Author Topic: Invisible's Strength Post  (Read 8917 times)

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Invisible

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #15 on: March 11, 2010, 07:16:37 AM »
Control is an illusion. The only thing we can be assured of in life's journey is change. If we struggle to control change we are fighting a losing battle. It is not possible to maintain the status quo.

I am pushing myself through to accept the loss of my only son and only grandchild. I have to think in my mind they both died on that motorcycle. After I accept the loss of my little family then I can stop trying to control the impossible.

I would do so much for my GD but it just isn't possible. My DIL is hateful and jealous of me. She will continue to use her daughter as an extension of herself. Anything she can say or do to hurt me she will do. Enough is enough. My son would have been so disappointed by the outcome of this situation.

I have not asked to see my GD since Feb. 30. She has been telling me, that she doesn't like to come over. She only comes over because her mother makes her. My GD is out right cruel to me. It is almost shocking.  I know she is being abused and neglected. But there is only so much I can endure. I can not control what is happening. The Department of Family Services and the School knows about the situation.

 I am moving on with my life. I have removed all her belonging out of my house. My son has been dead for 30 months. I still can not sleep. Everyday I pray to God please let this be the last day on earth. But still another miserable day starts again. I think if I could get a part time job or volunteer somewhere might take my mind off of problems. But to be honest I just don't have the desire or energy. 

My daughter in law is on drugs and alcohol. She has covered herself in tattoos and just this week dyed her hair pink. (I saw the photo on facebook) She takes nude photos of herself and posts them all over the internet. She is self absorbed and not capable of raising a child. I am afraid for my GD but there is nothing I can do to prevent this situation. After all, she is the child's mother. Nothing short of murder Child and Families Services will not separate the mother and child.



I'm worried about Invisible.  I know she's very depressed and needs so much support right now.  I sent her a PM, knowing that would notify her and she wrote back that she is depressed.  She has every reason to feel the way she does!  I hope she's feeling better soon but would like to have a special post for her that she can check when she comes through. 

She has had to listen to people telling her she is unlovable and now her GD has started.  She has already lost her son, but this from her GD?  She needs us.  I would like to let her know how truly loved and beautiful she is.  Somebody needs to tell her.  I think we could be that "somebody" here.  I hope she has other "somebodies" too!  God knows she needs them...

Invisible, please check your posts!  We're here for you, even if you feel so weak right now!  Talk to us too!  Even if we don't have the answers, we have the love and support waiting for you!

2chickiebaby

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #16 on: March 11, 2010, 07:34:42 AM »
Invisible,
I am so sorry, so sorry! that you have to deal with this on top of all you have. OH! It just breaks my heart.  I know the only answer is to get out of their lives but that is so sad.  You are right, you can't let the GDaugher talk to you that way. She's mirroring her mother, sadly.  I know you know that.

I am thinking about you so much and praying for you too.  Keep your chin up and please remember, we love you here.  Small comfort, I know, but we do. :'(

Offline Pen

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #17 on: March 11, 2010, 07:35:18 AM »
Dear Invisible (or Incredible as Hope called you awhile back), your story is almost too sad to bear. I'm very honored that you are posting again, and we've all been so worried about you. I think it may be awhile before your GC realizes what you mean to her...she's being filled with all of her mother's influence right now, but she contains part of you and your son in her DNA. She may very well decide to not follow her mother's path and will need guidance from a positive, honorable source at that time. You need to take care of yourself for YOU right now. In the future you might be needed by GC again, so that's another reason to keep pushing forward. Know that we're thinking of you everyday. Such a small gesture for such a large pain, but here we are. Please stay.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Marilyn

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #18 on: March 11, 2010, 08:31:35 AM »
 I am moving on with my life. I have removed all her belonging out of my house. My son has been dead for 30 months. I still can not sleep. Everyday I pray to God please let this be the last day on earth. But still another miserable day starts again. I think if I could get a part time job or volunteer somewhere might take my mind off of problems. But to be honest I just don't have the desire or energy. 


