Author Topic: daughter hates me  (Read 3176 times)

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whyme

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daughter hates me
« on: September 04, 2011, 06:37:53 AM »
now I've figured this out, I think.  Here is my story. I raised my dtr on my own since she was 5 years old. My ex, a functioning alcoholic wanted nothing to do with her until he met his new wife (now married for 20 yrs) another alcoholic.  To make a long story short, my 32 year old dtr called me in response to my tel message telling me I can't see her or my granddaughter because now, for once in her life, she is happy and everytime we get together there is nothing but drama and she doesn't want that anymore. Says I wan't nice when she was pregnant.  Well hello, my ex-sister-in-law turned on me, I wasn't allowed to have anything to do with my dtr's baby shower (of course I got upset - who wouldn't). My dtr now spends more time with her father and his wife and yes alcohol is a problem for her and her partner as well but she said she stoped 3 years ago - I hope she's not lying to me AGAIN.  I know this story is all over the place but the problem has been ongoing for over 10 years and I'm rather shocked that she pushed me out of her life. I just stay away now but the pain doesn't go away. I just want to know how to deal with it and move on.

Offline Pooh

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Re: daughter hates me
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2011, 07:02:44 AM »
Welcome whyme.  You start by breathing, and telling yourself it's not about you, it's about her.  Then you breathe again and remember you were a person before a parent and can be again.  It's not easy, but it takes time and baby steps.  You can do it.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

whyme

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Re: daughter hates me
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2011, 07:17:27 AM »
Thanks for the welcome.  Yes, my friends tell me the same thing but it's so difficult. I'm working on it but would really just love to run away and never return here, just start life over again somewhere else. The old saying that running away never solved anything but I believe in this case it would, however finances don't permit me to follow that wish.

Offline Doe

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Re: daughter hates me
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2011, 08:23:39 AM »
Hi Whyme-

Running away gets a bad rap, in my opinion.  If you were living in a drug-ridden ghetto, running away would be a good idea.   If your husband beat you every evening,  that would be another good reason, eh?    I think a change of environment can work wonders. 

When I need a change and can't get away, I try to find something new to do, out of my usual comfort range.

Just stop listening to the sad old songs.  Change the station.


Offline Rose799

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Re: daughter hates me
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2011, 08:48:16 AM »
When I feel need to be far from the madness & can't, I change my desktop photo to some exotic place or maybe a road leading to nowhere.  This is one of my favorites... 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_RAlP3BmEW1Q/TQX14MpYs_I/AAAAAAAACMs/emkfCwKY7As/s1600/The-best-top-autumn-desktop-wallpapers-33.jpg

Offline Doe

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Re: daughter hates me
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2011, 09:06:59 AM »
Beautiful! 

For me, it's a beach.   I love water.  I put on a face mask and goggles and do laps at the pool and zone out.


Offline Doe

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Re: daughter hates me
« Reply #6 on: September 04, 2011, 09:08:16 AM »
Dang it, I meant a face mask and snorkel.     The other way would be pretty weird.

Offline Rose799

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Re: daughter hates me
« Reply #7 on: September 04, 2011, 09:16:47 AM »
 :) :) :)

Here's one for you Doe.  I've been admiring it for days.  Watch it on a full screen...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7deClndzQw


Offline Doe

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Re: daughter hates me
« Reply #8 on: September 04, 2011, 09:47:56 AM »
This is amazing!  Full screen!  Many thanks  :) :)

Offline Pen

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Re: daughter hates me
« Reply #9 on: September 04, 2011, 10:47:28 AM »
Whyme, I understand how much pain you are in. You need a break, but the only one who can do that for you is you. As Pooh said, you were a person before you had kids - so how can you find your way back to your authentic self and start building a fabulous life? What is one thing you can do today?

It doesn't mean you are abandoning your daughter or that you'll never feel sadness about her ever again, it just means you are honoring your own life. If she decides to reconnect when she sees how you are moving on, you will be all the more stronger. If not, you've built a great life. Really, it's up to you. We can't change anyone else, unfortunately.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Pooh

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Re: daughter hates me
« Reply #10 on: September 04, 2011, 11:22:17 AM »
As if Karate kid didn't already make me want to go to Okinawa...now I want to see the aquarium!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Rose799

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Re: daughter hates me
« Reply #11 on: September 04, 2011, 11:43:25 AM »
This one's closer Pooh... (Atlanta)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0F4LEcFoHc

whyme

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Re: daughter hates me
« Reply #12 on: September 04, 2011, 04:15:53 PM »
Thanks Pen - I'm working it but it is difficult and as the saying goes "Misery loves company" and I thought I was the only one this happened to, but it's not and other people have worked through their problems and I want to start doing that.

sesamejane

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Re: daughter hates me
« Reply #13 on: September 04, 2011, 08:26:53 PM »
As Pen wrote, it's a win-win. 

Offline Pooh

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Re: daughter hates me
« Reply #14 on: September 05, 2011, 08:19:42 AM »
That's the best thing we can do for ourselves, work on it.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell