Author Topic: Running up the Charges  (Read 2129 times)

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cremebrulee

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Running up the Charges
« on: January 06, 2010, 07:36:22 AM »
I know plenty of men and women who do this...

it is a dangerous infidelity to your spouse....my DIL never works, therefore, everything which is purchased, even my son's birthday gifts are bought with his money....

Now, there are some couples that this is perfectly normal and agreeable...but...if you married and need to have the best clothes, your children are in school and you have to run up the charges to buy those things, this is so wrong and unfair to your spouse....

There is no way on the face of this earth, I'd let my husband go to Afghanistan and work b/c it's huge money and I'm not working...but I insist on buying Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom, Macy's and designer clothes for myself and daughter, especially when my GD grows out of her clothes so quickly.  Also, I would be highly embarrassed if I were doing this to my husband...everyone who finds out my son is over there, asks me, "Well, why isn't she working?"  "Her daughter is in school isn't she?"  If you ask me, your son should have his head examined or, did he go over there to have some peace and quiet...to not have to work 3 jobs and not get ahead? 

 

technorebel

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Re: Running up the Charges
« Reply #1 on: January 06, 2010, 03:15:52 PM »
I do know what you mean.  I kind of get the idea that a lot of young people today think it's shameful not to wear designer-label stuff and do their darndest to imitate the brainless celebrities they so admire. 
I'm quite sure that the reason my gifts of clothing for the baby are rejected by my dil is precisely because they're from places like JC Penney or even (gasp) Walmart. 

And I also think that since I'm partially subsidizing their lives by driving 70 miles each way to babysit for free and have been paying their credit card bill for the past year or so, that they should try to...I don't know..be frugal? 

I actually dared suggest today to dil when she complained to me again about the high cost of diapers ( I think she is hinting that I should pick them up) that she should try the store brand.  She made that face.

AnnieB

  • Guest
Re: Running up the Charges
« Reply #2 on: January 06, 2010, 03:23:33 PM »
The young people today I know are frugal and not into name brands.  They work hard and are aware of the mess our country is in with credit cards and debt.

Maybe we know different young people?

2chickiebaby

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Re: Running up the Charges
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2010, 03:25:43 PM »
I have one of each, AnnieB....one frugal son and one who is not; he married extremely well.

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: Running up the Charges
« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2010, 03:26:27 PM »
I do know what you mean.  I kind of get the idea that a lot of young people today think it's shameful not to wear designer-label stuff and do their darndest to imitate the brainless celebrities they so admire. 
I'm quite sure that the reason my gifts of clothing for the baby are rejected by my dil is precisely because they're from places like JC Penney or even (gasp) Walmart. 

And I also think that since I'm partially subsidizing their lives by driving 70 miles each way to babysit for free and have been paying their credit card bill for the past year or so, that they should try to...I don't know..be frugal? 

I actually dared suggest today to dil when she complained to me again about the high cost of diapers ( I think she is hinting that I should pick them up) that she should try the store brand.  She made that face.


Boy do I know that face very well....LOL

Orly

  • Guest
Re: Running up the Charges
« Reply #5 on: January 06, 2010, 03:29:46 PM »
There are still people out there who keep their sanity in stores.  I have the opposite problem with my guys....they wear their clothes until it hurts MY eyes....HONEY, I can read the name brand of your underwear...can you change that pair of jeans now for a new pair?  I have to resort to "OOPS, the washing machine ate them", just to get them to break in a new pair.

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: Running up the Charges
« Reply #6 on: January 06, 2010, 03:40:41 PM »
we lived a simple life, it wasn't about material things, and my son was ok with that, never complained...one of his friends was very poor, so we used to fill up her fuel tank in the winter so they'd have heat and we'd buy his friend clothes...so, my son was ok with whatever he had...and we shared a lot of love and life travels...experiences....

so I'm right there with ya...although, my son didn't usually wear out his clothes, as he grew like a weed, therefore, he needed new clothes every season...but when we could, we'd get all the wear out of whatever we had...and he to, had those fav grubby clothes with holes...

I still do...LOL

Orly

  • Guest
Re: Running up the Charges
« Reply #7 on: January 06, 2010, 03:46:40 PM »
We have outfitted our boy's friend with glasses.  The poor guy had no one in his family to even care about the fact he couldn't see.  Hauled his skinny little behind down to our doctor's and got him set up and then I set it up with the front desk girls for whatever followups he needed.  He is now married and has a son, let us know on facebook that he is doing the same for a co-worker now.  Passing it on.    Works for our family!

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: Running up the Charges
« Reply #8 on: January 06, 2010, 03:51:59 PM »
We have outfitted our boy's friend with glasses.  The poor guy had no one in his family to even care about the fact he couldn't see.  Hauled his skinny little behind down to our doctor's and got him set up and then I set it up with the front desk girls for whatever followups he needed.  He is now married and has a son, let us know on facebook that he is doing the same for a co-worker now.  Passing it on.    Works for our family!

Yanno, it was done for me...if it wouldn't have been for my foster mom...ohhhh my, I'd be one lost soul....so, I tried to pay it forward to....and I'm told by my son's friends, that they have done the same...and they do come back if they can....

Hugs to ya...

Orly

  • Guest
Re: Running up the Charges
« Reply #9 on: January 06, 2010, 03:58:06 PM »
Ok,  now I'm getting teary-eyed.  Gotta stop that or I ruin my reputation as a nasty old menopausal person.

Hugs right back at you! OOOO

SunnyDays09

  • Guest
Re: Running up the Charges
« Reply #10 on: January 06, 2010, 05:13:21 PM »
   Ok, I'm not holding back.
  It's pathetic.  And selfish.  and so Wrong. 
      I also find it appalling if she has some outrageous habits and hobbies along with the "must dress to impress using dh's money" strangeness.  I have known woman like this as well.  She had to have the biggest newest most expensive car.  The total look of a High Maintenance Unit.  The neat techno gadgets.  The expensive clothes.  Trips with her friends.  And her dh worked two jobs.  MIL watched the kids. 
   They lasted eight years.  Sad but he was near breaking when he found the mortgage money was being spent as well.  I once saw her at the water dept making a payment before the third shut off imposed by non payment of water/utility!!  The town allows leeway before shut off.  She must have owed hundreds.  He had no idea how bad she became. 
  (She wanted the kids to be schooled at a very expensive academy.  I think that was the last straw)

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: Running up the Charges
« Reply #11 on: January 10, 2010, 09:24:13 AM »
I read somewhere, that it is also another manipulative form of control...to keep your spouse working hard, to pay off the bills, so you know where he is at all times...isn't that sweet?


Happy Days, I always appreciate your comments....so chime in any ol time...

Sassy

  • Guest
Re: Running up the Charges
« Reply #12 on: January 12, 2010, 09:59:51 AM »
Maybe I see things this way because DH and I have discussed the possibility of me being a stay-at-home mom, if we are ever blessed enough to have a child or children in our lives.

.... but I do feel that even though at that point DH might be the only one in our marriage working outside the home to earn money, that "his" money would still indeed be "my" money, too.  And that my work cleaning, laundry, cooking, chauffering, raising the children, repairing the home, maintaing the vehicles, (however we divide the labor) though "unpaid" would still entitle me to have a say in how the "household income" was spent.   Even our children's birthday presents.

I think the law in our state would agree, even if the the marriage should fail.

My MIL still mails us her (high-end) department store bills, which DH has no longer paid since our marriage. He's told her that more than once.  Recently, DH did not mail back one of the bills and stamped-envelopes she mailed to him fast enough for her to get her own minimum payment in on-time.  She tried to hold him responsible for her penalty and late fees and then some.  Apparently missing that payment date, affected her overall credit rating, which has then affected some of her other loans' interest-rates as well.  He didn't bite.  I sense that she feels very victimized by his refusal to pay.  It's a sad situation for both of them.

So my personal point of view, is that if a couple is paying their own bills from their own pooled household money, based on their own division of labor, that is between them.  I can see how if someone expects someone else to pay their bills, how that can raise problems. 

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: Running up the Charges
« Reply #13 on: January 12, 2010, 10:21:56 AM »
Maybe I see things this way because DH and I have discussed the possibility of me being a stay-at-home mom, if we are ever blessed enough to have a child or children in our lives.

.... but I do feel that even though at that point DH might be the only one in our marriage working outside the home to earn money, that "his" money would still indeed be "my" money, too.  And that my work cleaning, laundry, cooking, chauffering, raising the children, repairing the home, maintaing the vehicles, (however we divide the labor) though "unpaid" would still entitle me to have a say in how the "household income" was spent.   Even our children's birthday presents.

I think the law in our state would agree, even if the the marriage should fail.

My MIL still mails us her (high-end) department store bills, which DH has no longer paid since our marriage. He's told her that more than once.  Recently, DH did not mail back one of the bills and stamped-envelopes she mailed to him fast enough for her to get her own minimum payment in on-time.  She tried to hold him responsible for her penalty and late fees and then some.  Apparently missing that payment date, affected her overall credit rating, which has then affected some of her other loans' interest-rates as well.  He didn't bite.  I sense that she feels very victimized by his refusal to pay.  It's a sad situation for both of them.

So my personal point of view, is that if a couple is paying their own bills from their own pooled household money, based on their own division of labor, that is between them.  I can see how if someone expects someone else to pay their bills, how that can raise problems.

Hello Sassy
What you describe is the norm and perfectly acceptable....

What my son had to deal with is, working 3 jobs, then, he HAS to take her grocery shopping b/c she refuses to drive....or pretends she's afraid, he had to iron his own uniforms...cook, clean, take care of the horses....etc....and, her child is now in school full time, but she still refuses to work...it's a concept her mother passed down, she never worked a day in her life, married rich men, divorced them and made a living out of it...what can you expect from her daughter, plus her mother had to have the best clothes, hair, make up....very sick woman....and it is not only abnormal to use your husband to this degree, but to allow her to do so is ludicrist....and actually, it is none of my business....but if your son would be living like this, I think you'd feel the same way....

I'd also like to add...it wouldn't bother me if she helped him to some degree...but she doesn't....she is a very self imposed woman who has brainwashed my son into believing it's HIS Job to take care of her and make her happy....

but what you describe is normal and what most wives do for they're husbands...they give back, and help as much as they can...yanno....




Invisible

  • Guest
Re: Running up the Charges
« Reply #14 on: January 21, 2010, 06:39:03 AM »
Technorebel,

Have you tried shopping at the Kid Consignment Shops? There are plenty of gently worn or sometimes never worn designer label items. I have even seen leather jackets for children. Your DIL would never know the difference.


I do know what you mean.  I kind of get the idea that a lot of young people today think it's shameful not to wear designer-label stuff and do their darndest to imitate the brainless celebrities they so admire. 
I'm quite sure that the reason my gifts of clothing for the baby are rejected by my dil is precisely because they're from places like JC Penney or even (gasp) Walmart. 

And I also think that since I'm partially subsidizing their lives by driving 70 miles each way to babysit for free and have been paying their credit card bill for the past year or so, that they should try to...I don't know..be frugal? 

I actually dared suggest today to dil when she complained to me again about the high cost of diapers ( I think she is hinting that I should pick them up) that she should try the store brand.  She made that face.