Invisible,I agree with penstamen,your story is almost too sad to bear.And after reading your post,your still not sleeping,your days are miserable,and you dont have the desire or energy.You sound like you are in a very very deep depression,and rightfully so.Any one would be,having to go thru what you are.If you dont mind me asking,are you seeing a Dr.or grief counselor?When i was in a real dark place in my life,i was just like this.I didn't know that after so long of being under so much
distress,your body quits producing serotonin.The Dr put me on antidepressant,with out replenishing the serotonin,i could of never managed to get enough strength to go on.It really helped get me over the hump.I didn't need to stay on them,just long enough to replenish the serotonin.

All of us here do worry and care about you.
Sending you love,and a hug

2chickiebaby

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #19 on: March 11, 2010, 08:41:53 AM »
To Precious Invisible,
My heart is broken for you and I know your words are almost too hard to speak.  All you wanted was to be a part of your son's child's life.  I know that.

I want you to know that you are valued and that we care about you and your heart.  We don't even know each other but I fel like I know your heart and it's a good heart. One that should be valued and loved. 

You haven't done anything wrong.....please, you haven't!  only tried for the sake of your son and his child to make a difference.  We love you. 

Sending love again...

cremebrulee

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #20 on: March 11, 2010, 08:43:36 AM »
Invisable....please know we love you, and are there with you...

one thing you must face, which will be difficult....your GD unfortunately will adopt your DIL's personality...she's being mean to you and doesn't even realize it, b/c she thinks the way her mother reacts is ok....does that make sense...and I perceive that this child is going to grow up the same kind of person her mother is....it's very despairing, but, your right, there is not much you can do, unless child services takes over someday....and then be there for them....

the only other thing I could suggest, is, if ever your DIL comes to you and wants anything from you materially, like money, food, etc...don't give it to her...tell her, she gets what she needs only on your terms and that is, that she get into counseling with you, that she needs help...and if she fights it, then refuse helping her...that will be your only trump card...and stand your ground....

your in my thoughts and prayers dearheart.....

Love you
Creme

Invisible

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #21 on: March 11, 2010, 09:11:36 AM »
Cremebrulee,

You are so right! My GD is going to act just like her mom. She is going to have a long difficult road ahead of her. My DIL is teaching her daughter to be a bully. It is difficult to grow up in a house with a mentally ill parent.

Right now my DIL has money ...I don't know how much may be aroung 1 million from the death of my son and inhearatence. Her house is paid for and she has a new car. I say new ..it is about 5 years old. I doubt she would come to me EVER to ask for money. I would be extremely reluctant to grant any such request. I think she knows better. She is crazy but not that crazy. She would never agree to see a coulselor.

Invisable....please know we love you, and are there with you...

one thing you must face, which will be difficult....your GD unfortunately will adopt your DIL's personality...she's being mean to you and doesn't even realize it, b/c she thinks the way her mother reacts is ok....does that make sense...and I perceive that this child is going to grow up the same kind of person her mother is....it's very despairing, but, your right, there is not much you can do, unless child services takes over someday....and then be there for them....

the only other thing I could suggest, is, if ever your DIL comes to you and wants anything from you materially, like money, food, etc...don't give it to her...tell her, she gets what she needs only on your terms and that is, that she get into counseling with you, that she needs help...and if she fights it, then refuse helping her...that will be your only trump card...and stand your ground....

your in my thoughts and prayers dearheart.....

Love you
Creme

cocobars

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #22 on: March 11, 2010, 09:22:23 AM »
Invisible - I mean INCREDIBLE!  I haven't had a chance to read this post, but peeked in and saw you had come through.  I just want to shoot you a very quick not to tell you that I am so happy to see you here!  I have thought about you so much!  I have prayed for you so much and I'm coming back through later to check and see what you wrote! 

I was just excited to see this passing through.  We have missed you so much and worried about you!

cocobars

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #23 on: March 11, 2010, 09:28:10 AM »
I don't think I can read this right now.  I'm sitting her bawling at my desk. Invisible, I've been so worried about you and how you are doing.  I'll be back through later today to read this when I get some private time.

