Author Topic: SOME DILs  (Read 4591 times)

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2chickiebaby

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SOME DILs
« on: January 26, 2010, 08:47:47 AM »
They can talk about us till the cows come home, our mental stability, our hair color, our lack of education, things we've done wrong, the fact that they are more educated and self aware but really, it boils down to one thing:

These women who do this do not love our sons.

They can't...why would they be on sites complaining and focusing on us if they did?  Their lives are empty and meaningless, so distorted in their thinking because of their misery that we are their targets.

And maybe, just maybe they think their husbands will see through them and leave them.  I've seen it happen more than once.  He gets a belly full of them and out he goes. 

I think I told you all about what a difference a new DIL can make.  :)

cremebrulee

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Re: SOME DILs
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2010, 08:59:08 AM »
DIL's and wives who indeed are as you say...are the ones who become so defensive and appauled, angry and almost violent, b/c the guilt consumes them....

Fear not Chickie, most, not all, but most, of these women, really know who they are...and the pain they are causing so many people....

those who speak of hate...wishing they're mil's would die, are very angry people, people who have severe problems...the word hate, is a very ugly word, and when used, it certainly causes the listeners to cringe...when someone states that they Hate someone else, it is usually a sign of where the problem really lies...

They are abusive and they need to cut they're husbands off from their inlaws, b/c they fear any support line they're husbands have...they also cut them off from they're friends, and activities...I loath the wife who doesn't allow her husband any quality time....they need it, and they also need to get out of the house and have a hobbie or two, not drinking, but a genuine hobby...but these wives, fear them connecting with others...they loose control...and the worse form of abuse, is verbal, b/c it erodes self esteme....and confidence, which is they're soul purpose....otherwise, they loose control...






Offline Scoop

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Re: SOME DILs
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2010, 09:45:53 AM »
I think it's important to remember that there are evil MIL's as much as there are evil DIL's in this world.

So they're not talking about YOU, they're talking about their own evil-MIL.

It's actually been quite a stumbling block for me about posting here, because I want to "stick up" for the DIL's, but often I just can't justify their behaviour, because it's WRONG.  So I remind myself that not all MIL's are like mine (not nice) and not all DIL's are like me (trying to be nice).

cremebrulee

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Re: SOME DILs
« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2010, 10:21:57 AM »
I think it's important to remember that there are evil MIL's as much as there are evil DIL's in this world.

So they're not talking about YOU, they're talking about their own evil-MIL.

It's actually been quite a stumbling block for me about posting here, because I want to "stick up" for the DIL's, but often I just can't justify their behaviour, because it's WRONG.  So I remind myself that not all MIL's are like mine (not nice) and not all DIL's are like me (trying to be nice).

Hi Scoop
I think I make that very clear in most of my posts, but neglected to say it in this one, and I apologize if you took offense, but yes, there are some very bad MIL's out there as well...and there are some DIL's worth sticking up for....believe me, we have some here...

There are a lot of very good relationships out there between mil's and dil's...it's just that we don't hear about them b/c they have no need to be on the internet searching out this type of thing....but there are a lot of very productive and loving relationships between the two women...probably more then not....

you are absolutely right and thank you for pointing that out....


2chickiebaby

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Re: SOME DILs
« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2010, 11:35:26 AM »
Scoop,
I'm glad your'e here...we need to hear from DILs too.  Thank you for posting.  When we read our stories on another site, verbatim, it is much more than a coincidence.  So yes, they are talking about us and our posts here. 

Luise, I know it's bad for me to look and I am going to stop it.  I have learned from then that there is no tolerance at all for anything from us.  'Flying Monkeys,  Crazy Croans, PPA's or PPT or PMT' or whatever they say about us is beneath contempt.

Some of our stories are from the mouths of the very DILs whose MILs are on here.  It is heartbreaking to me.  All these boundaries and somebody crossed them and it's usually HIS MOTHER. 

They are mean, heartless people.  At least we don't have someone on here trying to peddle a book!  Shame on that woman!

It is very hurtful

cocobars

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Re: SOME DILs
« Reply #5 on: January 26, 2010, 03:09:55 PM »
I think it's important to remember that there are evil MIL's as much as there are evil DIL's in this world.

So they're not talking about YOU, they're talking about their own evil-MIL.

