have more wealth in their family (love and compassion shared), than some of the wealthiest people I’ve met.  Chickie noticed that at a friends funeral she went to, and commented in one of her posts.  And yes, Chickie – I agree wholeheartedly!  This is success – the kind you CAN take with you and leave behind as well.  What a wonderful post you wrote there!

I have had to learn to receive, rather than feel I should be “giving” all the time.  Receiving is a gift too, and if done well can leave the giver with a sense of accomplishment and love in their hearts.  Acceptance is something often wanted by the giver of gifts. Receiving help well is a gift to the giver.  One is no more important than the other.  You are both giving something.  Never let pride get in your way...

I hope this starts some of you thinking, and adding things.  I don’t believe I’m the only one who has learned things and would like to hear what some of you have learned as well.  Most of us have been in this place and sometimes I believe I was put into this position to learn some lessons I might never have thought without the experience.  Things I wouldn't have known in that big house on the beach.

Anyway, thank you for reading.  I hope you think of some things to put in here as well... 


Offline Pen

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2010, 08:10:22 AM »
Wow...I've been avoiding thinking about this topic, because it takes me to some very negative places lately. DIL & family are totally about money and judge us because we're not. Suddenly I'm back in junior high being teased and not fitting in with the spoiled girls "in the 'hood." (DS cracks up when I call it that - we had famous, off-the-charts wealthy neighbors.) When DIL & fam treat us like scum I start to question my life and put myself down for not being successful.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline luise.volta

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2010, 08:13:01 AM »
We live in a non-profit, retirement center where there is low-income housing as well as some very large and expensive units. Some residents drive old cars and some have very costly, new ones...etc. What I have learned is that we all socialize at the same gatherings and we all volunteer together. You actually can't tell the rich from the poor. Everyone is respected and we are all equals; millionaires and those living on minimum Social Security. To find that money isn't the measuring stick has been wonderful!  ;D
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline isitme?

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2010, 08:41:02 AM »
I think many times we point out that money can buy many things but not love.  I think that is absolutely correct.  I come from an educated but simple background.  As a college professor I will never make a lot of money but I am fine with it and no one in my family or immediate circle looks down on me for that.  My future in laws are ALL about having money and continually point out to my FH that I will not earn much because of my career choices.  That's all they care about.  I have even heard my FMIL tell me and her own son - "satisfaction in your job doesn't mean anything, only money".  They all dump on FH for wanting to go into academics instead of using his medical degree to just churn out a lot of money.  I think he's worth more than the dollar amount he can earn...  As long as we are both happy, we will have enough - I'm not going to force him to work a job that he hates just for the money.  I wish more people understood that kind of thing.

From watching members of this family, what I've also learned, is that money can buy a lot of things but in addition to love, it cannot buy you class.  Some of the tackiest, worst behaved people I have ever met were some of the most privileged and financially wealthy - but I would not want to be them for all the money in the world!

Offline luise.volta

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2010, 09:20:44 AM »
I/ - Well, said. I read someplace that the "spendable income" or net income is often the same with the high rollers as it is with those earning much less. The reason given is that most of those with lots coming in often tend to create higher overhead and have lots going out. Deficit spending and high interest rates can complicate if further. Good for you and your guy for not buying into other people's values.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Orly

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2010, 11:58:07 AM »
I never could see the "why" of measuring success by the size of someone's wallet, what kind of brand name people choose to wear, or the size of the house they choose to live in.  If someone is a supportive friend, is there for their family, treats animals well  and is in general a human being to others...then being successful with all the bells and whistles is icing on their cake.  More power to them. 

The quest for JUST the money and trappings without a moral base to support it leaves those poor people on a continuing mission to find that something they know is missing in their lives.  THOSE are the ones that don't even waste the time to scrape you off their shoes, as they stomp over one, looking for that rainbow gold.  They miss that jackpot of good friendships and loving relationships that are right there under their noses.  Just don't get it, never will.

cocobars

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2010, 12:25:18 PM »
I think alot of people see "money" as power, when all you really have to do is love - it's more powerful than anything.  Luise made a statement in response to Creme's post on "wHAT HAVE I LEARNED" that parallel's my feelings on this.  I don't remember her exact words and you can go to that post to see it/can't remember the number in her post, but she said something that hit home to me here too! 

You can show love to someone by just listening and trying to understand.  That meaning is timeless for most of us.  We all "want" to be understood.  Isn't that why we're here?

Offline luise.volta

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2010, 01:35:33 PM »
People who don't worship the God of Money are never going to "get it."

We have a close relative that is a multimillionaire who comes to take us to lunch at Burger King and uses a coupon. I kid you not.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

2chickiebaby

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2010, 02:11:42 PM »
well, that must be one way he/she got to be a multimillionaire, Luise 8)

Offline luise.volta

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2010, 02:59:41 PM »
Yup! They live in a mansion and go to Europe twice a year...bike and ski. It's just a matter of priorities! ;D
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

2chickiebaby

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #10 on: February 10, 2010, 03:03:00 PM »
Yes, those were some of my priorities 8)  Never made it.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #11 on: February 10, 2010, 03:21:16 PM »
That's probably true for a lot of people but I can't picture you being  stingy! ???
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

2chickiebaby

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #12 on: February 10, 2010, 03:27:15 PM »
That's the problem with me, Luise...I was too generous.  Never been stingy.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #13 on: February 10, 2010, 03:29:43 PM »
Shame on you/us!! :-[
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

2chickiebaby

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Re: What I've Learned Without Money
« Reply #14 on: February 10, 2010, 03:31:52 PM »
Oh yes, Luise, anything for my boys.