Invisible

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #24 on: March 11, 2010, 09:41:59 AM »
Mominwaiting,
Absolutely! I am depressed. There is no doubt in my mind. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I am proud of myself for getting out of bed and going for a walk ..most days. I have considered the doctor but I am reluctant about going. Perhaps, I will go to the health food store and purchase serotonin.

I feel my lifes work was for nothing.


I am moving on with my life. I have removed all her belonging out of my house. My son has been dead for 30 months. I still can not sleep. Everyday I pray to God please let this be the last day on earth. But still another miserable day starts again. I think if I could get a part time job or volunteer somewhere might take my mind off of problems. But to be honest I just don't have the desire or energy. 


Invisible,I agree with penstamen,your story is almost too sad to bear.And after reading your post,your still not sleeping,your days are miserable,and you dont have the desire or energy.You sound like you are in a very very deep depression,and rightfully so.Any one would be,having to go thru what you are.If you dont mind me asking,are you seeing a Dr.or grief counselor?When i was in a real dark place in my life,i was just like this.I didn't know that after so long of being under so much
distress,your body quits producing serotonin.The Dr put me on antidepressant,with out replenishing the serotonin,i could of never managed to get enough strength to go on.It really helped get me over the hump.I didn't need to stay on them,just long enough to replenish the serotonin.

All of us here do worry and care about you.
Sending you love,and a hug

Invisible

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #25 on: March 11, 2010, 09:44:04 AM »
I am hugging you tight. Not a day goes by I don't cry. I have to cry to release all the stress.

Invisible - I mean INCREDIBLE!  I haven't had a chance to read this post, but peeked in and saw you had come through.  I just want to shoot you a very quick not to tell you that I am so happy to see you here!  I have thought about you so much!  I have prayed for you so much and I'm coming back through later to check and see what you wrote! 

I was just excited to see this passing through.  We have missed you so much and worried about you!

Invisible

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #26 on: March 11, 2010, 09:50:05 AM »
2chickiebaby,
Sometimes my GD talks to me like a dog. Her mom is a bully and she is teaching her daughter to be tough and mean to others. The school knows what is going on. I can tolerate that to some extent. However, I can not tolerate my DIL saying bad things about my son. I can not tolerate my GD repeating this nonsense. It breaks my heart.

Invisible,
I am so sorry, so sorry! that you have to deal with this on top of all you have. OH! It just breaks my heart.  I know the only answer is to get out of their lives but that is so sad.  You are right, you can't let the GDaugher talk to you that way. She's mirroring her mother, sadly.  I know you know that.

I am thinking about you so much and praying for you too.  Keep your chin up and please remember, we love you here.  Small comfort, I know, but we do. :'(

2chickiebaby

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #27 on: March 11, 2010, 10:25:00 AM »
I don't blame you for feeling this way, Invisible.  You have every right to feel it.  Your little GDaughter doesn't know what she's doing unfortunately.  The problem is that when she grows up, no one will like her and she won't know why.

Maybe then, you can be her soft place.  I just don't know but I wish we could all adopt Luise's motto of "do me wrong and I'll pong you".

I don't have the skills to do it but I envy people who do.  I need them!!

2chickiebaby

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #28 on: March 11, 2010, 10:36:07 AM »
I know, coco....it is heartbreaking.. Incredible deserves nothing but the best and she isn't getting it.  I wish she knew how strong and good she really is. :)

Marilyn

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Re: Invisible's Strength Post
« Reply #29 on: March 11, 2010, 11:01:04 AM »
There was no doubt in my mind either,I just didn't know if you knew about how our body's quit producing serotonin.I was very reluctant too,about going to the Dr.I dont like to take medication.
After i went though,i wished i would of gone sooner.I know health food stores do have a really good natural herb,that helps you to go to sleep.I just cant remember the name,but I'm sure if you ask them they would know.I believe it is melatonin.

I'm proud of you too,for getting out and walking,that will help also.

I also understand how you feel about your lifes work has been for nothing,right now thats how you feel,and thats part of the depression also.But your lifes work has been for a lot of wonderful things,that will become a lot clearer when the depression lifts.


Sending prayers, and blessings,
and a big Hug
« Last Edit: March 11, 2010, 12:50:18 PM by Mominwaiting »