Author Topic: Introduction.... I'm sure I'll start complaining about real details later :D  (Read 8255 times)

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Offline alohomora

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I fully expect to care for my mother when she's too old to be independent. 

Sorry this didn't come out properly but I quoted the above from the OP.

OP - I find your post interesting. I think the thing that stood out first to me was your comment above. You will take care of your own mother, but want nothing to do with your MIL in her old age.

I read your entire post so I understand your concerns there. But you comment about problems when inlaws become a burden in old age, without being concerned with the 'burden' your own mother might cause to your wife.

I have to say I take some objection to some of your comments about people being complete mess's on here and comments you make such as "I also see a lot of older parents who just don't seem to be all that intelligent". Not very nice to a group you are hoping to be a 'souding board' for.

"The fact that so few moms come on these pages to express their regret for all the stupid, hateful, abusive things they did to their own children, and for the horrible choices they made, particularly in their choice of husbands, really seems to underline that kids who grow up hating their parents -- or simply becoming indifferent to them -- are justified in their feelings."

This comment makes no logical sense to me - how does one thing follow the other? Few moms coming on this page = angry kids are totally justified?

Offline Pooh

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Since he hasn't been back to respond to anyone, I have decided this was a drive-by posting.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline pam1

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LOL Pooh.

I think we all just got told  *snap fingers* 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline Pooh

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*Snap* with a Z....  ;D
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline bdwell1904

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Pooh- you made me laugh today thank you.
P.S. does this mean I can open up my can of worms about what I thought lol

amflautist

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OP - I find your post interesting. I think the thing that stood out first to me was your comment above. You will take care of your own mother, but want nothing to do with your MIL in her old age.

So glad I don't know the OP.  But my DH, on the other hand, my DH took care of my mother in her last days.  I phoned him from her bedside, told him I wanted to bring her home to live with us, he immediately said yes.  And he, plus my two dear angel children, fixed up a room for her, redid the bathroom so it would have the handrails she needed, etc. etc.  All I had to do was pack her suitcases and bring her to my house.  My fabulous cranky old academic husband.  The one my DIL doesn't like.  Hah! 

Offline Pooh

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Pooh- you made me laugh today thank you.
P.S. does this mean I can open up my can of worms about what I thought lol

Lol.  Negative ghostrider....if I can't...you can't   ;D
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline bdwell1904

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understood wise one  ;D ;D ;D

sesamejane

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Am your dh is definitely a keeper...

Offline alohomora

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Pooh- you made me laugh today thank you.
P.S. does this mean I can open up my can of worms about what I thought lol

please do so! I was really unimpressed with the whole 'wearing the pants' comments. Unimpressed generally.

Offline elsieshaye

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I was really unimpressed with the whole 'wearing the pants' comments.

I had a lot of concerns about that, but couldn't find a constructive, kind way to point them out.  Too many of my own buttons were pushed, because that paragraph really could have been written by my ex-husband.  The problems came in when the reality of me didn't match the image of what I was supposed to be like and want from him.

There's a really good book that talks about what happens when one person defines another, and then is hit by the reality of the person not matching the defined person.  From the point of view of the definer, when the reality is different it feels like a huge betrayal and can lead to some very hurtful behavior.

http://www.amazon.com/Controlling-People-Recognize-Understand-Control/dp/158062569X

This too shall pass.  All is well.

Offline bdwell1904

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Maybe that's why it got to me. I went straight from a very strict family unit to being a  9 yrs older controlling mans wife. I could see some of what was said being repeated in someone else's life lol

Kate123

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Hello break- hope you get back to us because I would like to tell you that you are off track a bit with your views of the mothers here. First I would like to say that no one but no one is not going to make mistakes in parenting. In thirty or so years you will know what I mean. As for your wife- to-be it sounds to me as if you are planning on being her father rather then her husband. I would advise premarital counseling so that you know your boundries and do not try to control your wifes life and behavior, believe me that will come back on you. As for you mother and MIL why not stop thinking about who is going to take care of who and just live one day at a time. After all it is possible that none of it will come about, or it may be you that needs taking care for, you never know what the future holds.

Offline Pen

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He was most definitely a fly-by troll, IMO.

AM, you & your DH are peaches :)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline pam1

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Yep, think I'll lock the thread. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift