Author Topic: Jealousy  (Read 14701 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Pen

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4399
    • View Profile
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #15 on: October 15, 2011, 01:09:06 PM »
Begonia, I don't know how I missed this wonderful post of yours! Thanks, with all my heart :)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline forever spring

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 254
  • forever spring
    • View Profile
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #16 on: October 16, 2011, 12:58:30 AM »
Thank you all, I cannot tell you how much your support strengthens me. Your stories and kind words bring tears to my eyes; may we all find strength, peace and joy in our lives. As I've said before, I'd have blown it a million times over without the wisdom of all of you WW. When I get close to saying something better left unsaid, I think of you and what you'd be advising: WWWWUD?

I can see my path more clearly now. Resenting/being envious of DIL's FOO is like trying to bushwhack through a brambly, boulder-strewn  trail rather than taking the well-groomed path in front of me. Instead of getting scratched and shredded, why not cruise along in a slightly different direction? The paths may connect ahead or not... who knows? Perhaps there will be a bench with a great view where we can sit for a spell before heading off on our chosen paths once again. How precious those times will be!

My path leads to laughter, good books, art, music, travel, peaceful vistas, health, great food & drink, and the loving arms of one amazing DH. So why would I beat myself up over the brambly route? D-uh!

If only I can remember this analogy when the green-eyed monster makes another appearance...

Thank you for your words, Pen. The green-eyed monster just raised its ugly head again last night. I feel comforted by your post and I'm giving myself a pep talk as I'm writing this. I do have a great DH and will not at this moment disolve into a tearful heap and share my woes with him to make the rest of the day miserable. Instead I am taking a deep breath, keeping my head high and getting on with it. WWU helps so much. Thanks so much.

Offline Begonia

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 422
    • View Profile
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #17 on: October 16, 2011, 07:14:59 PM »
Thank you Pen :)
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Offline forever spring

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 254
  • forever spring
    • View Profile
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #18 on: October 16, 2011, 11:04:23 PM »
Just for the record: yesterday's pep talk to overcome green-eyed monster worked fine! Had a lovely day yesterday, seeing friends with small children (no pain) and unashamedly enjoying life! Wow! There is definitely life after all the strife.

Offline Pooh

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5442
    • View Profile
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #19 on: October 17, 2011, 06:48:21 AM »
Way to go chelms!  Isn't is wonderful when we realize that WE control ourselves!  Woot Woot!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Kate123

  • Guest
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #20 on: October 27, 2011, 01:25:45 PM »
Hi All, I have not been here fo awhile, busy looking for a job. But when I found out yesterday that my son is spending Thanksgiving with my x-in laws I came here to feel better and suprisingly found this thread that is so on point. I am so jealous. My DS and DIL divide most of their time between my x and his family, and my DIL's family. My DD the same. They all have large families and big gatherings but I do not have any family any more so I guess I am boring. I really can't stand this pain and wish it would go away. At this moment I wonder if I should have had children. Ever since my divorce my children barely acknowledge me.  My question is about my boyfriends family now. He wants me to go there for Thanksgiving, but I don't want to because his mother and brothers and sisters are all huggy and kissy with each other and it makes me hurt worse when I see that knowing I don't have that with my children, does that make sense? I really don't want to go and feel that pain but he says I am being a "brat". Am I?

Offline Doe

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1278
    • View Profile
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #21 on: October 27, 2011, 01:48:59 PM »
So the choice is:

be alone and feel bad about the loss of your children
or
be with people who potentially care about you and want to welcome you to their brood and feel bad about the loss of your children

It depends on which way you want to take your life.  Do you want to build relationships with your BFs family?  Here's your opportunity. If you don't care about them, then don't bother.  That's probably how I would decide.

Kate123

  • Guest
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #22 on: October 27, 2011, 02:11:34 PM »
Thanks Doe, I guess those are my choices. It is a bit weird because his family does not really accept others. That is , the other inlaws do not come with the siblings because they are very critical of others. So actually I think I would rather be home alone.

I just see from all the posts here that jealousy is also a problem I have that to get over too. It feels strange not having your own family around during the holidays, but I am glad my children will have a good time, I really am, that is what I always wanted for them- to be happy and enjoying life. So I will try and focus on the fact that I must have done something right because they are living the life that I had hoped for them.

Offline pam1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2321
    • View Profile
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #23 on: October 27, 2011, 02:39:09 PM »
Kate, what about a trip somewhere?  I'm not sure what part of the country you're in but cruise rates are awesome right now and if you don't have to fly, it's even better. 

Or heck, even a fancy resort with a spa.

I totally understand what you mean about your bf's family.  My husbands FOO is like that, they demand all family members and spouses are just tolerated b/c they know not inviting them is a no go.  Either way, it's still not very pleasant even though we got the golden invite LOL whoopee
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline forever spring

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 254
  • forever spring
    • View Profile
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #24 on: October 27, 2011, 11:23:50 PM »
Kate123, I'm a bit worried about your BF calling you a 'brat', maybe I'm oversensitive in this respect but to me it doesn't sound nice. From my own experience I have sometimes not wanted to go to 'dos' with IL but when I did go I actually managed to have a good time, there was always someone I could connect with. If I stayed away I would never have met some really nice people. Trust your charm and charisma and surprise yourself, something good may happen. Believe. Best wishes across many miles.  :)

sesamejane

  • Guest
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #25 on: October 28, 2011, 11:37:12 PM »
Has anyone here ever gone on an extended meditation retreat?  I  have only done a two-day one, and thinking of doing a 10-ay one around the holidays

Kate123

  • Guest
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #26 on: October 31, 2011, 06:09:02 AM »
I would love to be able to go away but I am out of work right now and afraid to spend money. However it occurs to me that I should spend what I have rather then worrying about leaving it to my children, which is what I always worry about. They are already much better off then me, but it just seems that you should leave them something so that can be better off. Maybe I will go on a trip, it does sound like a really good idea. I think the WW should get a cruise together one year, how about that!!

As for being called a brat, it has been my experience that men do allot of namecalling when they are mad. I don't like it and I don't do it back but don't really know how to stop it. I think when you don't have family around to stand up for you, you get treated differently and will put up with allot so as not to be alone. Than is another reason it is important for your kids to be in your life when you get older.

And for the in-laws, they criticize everyone; it is just their way of bonding or something. It gets old after awhile for me, and also I don't know what to believe sometimes since their views on everyone seem a little hard.

People seem to be strange everywhere lately, whether it's my kids, or people I don't really know. Maybe it is the hard times everyone is facing, making us all a little crazy. Like poor Nan here not getting invited to her daughter’s wedding- really sorry for you Nan, that is just cruel.

Offline Pooh

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5442
    • View Profile
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #27 on: October 31, 2011, 06:22:29 AM »
You stop the namecalling Kate by not allowing it.  By telling him you will not tolerate being called names, and if he wants to have an adult conversation then you are willing, but you are not willing to be namecalled.   And you walk off and refuse to engage until he does.  I know you don't want to be alone, but you are worth more than that.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline lancaster lady

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1483
    • View Profile
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #28 on: October 31, 2011, 07:36:48 AM »
stick with us Kate , we will make you grow a foot taller overnight ! not literally of course , but have more self respect
and know you are worth more than being called a brat , which in my opinion is for naughty children , absolutely no way ,
do not put up with that for a second !
Go on a singles holiday , you might meet someone who respects you more .... :)

Offline elsieshaye

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 629
    • View Profile
Re: Jealousy
« Reply #29 on: October 31, 2011, 08:23:15 AM »
I think when you don't have family around to stand up for you, you get treated differently and will put up with allot so as not to be alone. Than is another reason it is important for your kids to be in your life when you get older.

Um, no, Kate - it's another reason why it's important to learn to stand up for yourself.  It's not your kids' job to do that for you.  It's your marriage, you're the one who has to learn how to get what you need.  And that can be really uncomfortable and scary, but it's still not anyone else's responsibility but your own.  Putting up with a lot to not be alone is a choice you're making, but it's something you can work on and choose differently about at some point if you decide you want to.  It's hard to get the courage to do that, but it's really, really important.   It took me a really long time to learn that being alone really was pretty awesome in comparison to being treated like less than human by someone who was supposed to love me and be safe.  I also was really uncomfortable with conflict, and if I though someone might be mad at me.  But, I learned how to be different - it's possible.
This too shall pass.  All is well.