It's actually been quite a stumbling block for me about posting here, because I want to "stick up" for the DIL's, but often I just can't justify their behaviour, because it's WRONG.  So I remind myself that not all MIL's are like mine (not nice) and not all DIL's are like me (trying to be nice).

here here!  And welcome Scoop.  Your post was so true and well put!

Offline Scoop

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Re: SOME DILs
« Reply #6 on: January 26, 2010, 05:59:52 PM »
Okay Anna  - WHOA!

Please do not compare me to YOUR DIL - that's just the meanest thing I've seen on this board yet!  ;)

I'm so sorry Anna that you ended up with the DIL you have.  I can't give you any ideas on her perspective, because I just don't get it.

Scoop

PS - I hope you know I was joking up there!  I know that I'm new here and you all don't know my personality yet, and I don't want to hurt any (already tender) feelings.

RedRose

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Re: SOME DILs
« Reply #7 on: January 26, 2010, 06:08:19 PM »
Welcome Scoop.

You are right about Anna's dil..she is one mean lady.
Anna is so sweet, kind and caring...she deserves  better


cocobars

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Re: SOME DILs
« Reply #8 on: January 26, 2010, 06:08:27 PM »
I enjoy having a dil's outlook on things here, to try & help me understand my own dil.  So welcome Scoop, glad you could make it.   :)
HA!  That's right Scoop!  We all have your number now!  LOL!!

2chickiebaby

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Re: SOME DILs
« Reply #9 on: January 26, 2010, 06:08:58 PM »
I like you, Scoop... :)

spacecase1

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Re: SOME DILs
« Reply #10 on: August 03, 2010, 10:31:05 AM »
I would love to have a nice MIL since I have been trying for years to act not only like a nice DIL, but like a daughter.

miss_priss

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Re: SOME DILs
« Reply #11 on: August 03, 2010, 02:35:20 PM »
ChickieBaby, I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty offended by your post and the stereotyping of DILs.  You sound very angry. 

I'm here as a DIL.  I have a MIL with certified and documented anger issues, to the extent that she has verbally threatened my life if I didn't leave her son.  We're 90% sure she has a personality disorder as well, though she would deny that of course.  My initial reactions to her were wrong, and I take responsibility for that and tried to correct it.  I wish I'd known before how to deal with her by NOT dealing with her, by not reacting to her the way she wanted me to.  She almost ruined my marriage, until we found help for understanding her and dealing with her. 

I guess my point is this.  Please be careful what you say here.  The title of this site is "Wise Women Unite," not "MILs Unite Against DILs."  There are people from all walks of life here, on both sides of that fence.  We are all here trying to cope and find answers and peace.  Maybe a DILs perspective could help you too, who knows.   

Offline Pen

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Re: SOME DILs
« Reply #12 on: August 03, 2010, 07:03:05 PM »
People in pain often say and do things that make us uncomfortable. Although we don't need to allow them to treat us poorly, compassion is always a good thing. It's not easy to understand unless we've been through it, so judging others is not productive. It's far better to acknowledge that we hear them and send support as they work through their crises.

Please remember that MILs have a lot to lose (DS & GC), and have put in many years of loving and nurturing their children, and seeing themselves in the context of their family. It's not easy to suddenly let go if one's DS marries a woman who doesn't want to have a relationship with her ILs, even though intellectually we all know that at some point our job as mother may require we do so. We wonder why "we can't all get along." We miss our DSs & are often hurt and confused when DIL's FOO doesn't seem to have the same limits we do.

Also, MILs have been DILs, whereas young DILs haven't gone through the MIL experience yet.

Compassion, please for all DILs & MILs dealing with difficult relationships.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

RedRose

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Re: SOME DILs
« Reply #13 on: August 04, 2010, 07:54:22 AM »
Compassion and understanding...all of us need
a place to feel comfortable...no matter what we say or do
and...this is why I came here a while ago




Offline Nana

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Re: SOME DILs
« Reply #14 on: August 04, 2010, 02:28:29 PM »
I agree with you Red Rose....compassion is what we need.  We sure need advice but it is only that.....advice.....we cannot force anyone to do as we say, they get to decide.  We shouldnt judge anyone for not listening to the great advice we are giving, probably we have to learn the hard way....or not.    In my opinion, I like to listen to advice and I follow those advices that I feel suitable to my situation....but at the end of the day.......I must listen to what my heart says....

Only my thoughts.....
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare